Why Failure Costs Nothing And Success Can Steal Everything
Written by Dave Navarro on May 14, 2008
“When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose” - Bob Dylan, Like a Rolling Stone
There’s an old saying, “What would you do if you knew that you could not fail?” If you’ve heard that quote before, it has undoubtedly provided a bit of inspiration at times by sparking the belief that you can do anything and achieve anything - and nothing is going to stop you. This phrase allows you to dream big, plan big, and (potentially) take big steps towards your goal.
But there’s a big part of us that calls bullshit on this quote, because in this little thing we like to call “reality,” we do fail. A lot. And most of the time, failure scares the holy hell out of us. But it didn’t used to. Here’s the scoop.
When You Were Little, You Ate Failure For Breakfast
You were too young to remember, but at one time you didn’t give a rat’s ass about failure. You tried to walk and fell flat on your face? You may have cried, but you kept at it, because you wanted to walk/run/jump/rock/etc.. You tried to learn to talk, but all that came out was stutters, lisps and nonsense - and you knew it - but you kept at it. You tried to ride a bike, you fell over constantly, and you decided you’d never learn. But then someone bigger than you told you to suck it up and voila, you got the hang of it.
When you’re a kid, failure can infuriate you, but you manage to push past it. You see everyone around you walking, talking, and riding their bikes and figure, “Hell, I guess everyone can do this.” And you hammer at it and don’t quit. It’s like being naive, only in a useful way.
The bottom line is yes, failure pissed you off, but you didn’t cop out. You kept at it because the eventual success was worth all the failures along the way. You remembered that everyone was doing these things, and so you knew on some level that eventually you’d get there, and that your skinned knees would heal. You were a blank slate, with nothing to lose, so you didn’t feel like you were risking anything except for some short term pain. And that’s why you racked up win after win.
Success. It was sweet. The training wheels came off, and you had a lot to be proud of.
But Then It All Went Wrong
Somewhere along the line you fell off your bike or you stuttered, or tripped in front of a group of people, and they laughed at you. Suddenly you felt less-than-successful, and that sudden status drop scared you. Or maybe it happened to someone else, and you started asking yourself “What if it happened to me?” Gradually, you started backing off, stopped taking risks, held yourself back, all because you didn’t want to risk the sting of the F Word: Failure.
It’s not that you became a wuss. You just looked around and saw that society showers limitless rewards on perfect beautiful people and crushes anything less than that under its merciless heels. So woe to you if you show weakness, frailty, or anything less than what magazine covers and television shows taught you that you were supposed to look like and act like. Nevermind that you know full well that reality is different than that - enough people go along with the fairy tale that the pressure to not screw up seems all too real.
The Irony Of It All
Unexpectedly, your success became a liability. You became afraid of losing what you had, risking what you’d worked hard for, “looking stupid,” and you limited yourself. You told yourself not to go for it, not to push yourself, not to position yourself where you might fall flat. You took the “acceptable risks,” and you played it safe. Sure, you might have continued to eat failure for breakfast in your professional life, but on personal levels you still held back. We all do it, myself included, so we can be honest here.
In reality, we always, always, always fail our way to success. We try things, see if they work or not, and adjust how we’re doing things until they work out, whether it’s building a business or raising kids. But somewhere along the line, the resource that earn us our success - the ability to take risks - becomes something we’re afraid of tapping into again. And so we hold back, hoping that we don’t jeopardize our success, and we miss the chance to grow further. We cling to our current “success” in one area or another, at the expense of truly getting more of something that really matters.
How To Start Successfully Failing Again
To tap back into the power we had as little kids, we have to do three things:
- First, step back and ask yourself, what’s the real risk of failure? What’s the worst-case scenario? That you might look stupid? (Who cares?) That you might lose money? (You can replace it.) That someone might reject you? (If you don’t approach them, what’s the difference?). Consider that for most things, the worst-case scenario generally isn’t fatal. You can move on. People have hit that worst-case scenario and survived (and often times, thrived).
- Second, look around you for people who are already successful doing what you want to do, whether it’s working for yourself, opening up to someone emotionally, conquering a long-time fear - whatever it is you’re nervous about tackling. Look closely at their history and notice that they screwed up plenty of times and had more than their share of failures - and that the secret of their success was that they kept at it. Don’t put them on a pedestal of ‘natural talent’ or ‘luck’ - they worked for it, and so can you.
- Third, view your actions moving forward as learning experiences, not as pass/fail tests that reflect your worth as a person. Don’t sweat getting it perfect the first time, or even close to the first time. Take a chance. See what happens. Adjust your strategy. Lather, rinse, repeat. And suck it up - you’ll get to where you want to be eventually.
A Better Way To Look At That Quote
Forget “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” Instead, ask yourself, “What could I do if I didn’t give up trying, damnit?” Because that’s the secret. People don’t fail. They stop trying. They call it quits. But that’s not you. You’re better than that. Fail ’till it doesn’t hurt anymore, until you fully acknowledge it as part of the learning process.
I’d like to thank some of the people who have challenged me to fail early and fail often by laying the smackdown on me anytime I started feeling sorry for myself (whether in person or via blog posts) - most notably James & Harry, Naomi Dunford, and Christine O’Kelly. And most of all, I thank my wife, who has shown me more courage and determination than I can even put into words, and who challenges me constantly to stop using fear as an excuse to take action.
So now it’s your turn - ask yourself what you’re going to fail forward in - and use the steps above to start moving along. You’ll thank yourself for it.
Want to share your thoughts in the comments below or subscribe to this blog? I dig both. 
Enjoyed reading this post Dave…This reminds me of one of favourite quotes (Don’t remember who said it)…
“He who never makes mistakes, never makes anything”
Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times and kept going. I’m sure we can find it in ourselves to try 100 times, or 1,000 times right?
Great post by the way. I love this blog and am subscribing now.
Mike Smith - Bootstrapping Blog’s last blog post..Word of Mouth Marketing: Thank your referrers
Brett Legree? When did you start posting at Navarro’s place?!?
Seriously, though, you’re onto something here. Think about Lincoln, or Edison. Massive failures early on. If they’d have died younger, they would have passed in anonymity.
Stumbled.
Bob Younce at the Writing Journey’s last blog post..The Helium Report is Now Available
What a super super post! This one I’m sharing with my kids. I always like believing that everything happens for a reason….you might not know today, or tomorrow, or a year from now, or a decade from now…but some time, the lessons you learn from failure will be that key factor that causes your future success.
Enjoy,
Barbara
Barbara Ling’s last blog post..RANT - What the eBay Affiliate Program is Missing Part 1 - Celebrity Endorsements!
@Bob,
No kidding, I read this before I left for work and couldn’t have said it better myself.
@Dave,
Seriously kick a$$ post today, I should have hired you to write my About page…
Fall down seven times, get up eight times. No matter how bad your day is, the day will come to an end, the sun will rise tomorrow, and you’ll have another chance to try again. Well, at least until you pass on, which is why you should keep trying, and trying, and trying.
Thanks for a really inspirational piece today.
-Brett
Brett Legree’s last blog post..canada 2, greece 0. a story about running.
@Sandy -
Good quote. From Bernard Magazine, I believe.
@Mike -
Glad to have you on board. I like your blog’s Old West theme.-
@Bob -
Didn’t you see Fight Club? Brett and I are the SAME PERSON. Which one is imaginary, though? …
@Barbara -
Thanks for sharing it with your kids! Just cover up the curse words …
@Brett -
Glad you liked.
Do I hear an offer?
@Dave,
(*signs cheque*) which one of us would be which? Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are both equally cool, for different reasons. Let’s flip for it!
People often say failure is not an option. Failure is one of many options, and is often a good one. We fail every day, and we learn something. I failed to post an article today. It wasn’t ready, because I didn’t feel it was good enough.
And that’s okay. I could have spent more time on it, but I went to watch my kids play soccer…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..canada 2, greece 0. a story about running.
@Brett -
“Flip for it?” Oh, man, you’re definitely Ed Norton. If it’s your first About Page, We FIGHT.
Re: posting - do what you need to & don’t compromise.
@Dave,
Cool, I’ll be Ed…
(hmm, we shouldn’t be talking about this online, should we? First rule and all that…)
Oh, I hear you…. I mean, I always thought I did a good job as a dad, but your post the other week really, really made me think (plus a few other things in my life) - there’s always time for this stuff. Family first.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..canada 2, greece 0. a story about running.
Hi Dave,
After reading your blog for a while and seeing you at so many places I go to (Christine’s and Naomi’s blogs come to mind quickly, but I’m sure I’ve seen you at other blogs, too), I guess it’s time for me to say hi. (BTW I love this new site. . .)
You are so right. And you have such an attitude to say it right.
I think that, once we achieve “success” we sort of miss the days of trials. The learning period is tough, but it can be the best of times. So we go ahead and seek more challenges — to fail more again.
Thank you for reminding me the fun of failures.
Akemi - Yes to Me’s last blog post..I Can’t Not Do This: Naomi Dunford
@ Dave & Brett - Doesn’t it really just come down to who has the best abs? I mean seriously…
Great post Dave. Exactly the kind of stuff I need to fill my brain with in the morning. When you work alone all the time it gets hard to give yourself that kind of ‘talk’.
What I’ve been finding helpful is answering the “What if?” question. So many people say it to themselves but never actually answer it. So what if that happens? Will you die? Will the the world crumble? It’s usually never as bad as you think. Thanks!
Karen JL’s last blog post..Why I Don’t Participate in Contests
@Karen JL,
Well, I look nothing like the statue on my blog, so I’d say I’m not going to win any ab contests… (thankfully I look nothing like that statue in at least *one* respect!)
Brett Legree’s last blog post..canada 2, greece 0. a story about running.
@ Brett - Rumor has it you have a huge nut graf though…
Karen JL’s last blog post..Why I Don’t Participate in Contests
@Brett -
You’re right. First rule and all.
@Akemi -
Great to see you here
@Karen -
I leave this blog for a few short hours and it turns into a Men With Pens style thread!
@ Dave - Well…if I didn’t try, how would I ever succeed?
*puts tail between legs* OK, I’ll stop now. (I draw cartoons all day, sometimes it seeps out).
Karen JL’s last blog post..Why I Don’t Participate in Contests
@Karen -
I’m just giving you a hard time … (and testing whether James has “Men with Pens” Google Alert set up)
Pffffft. Comment all you want, don’t hold back
I’m from Brookyln, it’s not like anyone can offend me or anything …
@ Dave - Oh, I know…all in good fun.
And I’m sure you have a lovely nut graf too.
(you asked for it!)
Karen JL’s last blog post..Why I Don’t Participate in Contests
@Karen JL,
I’ll save that one for my “super secret confessional blog” (new next week, “does Brett really have a larger than life nut graf?”)
@Dave,
Cool, isn’t it? I think when the threads go all MwP that means you hit upon something
Brett Legree’s last blog post..canada 2, greece 0. a story about running.
@Karen -
I plead the 5th. And I’ll drink a fifth, as soon as this project I’m on is over …
@Brett -
Indeed. I could deal with MwP style blog growth.
@Dave,
As could we all… but you know what, we’re getting there, brother - just takes time. You’ve got the content and the style, just keep kicking a$$ and you’ll get there.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..canada 2, greece 0. a story about running.
Dave,
A very, very fine post. The way you related failure and success to kids is perfect. They have such wonderful determination. I watch mine every day for inspiration and tips on being plucky.
There is an age when plucky starts to ebb in favor of conformity, to avoid that F word. I’m afraid at nine she’s hitting it, so now I see her looking back at me for inspiration. “Should I keep trying, Mama?”
Yeah, kid, you should. Watch me fall on my face. We’ll keep doing it together, just so you remember that falling forward is a lot better than sitting back.
Thanks for the smile today.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Inspiration Points: Planning, Prepwork, & the Payoff
Can I just say that I love love love this post? My favorite part is the three tips you shared. I remember the first time someone asked me “what’s the worst that can happen?” My answer was “I could lose my job.” She said, “and then what would you do?” and I answered “find a new job.” My anxiety melted away immediately. The next day I walked into my boss’s office and tried to quit but instead I got a raise and we came to a new agreement regarding my hours. Sweet!
Thanks Dave! You rocked my day.
Melissa Donovan’s last blog post..Recipe for Freelancing
@Brett -
The boots are on. The kicking will continue.
@Kelly -
Yeah, they say 10 is the new 15. Maybe it’s moved to 9 now! The pressure is there … but it’s also the perfect time to build self-reliance when it comes to how your kids view themselves. Keep smiling.
@Melissa -
You may certainly say that (an on as many blogs as you desire). I’m reaching that same tipping point at my day job … I used to worry “what if they closed down?” but now I’m not sweating it. Life goes on!
Glad to rock another day.
@Dave,
Right on brother.
And what Melissa says is so true. I’ll tell you this, I’m not even close to being able to say “who cares?” if my company closed or laid me off.
Or am I? I’m a survivor, we all are. I’d survive. Yeah, it might not seem pleasant at first, yet, it would open the door to a totally new way of thinking. People thrive in adversity sometimes. And in a situation like that, there would be absolutely nothing to lose…
Brett Legree’s last blog post..canada 2, greece 0. a story about running.
I remind myself each day to work like nobody’s looking (just in case I fall flat). And I keep a success file for that same purpose
And now you are reminding me too.
Thanks!
Loraleigh Vance’s last blog post..Spiritual Healing of the Store-bought Variety
@Brett -
That’s the key - to internalize the fact that LIFE GOES ON. If you lose your job, you can survive. Lose your house? You can survive. It may suck, but you can survive, and it’s not the end of the world.
@Dave,
I really do believe that. I’ve written on my blog about a deep personal loss (a child) - a job, a house, eh - that’s nothing. I had a conversation with a co-worker one day, she was concerned about her job if such & such happened with my company. I just started laughing, because as long as I’m alive, I can and will get to where I want to be, somehow.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..canada 2, greece 0. a story about running.
I think you may be my old linguistics teacher, Dave. I remember spending an entire class period on the word “fail” and ending with all of us looking at it as a positive word.
He was also my ass kicker when I first started this freelance writing zaniness.
Anyway, great post. You’ve made a subscriber out of me.
[…] we can’t all have Dave Navarro personally kick us in the ass every day (hey, he’s awesome, but he’s got a family too), I’ll start off by […]
Failure denotes a willingness to try new things & is a matter of perspective. A long-time friend helped my husband & I out during our recent homelessness by letting us stay in a house that he couldn’t sell. When he made it clear he was wary of us taking advantage of his kindness after very little time had passed, I pointed out that we were already rebuilding & the home had been offered not sought. He belittled the progress we were making, citing the fact we had failed too often for him to be reassured. I explained that his POV was incredibly limited as, every time we’d failed, we’d been given the chance to start again & HAD!
Whereas all he could see was endings, we’d been methodically creating beginnings & would ultimately have a far more fulfilling life as a result. We could have played it safe all these years but we’ve experienced more, learned more in the process & discovered more of what we want along the way. The regrets are few & far between because the choices are always ours. We’ve traded certain kinds of success for another, more lasting kind & - w/all these so-called failures behind us - we’re set up for one hell of a win. Given the context you provided for failure, no wonder we get accused of having not grown up but YAY US..
(|_|*cheers*|_|)
“Good people are good because they’ve come to wisdom through failure. We get very little wisdom from success, you know.” ~ William Saroyan
Dorian aka coffeeister |_|)’s last blog post..Mum’s NOT the word when it comes to mine <3
[…] You to Do What is your personal definition of success? Read two inspiring stories in this post. How Failure Costs Nothing And Success Can Steal Everything Now get a perspective on what “failure” really is. The Cycles In Life: How To Re-Emerge From […]
Just surfed over here via Yes to Me and chiming in to say this is a great article. Love your perspective. Successful failure is like “beginner’s mind” in Zen. If you keep that open, ready mind, it’s easier to pick yourself up and go for your dream again.