The Survivor Mindset: How Role Models Create Opportunities

In the last post we were talking about the the survivor mindset and the value of viewing life as a game you could play to win.  For those just joining us, the “survivor mindset” is simply a term I was using to describe the unique psychology that allows people to go through brutally hellish circumstances, come out okay on the other side, and begin building a new set of circumstances that offer them a better shot at an enjoyable life.

Today we’re going to talk about choosing the right role models - basically the people you are going to want “on your team” to help you move past the circumstances you’re in and start moving towards more favorable circumstances that will get you closer to your goals.  This is a critical component of surviving painful times, because you’re not simply judged by the company you keep – you become the company you keep.

You Live According To The Expectations Of Your Peer Group

At some basic, psychological level, we all tend to gravitate towards the expectations of our peer group, because we want to be accepted by them.  We change our behaviors, our outlook on life, and our values in order to fit in with the people we like and the people we want to be like.  Even if we describe ourselves a “leaders” or “loose cannons,” there are still people we want to give us approval, and we take some level of action to live in that zone that we know will give us that approval.

When I say that, I’m not saying that we’re weak sheep (although there will always be people who follow their crowd blindly, just to be accepted).  Sometimes we alter who we are to fit our peer group for good reason – because we are inspired by our peers, and truly desire to become more like them. We hang out with them knowing that they will pull us in the direction that we want to go.  This is a powerful psychology that I discussed before in my post about choosing to associate with magnetic people who will “pull” you towards your desired goals.

Since we are so heavily influenced by people we like and people we want to like us, survivors use this to their advantage by seeking out and finding people who are good at surviving.

Survivor Mindset #2 – Choose Role Models Who Can Teach You To Cope And Thrive

There’s a reason why programs like Weight Watchers and Alcoholics Anonymous can be so successful for people who are struggling to change a destructive habit: When you surround yourself with people who are experiencing success overcoming their challenges, it reinforces the idea that surviving – and thriving – is a possibility for you as well.  You identify with these people because of your shared problem, but you also begin to identify with a shared sense of strength as well.

On the other hand, this can work in the negative direction.  Surround yourself with people who have weak coping abilities or an overly negative outlook on life and you’ll feel your hope-o-meter moving towards zero.  This is a dangerous place to be.  Survivors seek out other survivors and make them role models – and whether they associate with them one-on-one or just witness their actions, they use that as fuel to keep going and to not give up.  If you’re struggling with something, look at your peers – do they inspire you to rise above your challenges, or do they reaffirm the idea that “things are never going to get better?”

I’m not telling you to ditch your friends.  Just become more aware of how they are affecting you (both positively and negatively).  The more you associate with people who choose to deal with adversity in a positive way, the more those role models will help you do the same.

Survivors Band Together And Tend To Reward Each Other

Hang out with a core group of survivors and you’ll build a solid support structure that will not only help you cope with life, but also can help you start building more favorable circumstances.  Fellow survivors who are farther along the process than you are tend to look back at people who are walking the path, as they did, and will open doors for them. Because they identify with your struggle, they feel a desire to help.

I experienced this constantly as a young teenager, struggling to get myself in a position where I could get into college, since my funds were extremely limited.  Fortunately, I had focused on getting to know successful adults who were survivors – who had struggled through poverty and adversity during their childhood – and as we “clicked,” they helped me find opportunities for scholarships.

Survivors build networks of people they respect, and focus on providing value to those people – whether it’s a tangible value, such as doing something to help those people, or an intangible act such as simply looking up to them and being a friend. Those networks can open up opportunities for you that serve both parties – you, because you have had your circumstances shifted to more favorable ones, and for the other person, who can enjoy the satisfaction of helping someone whose need they can relate to (which is often a coping mechanism in itself).

I know this may sound very analytical, but it’s the approach I had to take at an early age to connect with people who would be able to help me get out dangerous situations.  Find people who have coping strategies worth looking up to, provide value to them as you emulate their outlook on life, and some amazing things happen.

(looks at watch) Looks like I’m out of time for today.  Next post will continue with another aspect of the survivor mindset, where I’ll talk about coping by helping other people.  I hope you’ll join me by subscribing to this blog and better yet, linking to or Stumbling this post.

See you next post,

Dave