How To Smash Your Insecurities And Take Massive Action
Written by Dave Navarro on April 25, 2008
“You had to be a Big Shot, did ya, had to open up your mouth …” - Billy Joel
Confidence is your #1 asset. It gives you the guts to take your message to the world and ride it to #1 on the charts. But there’s a funny thing that happens when you hold your message up to the world’s scrutiny - sometimes that world doesn’t like you. In fact, in a world of 6 billion people, there are a whole mess of people who won’t agree with what you have to say.
The Sad, Sad Story of Bob
This is what happened to Bob, a coaching client of mine who called me yesterday for a stern butt-kicking in the confidence department. (Yes, “Bob” is not his real name, but it’s the best you get at 5:23am.) Bob’s a business powerhouse, a strategist and mentor who has stepped into companies and made them millions of dollars before he steps out. Bob knows his stuff.
But at a recent roundtable, Bob was mentoring a few people on better business strategies when one person raised her hand and said “Bob, that’s all wrong. What you’re saying won’t work.” The rest of the table looked at Bob in bewilderment, because they knew that when they applied Bob’s strategies, they worked very well. They shrugged the naysayer’s comment off and put Bob’s strategies into action that week (and guess what, they worked just as Bob said they would).
But it wasn’t so easy for Bob to shake it off. As he drove home that night the comment kept playing over and over in his ears. What if she was right? It worked this time, but what if it fails next time? Suddenly, Bob felt insecurity creep in, and over the next few weeks his confidence suffered. He didn’t push his students as hard, and he was feeling pretty low. The “What ifs” were fueling his insecurity.
I’m sure you can relate, because we all can. In fact, James had to give me an a$$-kicking about this just last week, so the solution was fresh in my mind. What do you do when you’re afraid that people won’t approve of you, or they’ll say “you’re wrong,” in front of others? Insecurity sucks, to be sure, but fortunately for us it has a weak spot.
How Bob Got His Groove Back (And So Can You)
Bob had the same insecurity problem you and I have from time to time - we’re feeling the sting that occurs when someone’s opinion makes us doubt ourselves. This opinion can be real (like the one of Bob’s student), or it could be imagined (”What if X doesn’t agree with me?”). Both sap your confidence and diminish your potential for a$$-kickery.
What I told Bob to do is a simple solution that has worked for me, and doesn’t cost a dime. It’s a confidence-booster that works like crazy, and all it takes is a piece of paper, or a file on your computer. Here’s how it works:
- Pick an insecurity that’s bugging you. Let’s say you’re starting a business, and you’re worried that the service you’re selling won’t be “good enough.”
- Comb through your emails, letters, remembered phone calls and conversations and copy everything down that supports how much you rock. Every “Thank you,” every “Great job,” every “Holy —-!” that people have passed along to you as a result of your rocking out and rocking out hard.
- Read this over and over again, every time you feel that insecurity rise up. Remind yourself why you rock.
It’s that simple. Bob came to me worrying “What if I tell someone to do X, Y, and Z, and they fail?” I countered with “Bob, tell me about the last 5 people who rocked out like superstars because of your advice.” Bob had no problem delivering the goods. We ended the conversation with Bob feeling powerfully confident about himself and his abilities. And the same solution will work for you.
- Define what you fear you’ll suck at
- Gather evidence that says “No way, bucko - I rock!”
- Drill that stuff into your head. Again. And Again.
Will Bob’s advice be a winner for 100% of the people he talks to? Surely not. But realizing that the wins he’s creating far outshine the losses crushed his insecurity flat.
What Groove Will You Get Back Today?
Take 2 minutes to think about what’s stressing you, what you worry about. Then take the steps above and see what happens. Keep that list handy, and enjoy the results. And leave a comment to tell the world why you rock!
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I love this! The plain fact is, there are so many different ways to approach things that none of us can have “the right answer.” Sometimes it’s really hard, when someone else is pushing a different answer, to hold our ground.
I have a very, very bad habit of tuning out praise and obsessing over criticism. (And I know I’m not alone.) This is a good idea, I’m going to start putting a file together. Thanks D!
Sonia Simone’s last blog post..How to Build Stronger Customer Relationships
Dave,
You Rocked my Day with this blog post. We all need a kick in the a$$ from time to time, and you’re good at doing that. You see, if you replaced all instances of “Bob” above with “Brett”, you’d be talking to me.
(Okay, so I’m not a business powerhouse)
I have a *great* business idea, and it’s time to start it. I was able to do it with the blogging, so time to put on my big boots and start stomping.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..why blogging for profit is like collecting underpants.
@Sonia -
Glad you like. Try obsessing about why you rock & see how much it drives you!
@Brett -
“(Okay, so I’m not a business powerhouse)” …. yet?
You know, this post is painfully timely. I recently took over writing complaint response letters for my company. These are the letters that politely tell the customer whether we screwed up or not and what we intend to do about it. I was nervous about taking on the role. Oh yeah, I’ve done a lot of customer correspondance in the past, but very rarely has it been in response to something negative, like a complaint.
After the first few letters went out, I got an unexpected (and very much appreciated) compliment from the one guy I thought would be my biggest challenger. He said I do a great job writing the letters and he’s really glad to have such professional document go out to our customers. He copied my boss too. Talk about a kick in the pants…I felt great and much more confident in writing these letters!
Looks like we can all relate! Might be a good idea to create a “social proof” file that collects all the comments and success stories and review it every time we feel that doubt creeping in… Doubt is definitely at the top of the list of productivity killers!!
You rock Dave!
Christine OKelly’s last blog post..How I Tripled My Business Leads in 8 Weeks
I can attest for Dave that this works, because I do it all the time! Or, when I fail to do it, my wife does it for me, and reminds me of all the ways in which I rock.
For over eight years I have also been a software instructor. My biggest fear was always that a student would know more than me or ask questions I couldn’t answer. Well, guess what? That happens ALL THE TIME, so I just had to get used to it. I have the confidence to welcome a student’s contribution to the discussion and to say that I am constantly learning new things and now I just learned something new. And I thank them for it. Confidence and a little humility are a powerful combination.
You are welcome to substitute the word “student” with “coworker” or “client” as you see fit.
Dave - best headline I’ve read in a long time! (of course your post rocks, but man, that headline really grabbed me!)
@Sandie -
Remind yourself of what you’re doing right often, and let it really stick in your mind.
Glad your role is working out for you
@Christine -
Thanks for the shout-out - “social proof” is right on the money. It’s easy to lose track of the positive unless we keep it right in front of us.
@Michael -
I can relate - I was tapped to learn (and then teach) a Systems Analysis course to engineers 20 years my senior … that was intimidating! But when you get comfortable with what you know (and how you rock), you get comfortable with the fact you don’t know everything - and that’s ok - and then you learn to roll with it.
Glad you like the headline - I’ve been studying the art of headlines for a while now, mainly from Copyblogger …
Getting caught up with my reading and I’m really glad I did so. Great post, Dave!
My insecurity can reach legendary proportions — I’m going to update my list of You Rock feedback now.
I’m also adding a$$-kickery to my vocabulary. Love it.
Mark Dyck’s last blog post..3 Game-changing ways to make this the Best Mothers Day Ever!
Agree Mark! In addition to all the no BS points here, having learned the term “a$$-kickery” is one of my top take-aways from this post!