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Apr 18, 2010

How To Get Through Damn Near Anything

Ever have one of those tough-as-hell weeks where it feels like the world is unloading both barrels at you – where things fly at you at such an vicious, unrelenting speed that you feel like life is pushing your limits simply to see where your breaking point is?  Where the pressure is on, the sleep is never restful, and you find yourself bubbling up with frustration about your job, your endurance, your attitude … and it seems like at any moment that life is about to break you?

I recently had a week of exactly that.  It was curious.  And by “curious” I mean fricking hell.

So, How Do You Cope With “Hell Week” (or Month, Or Year …)?

There are only three ways of coping with a sudden trip into unrelenting hell:

  1. Snap.  Messily.
  2. Go numb. Stay numb.
  3. Get through it, and get stronger.

Obviously, the first option isn’t one you want to take.  Lots of lawyers and dry cleaning involved.  The second option isn’t much better – I’ve done it many times, and in the long run, it’s not a much better option than the first one.  But there’s a third option, one where you decide you’re not going to settle for anything less than getting through this ordeal a stronger person. That’s where you want to be.

Yeah, I know.  It’s not easy.  But it doesn’t have to be as insanely difficult as we make it out to be.

What To Do When You’re Stuck In A Rut

You’re going to have times when you feel like your emotions are out of control.  You’re horrifically depressed.  Uncontrollably angry.  Unreasonably scared.  Stuck in a rut.  Entering the downward spiral.  Locked into a pattern of frustrating, paralyzing, you-don’t-wan’t-this-but-can’t-change-it emotion that makes you hate your life and where you are.

And the worst part of it is, no one is coming to your rescue. No wave of a magic wand will help you feel better, and no cheery “You can do it!” advice is going to break the hold of how you feel.  And to make matters worse, Dave is going on and on about how bad you feel and still hasn’t gotten to the part where you can start feeling better.

This Is The Part Where You Can Start Feeling Better

Throughout my week, I’ve had to deal with enormous frustration and bouts of near-depression about things that seemed to be controlling my life in ways that I didn’t like.  It was rough as hell, but the only thing that kept me from snapping messily was focusing on one simple phrase that helped me break the pattern of pain and move on with my day:

“I don’t have to feel this way.”

These seven words may not sound like much of a solution, but stop and think about it: When you’re locked into an emotion that’s controlling your attitude, you tend to feel powerless to change it.  Powerless. And that’s precisely why that emotion has a hold on you the way it does – you feel like there’s no way out, no matter how hard you try.

And in a way, you’re right.  “Trying” doesn’t seem to work most of the time.  You’re feeling defeated and drained, and you’re not in a good position to put up a fight against an unusually strong emotion.

So don’t fight it.  Accept what you’re feeling in the moment, and realize that your feeling is driven by what you’re focusing on in the moment (namely, all the stuff that sucks so horribly).  Take ownership and admit that you are feeding this feeling by focusing on all the things you don’t like about your situation.

And don’t feel bad about it.  Don’t beat yourself up about it (because that only feeds that feeling further).  Simply accept that this is a cause-and-effect thing, and that it’s part of being human, and that even the person you think is the most stable, “can-do” person you want to strangle has crap days just like you do.

And then repeat to yourself,

“I don’t have to feel this way.”

Things Change When You Take Responsibility For Your Feelings

You see, we feel like crap because we imagine that life does things to us, that bad situations make us feel bad.  But you know from your own experience that it doesn’t have to be that way – you’ve been in plenty of situations that sucked where you’ve been the voice of reason – the one who was able to stay in a constructive mood even when other people didn’t.

How did you do it?  It wasn’t magic.  It wasn’t willpower.  And it wasn’t positive thinking – it was realistic thinking. Somewhere along the line, you realized that feeding yourself depressing thoughts was going to depress you, and you didn’t want to settle for that. You wanted more. And you told yourself that you didn’t have to feel this way.  You focused on something good, or you just focused on the fact you’d get through this in one piece and that if you ripped the band-aid off fast enough, the pain would only be temporary.

In other words, you refused to let the world play you for a sucker and drive your feelings, and you put both hands on the wheel and refused to let go.  All you have to do now is remember you’re the one in the driver’s seat.

Breaking The Pattern = Hope (A Much Stronger Position)

When you’re mired in a strong emotion, it’s easy to feel that it’s hopeless to fight it.  But when you focus on your own ability to choose things instead, you put yourself in a stronger position, one where you can make a difference.  You recognize that emotions don’t control you – you control emotions, and that makes all the difference in the world.

When you tell yourself, “I wish I felt better,” you feel powerless.  There’s not much hope for change there.  But when you tell yourself, “I don’t have to feel this way,” you’re giving yourself the option not to feel this way, and that’s an option you didn’t have before when you were focusing on the big scary emotion.  You’re reminding yourself to be reasonable about the whole thing.  You’re reminding yourself that you’re stronger than you’re currently giving yourself credit for.

And stronger is a good place to be.

How To Break Your Pattern And Start Feeling Better

When you feel like crap and there doesn’t seem to be a way out, simply say to yourself, “I don’t have to feel this way.” If that doesn’t immediately help, repeat to yourself “I don’t have to feel this way.” If it still doesn’t help, repeat it again: I don’t have to feel this way.” And again.  And again.  And again.  And AGAIN.

Focus on opening up new options for yourself.  Take it to the next level and ask yourself what you could do to feel differently: “I don’t have to feel depressed about my job.  If I wanted to feel better, I’d focus on <insert something I’m taking for granted>.  If I wanted to feel better, I’d remind myself that <insert something that gives you perspective on something good in your life>.”

Remember, your emotions run on a cause-and-effect pattern.  Use that (instead of being used by that).

The key to this is repetition.  On some level you’re going to resist feeling like you should have that much control over your feelings, because the part of you that wants the easy way out (or is simply intimidated by the strong emotion) is going to tell you there’s no point in trying.  Don’t listen to that voice.

Listen to reason instead.  Listen to hope.  Listen to what’s going to pull you out of this mess.

You have the power to change things – to stop feeding the draining feelings you don’t want and to start feeding the feelings that will help you rock your day and get out of that rut, so you can be the person you know you’re capable of being.

Feed the right feelings. And come back for seconds.  You’ll thank yourself for it.

2 Things You Can Do Now To Make This Message Stick

Ok, so how do we get the ball rolling on this?  Two simple steps:

  1. First, think of one specific emotional pattern you’re currently stuck in and decide that you’re going to use this phrase to start breaking this pattern all to hell.  Just pick one so you can focus & consistently attack it this week.
  2. Finally, write about the emotional pattern you’re declaring war on this week in the comments.  If you’re worried about giving personal details, put “Ass Kicker” in the Name field below, that’s good enough for me.

The more of you who leave this kind of comment on this post, the more people you’ll inspire to take action.

Leave your comment.  Declare war on this crap emotional pattern.

Do it now.  You’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -


P.S. – Once you’re done, hit that “retweet” button below & spread the word so others will be inspired to take action as well.  (And if you’ve come to this post via my Stop Settling newsletter, please forward it to at least one person today who needs to hear this!)

70 Responses to “How To Get Through Damn Near Anything”

  • Sep 22, 2008 Kelly

    “I don’t have to feel this way.”


    OMG that is my very favorite phrase ever. How did you know I use that all the time! Super post.

    Another good one is “Shut up.” Simplistic, yes, but when I hear myself starting to beat myself up, I say it. Out loud, if necessary. Umm, not in public though, cuz that’s just weird.

    And I know you wrote this to help yourself get through something, so I hope things are looking better now. :)

    Printing and keeping.



    Kelly’s last blog post..I’ll Never Fall in Love Again

  • Sep 22, 2008 James Chartrand - Men with Pens

    I’ll toss out a warning here. Yes, you’re right. No one has to feel what they do. We allow ourselves this emotion or that and behavior follows (ie, slump or anger, etc)

    But avoidance of a situation or problem can be an issue. Saying, “I don’t have to feel this way,” and then refusing to deal with something painful or hard is dangerous.

    Even worse? “I don’t care.” That one is a killer.

  • Sep 22, 2008 Madley

    For someone admittedly as “EMO” as I am (I really hate that word though) — those seven words might as well be in Martian. But I’m getting the Rosetta Stone Martian-in-Three-Easy-Steps DVDs so I can practice… thanks for the great post/idea/life-preserver.


    Madley’s last blog post..When I Die

  • Sep 22, 2008 Dave Navarro

    @Kelly –
    Glad you liked. I always feel good when someone tells me I have a “keeper” post, so thanks :-)

    @James –
    Good point – perhaps I’ll do a follow up on that one. Hopefully what came across in this article was a tactic good for getting yourself back into a position of strength, so you can take action.

    I think a “part two” is in order for this post …

    @Madley –
    Glad to help. PS – great poem on your post today – Pablo Neruda’s always a good one to read.

  • Sep 22, 2008 Kaz

    “I don’t have to feel this way.”
    Dood. So needed to hear that this morning. Put a wee fire under my tushie, and some in my chest too. Thanks for that. I look forward to Part 2.

  • Sep 22, 2008 Brett Legree

    Dave is right, and James is right – you don’t have to feel “this way” – but you have to take action somehow – so if it helps to “think” your way out of an emotional rut enough to effect action, then do it.

    Glad that you’re back and kicking @$$, Dave – I was getting a bit complacent over here :)


    Brett Legree’s last blog post..the thing that should not be.

  • Sep 22, 2008 Dave Navarro

    @Kaz –
    Glad to light the fire.

    @Brett –
    I missed posting too. Day job was hella crazy, so it was either spend time on the blog or see my kids. Blog loses. :-p

  • Sep 22, 2008 Brett Legree


    (Not that you need me to tell you but) you did the right thing – blog can wait, kids grow up too fast.

    Brett Legree’s last blog post..the thing that should not be.

  • Sep 22, 2008 Sonia Simone

    Cool post (and sorry about your ratbag week). For me, you zeroed in on it with “no one is coming to your rescue.”

    I’ll get to a giant scared freaked out ball of anxiety, and then something makes me suddenly realize, “oh, right, I’m waiting for a mommy to come get me and make everything ok. That’s not going to happen.”

    For some reason, that line of thought clicks me into putting together a back-of-the-napkin plan for what to do next and how to dig out. And it’s much less anxiety-producing to do something than it is to curl up and hope somebody slays the dragon for me.

    Sonia Simone’s last blog post..Email Marketing: What’s an Autoresponder, and Do I Need One?

  • Sep 22, 2008 Dave Navarro

    @Sonia –
    Would love to take credit for that phrase, but I first heard it from Brian Tracy :-)

  • Sep 22, 2008 Michael Martine, Blog Consultant

    I’ve always known intellectually that I’m responsible for my own feelings on a certain level, but nothing really made me understand that idea internally like “you don’t have to feel this way.”

    To prevent the situation James talks about, I think of Sonia’s post about “punch punch punch punch punch.” KIddo did not lay there in that coffin under the earth and think: “I don’t have to feel this way…”

  • Sep 22, 2008 James Chartrand - Men with Pens

    @ Michael – Yeah, it’s a tricky one though. People say, “I don’t have to feel like this. So I’m just not going to feel!” They turn their backs, walk away from the situation and just don’t deal with it… and then they call that action.

    “I did something! I chose to walk away. I’m above this! I refuse to partake in this. That’s action. I am making a deliberate choice!”

    Ummmm… no, people. No no no.

    Hehehe, poor Dave. I love playing psychology with his psychology. Fun!

    James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post..On Listening to Shepherds and Finding Your Green Pastures

  • Sep 22, 2008 Michael Martine, Blog Consultant

    @James – I have always found that action is the fastest way to change the way I feel. If I feel down about something, I can rationally understand that there’s no real reason to feel down, but nothing helps like a whirlwind office-cleaning or making an awesome dinner. I’m not ignoring problems, but changing the way I feel about them helps me better deal with them. I still like this little “trick,” though. I can see it being useful.

  • Sep 22, 2008 Dave Navarro

    @Michael / James –
    What hath I wrought? The true “take action” stuff will be revealed in Part Two … :-)

    /runs screaming


  • Sep 22, 2008 James Chartrand - Men with Pens

    *evil cackles*

    James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post..On Listening to Shepherds and Finding Your Green Pastures

  • Sep 22, 2008 Michael Martine, Blog Consultant

    @Dave – Um… I knew that. Yeah.

  • Sep 22, 2008 Sally

    Dear Dave,
    Re: “On some level you’re going to resist feeling like you should have that much control over your feelings, because the part of you that wants the easy way out (or is simply intimidated by the strong emotion) is going to tell you there’s no point in trying. Don’t listen to that voice.”

    I’ve got another reason why “that voice” might have more influence than it should.

    Emotions, positive or negative, are extremely important to me. When I was a teenager I decided that I was not going to be one of those people who becomes disconnected, absent and unaware of her emotions as an adult. I felt that people who were unafraid to feel and externalize their emotions truly embraced their humanity. I respected those who had the emotional courage proudly expose areas vulnerability. As an adult, I now know that there are professional situations in which I wear my heart too much on my sleeve, and I am at a disadvantage because of it, but I am learning to find a balance between internally acknowledging emotions and externally displaying them.

    The reason I might be tempted to listen to “that voice” is that I am afraid of programming myself to bypass all negative emotions so that I lose my ability to feel, see, and relate. Understanding myself is a means to understanding others, and people are what REALLY matter in life. I think you’ve already presented a solution to this conundrum: one has to acknowledge one’s emotions. This enables one to take control. I just thought it might be worth mentioning something else that provokes someone to listen to “that voice” of despair.

  • Sep 22, 2008 Sally

    By the way, making effort to be vulnerable enough to one’s emotions to realize what they are and experience them is NOT the easy way out. In contrast, however, as you mentioned, stuffing emotions IS.

  • Sep 23, 2008 Shelly

    Supremely well timed…I didn’t have a hell week, but I sure had a crappy day yesterday. Woke up “adjusted” this morning and was glad to see this…

    Shelly’s last blog post..Hollywood Ending

  • Sep 23, 2008 KatFrench

    Your stuff often reminds me very much of the Constructive Living stuff I’ve read. “Feelings aren’t directly controllable by an act of will, but feelings follow behavior.”

    Darn, now I want to break out my copy of “Thirsty, Swimming in a Lake” and I think I lent it to someone who moved to Spain.

    The longing for a rescuer to come and fix everything is a very enneagram 4 attitude–and a lot of creative folks and writers are that type (myself included). Nice kick in the pants, Dave, from someone who has also had a heckuva week. :)

    KatFrench’s last blog post..The Interactive Family Album Series: Capzles

  • Sep 29, 2008 Jenny

    I knew there was a reason I was so far behind on reading others blogs! Today was the exact right time for me to read this one! I totally did this today! I felt like crap this morning and most of the weekend, I felt like there was no hope to get out of my rut, that things were beyond my control etc. Then as I was coming back from lunch today I said to myself, why do I feel like this, there is no good reason I could think of. Since that happened I have been feeling better and better this afternoon. Now I can start attacking things with gusto and realize that I was feeling crappy because I didn’t choose to feel different and get things done!


    Jenny’s last blog post..Don’t Laugh At…

  • Oct 1, 2008 Eva G.

    Great post – I just wish I had something like this to lead me through the whole year of 2007 – what a bunch of crap that year was. I’ll keep this post tight just in case that kind of day, week, month, year ever happens again.

    Eva G.’s last blog post..Tired Cops = Bad Idea

  • May 15, 2009 MoneyEnergy

    This is great, glad I found the post. I’m going to try that phrase some time – it could very well be this week! Another thing I find helps is repeating to myself that “nothing is permanent. Things can change if you proactively work to improve.” It amounts to the same thing. But I really like reminding myself that nothing is permanent. Bad situations go away on their own anyway. So pretend they already have.

    MoneyEnergy’s last blog post..If You Want To Feel Rich, Count the Things You Have That Money Can’t Buy

  • Jun 28, 2009 Kai Cheesecake

    Really needed to read this, this morning. It helped and I shalt tweet it. Thank you :)

  • Apr 18, 2010 Catherine Caine

    You keep on bringing your “A” game, Dave. I love posts that are understanding, but also tell you what you do to change where you are. And this is a great one.
    Catherine Caine´s last blog ..Three lessons from my butt My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 19, 2010 LaVonne Ellis

    I was worried about you, Dave, until I saw the date and realized this is a rerun. A great one, but it means that hell week wasn’t this past week, and that’s a relief.
    LaVonne Ellis´s last blog ..Getting organized sucks My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 19, 2010 EMasterPhoto

    I don’t know, maybe I’ll play a bit of Devil’s Advocate here, but I don’t think this is a very good way of dealing with things. Sure, maybe once in a while if you have a bad day here and there it can be useful to objectively step back, say “OK, it’s a bad day, that’s life, and that’s why I feel like this.” and get through it, but if this is something you have to do regularly, I think it’s dangerous. You may think you’re making yourself stronger, but in reality your really just repressing a lot of negative energy and warnings that you may be in a situation that’s not healthy. People feel negative for a reason, and often it’s a good one. Not listening and being honest with yourself and instead trying to make something positive out of crap all the time puts you in a position of living a lie, and lies are never good for anyone.

    And before anyone jumps on me about this, I’m saying this from the experience of recently walking out of a job after 6 years of regularly doing exactly what the poster suggested and watching my health, my family life, and my mental state spiral into oblivion in order to “get stronger” when in reality I was getting weaker all the time. 2 months later now, and my whole life has reversed and is on the upswing. Often, bad is just plain bad, and no amount of positive thinking will change that.

  • Apr 19, 2010 Sandra

    I don’t think I can “declare war” on feelings :) , but I refuse to keep falling into a semi-despairing stance of believing I can’t create financial/occupational success for myself. This post inspires me to keep visualizing myself financially successful. Thanks!

  • Apr 19, 2010 JJ

    Hi Dave.
    I totally get what you are saying. Emotions can paralize a person. And this is a great, easy and effective way of breaking that “barrier”.
    It is good to be reminded that I have control over everything. Including my emotions.

    Love the post. Thanks for being the voice of inspiration when I turn down the volume on my “built in” one.

  • Apr 19, 2010 Dan Waldschmidt

    Love it, Dave….

    Keeping your head in the game is the hardest lesson I ever learned. Without it, everything starts going gray and you slide off the path.

    Those 7 words are conquering words…

  • Apr 19, 2010 Matt S

    Wow, I asked my wife for permission to feel like crap this morning because it feels like too much work to choose to be hopeful today. And now you’re kicking my ass.

    I’ve had this job I hate for a few years, and my default state is to feel like there is no hope of quitting and doing something I enjoy. It seems to require less effort than focusing the good things in life — especially the good things that the crappy job has given me the drive to accomplish. FACT: I would not be as awesome as I am now if I’d been handed everything I wanted right out of college. I’d be pretty damn lazy and entitled, I think.

    So I’ll pick hopeful for today. If I’m truly honest, it’s not harder than being negative, it just means I can’t whine all day. Instead, I can be constructive and maybe even help other people be more positive.

    Thanks for another ass-kicking, Dave.

  • Apr 19, 2010 Asskicker

    This is a good one for me as I have a tendancy to react and it steps me off my track of getting things done.

    You have a great blog, thank you.

  • Apr 19, 2010 Tallulah Heart

    “Locked into a pattern of frustrating, paralyzing, you-don’t-wan’t-this-but-can’t-change-it emotion that makes you hate your life and where you are.” This has been my state for the majority of the past year. Stuck it a rut & feeling too afraid to do absolutely anything about it. This post (as well as the rest of your blog) is super inspiring for letting me take real control of my life. Thanks so much for kicking my ass! hahaha :)

  • Apr 19, 2010 patrick

    I’m picking the big one. Fear of failure.

    I am going to use “I don’t have to feel this way” as the first step in a four-part process.
    It’s an excellent starting point and puts the brakes on a debilitating action. Thank you, Dave.

    My next step is asking, “What, exactly, are you afraid of?”. It helps me identify the problem.

    I love the third step. It’s a question I constantly ask of myself. I ask it of others. It works in any situation-bad or good.

    It’s “What are you going to do next?”.

    It leaves no alternative to the fourth, and most important, step:

    Take action.

    I’m going to go do that now.
    patrick´s last blog ..Creator? Social Manager? Yes! Yes! My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 19, 2010 stace

    hey, very applicable. I am in Africa, got several hundred dollars stolen from my bedroom by host family, spent 5 weeks in bed with malaria & typhoid, had corrupt half qualified doctors ask me to build hospital instead of telling me what is wrong, and all these people con me etc, now my health is good and my judgement of character is better, why the hell do I keep feeling angry about things I can not change? I think cut my losses and refuse to waste another second feeling angry. What is done is done, and I just have to find a way back on top.

  • Apr 19, 2010 Tina

    totally had a morning worthy of this post dave – good timing! went from yelling at my girls (in a voice that scared even me quite honestly) to crying 5 minutes later at something else… plus tack on the fact its monday, super busy week ahead, etc. i was all boo hoo on me, bit of a pity party start to my week.

    and then here i am – writing this on a card right now as a reminder – I don’t have to feel this way. amen to that! and i’m feeling mucho better now. :)

  • Apr 19, 2010 Melissa

    Dave -

    You and I must have had the same horrific week, last week.

    Love your post!

  • Apr 19, 2010 Gina

    Excellent thought Dave.

    I like to remember that these difficult feelings are just passing through me. They are not me, nor do they define me but they are there!
    It seems very important to me to actually feel the feeling as stuffed, ignored and strong armed emotions have a way of making themselves known some day some how and usually with interest.
    Feeling, noting and knowing this too shall pass may sound simplistic but is what is actually happening…everything passes and what freedom in remembering that in a very difficult moment (or day, week even year).
    So glad I got to write this as I know I needed to hear it ;)
    Mahalo for all you do Dave!

  • Apr 19, 2010 Barbara D

    Thanks for the brilliant post! Perfect for this Monday, when the rest of the week is staring me down.

    “I don’ have to feel this way” just cuts right through the distortions to get to why I think I have a right to feel the way I do. Sometimes the distortions win. When this happens (today) I find it helps to write down how I feel and why, and then go through and write down the alternative view. There almost always is one.

  • Apr 19, 2010 Laura

    This is a great Monday morning ass kicker! I’ve often worked though negativity by just feeling the feeling, living in it and then moving on past it. I will have to focus more on the ‘coming out the other side stronger’ part, but this was a great reminder.

  • Apr 19, 2010 Andel

    Never forget the Divine God who has promised to help. At all times, if the feeling is negative or positive, it is good to know that God is a present help for all who call on Him. He always assists me.

  • Apr 19, 2010 Darleen

    Thanks .. I needed this today, as much as the Monday Inspiration on
    Smile, Smile, Smile.

    And I don’t have to feel this way.

    Darleen´s last blog ..DAY 55 – Audrey Hepburn Smile, Smile, Smile My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 19, 2010 Darleen

    Thanks .. I needed this today.
    As much as Monday Inspiration

    Smile, Smile, Smile.

    I don’t have to feel this way.

    Darleen´s last blog ..DAY 55 – Audrey Hepburn Smile, Smile, Smile My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 20, 2010 Annie Stith (Gr8fulAS on Twitter)

    Hey, Dave!

    Love the post; hate the challenge. ;)

    The thing I have been going thru is there is sooo much imbalance between my personal life and my I’net life.

    Online, I’m an involved, personable, energetic, extrovert. At home, I’m a f*cking HERMIT with no energy and no desire to do ANYTHING, including (many days) leaving my apartment, getting dressed, or doing housework.

    I am simply UNMOTIVATED.

    BUT, I don’t HAVE to feel this way. I can enjoy the beautiful weather we have outdoors; I can feel good saying “hi” to the people I run into; I can feel accomplishment when I finish a chore; and I can appreciate how the improvement in my environment improves my mood.

    Whew! How’s THAT for a challenge?


  • Apr 20, 2010 John Soares

    1. Develop a good plan.

    2. Implement the plan.

    3. Make changes as needed.
    John Soares´s last blog ..Multitasking Can Increase Productivity — For Two Tasks, But Not Three My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 20, 2010 June

    Thanks, Dave! I love your blog. The emotion that I am going to kick to the curb this week is ANXIETY! It’s been like an addiction for me because I think that by getting anxious about a situation, I can control it. But that’s the trap! Because if I’m all caught up in anxiety, I am ineffective and I’m letting my emotions control ME. I’m not actually DOING anything, which is what would solve the problem. Action. Kicks anxiety’s ass every time.

  • Apr 20, 2010 Jim Greenwood

    Geez Dave, Thanks for putting this “when life sucks” stuff into words. Feeling are are the intense sensations of life,and good or bad they are giving us input to use.

    Mantras like “”I don’t have to feel this way” might be helpful at times if you know the source of the feeling and direction to go. If not … maybe not so useful. As James said avoidance of a feeling can be dangerous.

    I’ve come to use Moving Forward Writing in situations like this. A Personal Journey to get it out and get perspective. First part get it out where it makes “sense” (thinking is non-sense) Second part asking questions of myself (why am I feeling this way? when will it end? What can I do about it? …etc.).

    The getting it out brings release and perspective,and the questions stimulate thinking about scope of problem and and possible solutions.

    The whole process is a step that takes as much time as I want to give it from a minute to more … depending on need and time available. Sometimes it works better than others, but it always seems a useful tool.

    I bet getting this post out made the stress of the week lessen. Good job. Have fun, Jim
    Jim Greenwood´s last blog ..ings’ My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 20, 2010 Linda Esposito

    Most people do not realize that they feel a certain way because an unhealthy negative thought preceded the uncomfortable feeling…basically, b/c you created it, you can un-create it-yay!

    Thanks, and that was a hella badass article!

  • Apr 21, 2010 eugene fabian

    i know what i want and i’ll achieve. not amount of busyness will distract me.

  • Apr 21, 2010 ass kicker

    I feel like a non-person, I’m constantly trying to make the best of many bad situations and it seems when I make headway in one area, roadblocks are thrown up in the others, e.g. I left home and cut ties with my abusive and neglectful family (headway) but despite continued best efforts to secure employment, I’ve faced only rejection(roadblock). I perservered in school to get a qualification (headway) but developed an acute anxiety disorder (roadblock) because of the stress of dealing with my family, a heavy course-load with unhelpful teachers/lecturers, etc. and this affected my performance in exams. I feel paralysed because living in poverty (with no-one to offer a safety net/comfort) really limits choices; i can’t afford to do courses, or to relocate (or to pay for anything beyond essentials). I keep plugging away in the hope of catching a break and eventually feel secure enough, to have real choices so I can find out what my preferences are and follow them. But for now I feel foolish because when I get a lead on an administrative assistant job and I’m excited about it, my peers and friends share news of acceptance to world-class universities for advanced degrees, or (through contacts and their abilites) offers of career jobs, or year-long round the world trips.

  • Apr 21, 2010 Richard Greenwood

    We have all had those weeks and struggled to get through. Those seven words are something I keep locked in my mind at all times. We DO have a choice of how we feel and react to things. Remembering this can be very powerful. Thanks for putting it across so well.

  • Apr 24, 2010 bangladesh freelance

    There are ups and downs in everyone’s life!

    Hope everyone can understand this matter!

    Pretty post!


  • Apr 24, 2010 bangladesh freelance

    There are ups and downs in everyone’s life!

    Hope everyone can understand this matter!

    Pretty post!


    bangladesh freelance

  • Apr 26, 2010 Jonathan Gunson

    You hit the nail on the head Dave.

    “I don’t have to feel this way”

    But, since but I feel great after reading this blog post I won’t use the expression immediately. :)

    All the best


  • Apr 27, 2010 Pamela Slim

    @Dave and @Sonia:

    Although it so so right that “mommy is not coming to rescue us,” I did have a flash that that would be a great service.

    “On call Mom. When you absolutely, positively, lack the cojones to deal with stuff yourself.”

  • Apr 30, 2010 Cheryl from thatgirlisfunny

    I’ve been noticing a “showing up late” pattern. It happens because I try to do one more thing (or maybe two) before I leave. Then I stress all the way to my next gig because I’m going to be late and miss something. I don’t want to be late!! Still working on this one – not giving up. I will be on time.
    Cheryl from thatgirlisfunny´s last blog ..How to Stay Young – Have a Good Laugh and a Long Sleep My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 30, 2010 Ass Kicker

    This has been a week from hell this week, and I’m about to go into a meeting with THE BOSS. So, this post came at a perfect time as I’ve been feeling defeated all week.

    Ass Kicker

  • May 4, 2010 Nonhlanhla

    Its time to do some ass kicking. Thank you for the inspirational words,I have been going through some hell weeks and now its my time to stand up and shine. Thank you. God bless you.

  • May 7, 2010 Yolanda Solo

    I don’t have to feel this way…. I like it.

    I know all the theory, but need things like this to link the theory to taking action!

    Love it

  • May 19, 2010 Lance

    This is sooooo where I am right now, you REALLY have a knack for nailing it Dave! Time to kick some crap attitude ASS!

  • Jul 19, 2010 kicked my butt

    After 34 years in law enforcement I have been suspended accused of something that did not happen. Talk about hell week! Gotta fight this or lose everything I stand for. I keep saying “I don’t have to feel this way” cause if I let myself feel anything it ain’t good. So if I am ready to not feel this way, what is the next step?

  • Oct 25, 2010 Ass Kicker

    I wish I had seen this earlier. Thank you so much for a wonderful post.
    “I don’t have to feel this way.”

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