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Apr 5, 2010

Give Up

Think about something you’re enormously unhappy with in your life, and don’t read any farther until you do so.  Just focus on one thing that has been frustrating you for years and seems unchangeable, whether it’s an external circumstance or an internal struggle.  I’ll wait.

Got it?  Good.  Now I’m going to tell you why it’s such a problem in your life, and you’re probably going to get mad at me. But I’m okay with that, because sometimes we have to get a little healthy friction going to light a fire under your ass.  So here goes.

The reason you have persistent obstacles in your life is because you’re unwilling to give up tolerating their existence.

Yeah, I can imagine this isn’t what you want to hear right now.  You want me to tell you it’s all going to be okay if you just work harder, but we both know that’s not helping.  You’ve tried and failed before, and you’re still struggling with this “permanent” obstacle.  And of course I don’t understand your situation, because “this really isn’t your fault.”

Well, OK, I’ll give you that.  I’m not going to say that any bad situation in your life is your fault.  I don’t know know who or what caused your problem.  But I do know what’s allowing that problem to remain something that’s persistently holding you back, and it’s your commitment to the way you identify with it.

You see, on some level you believe in your heart of hearts that you just can’t break past this obstacle, and you’re unwilling to give that belief up because it’s safer than what lies on the other side.

Maybe it’s a felony-level traumatic event in your past that someone else caused that’s scarred you emotionally (I know exactly how that feels).  Maybe it’s a chronic lack of willpower that has held you back as long as you remember (check that too, I’m with you).  Maybe it’s a personal failing or shortcoming that has locked you into a “label” for life.

Or maybe it’s just a simple belief that you don’t have enough time/money/talent/whatever in your life … or maybe the old standby “I’m too busy / I’m too tired.”  (And yes, I’m counting myself among the offenders here.)

These are all very real sources of pain in our lives, and all very real, very valid obstacles.  They are strong, overwhelming forces that have shaped our past in ways that we weren’t  strong enough to resist.

But today?  If it’s still going to affect you for the next 24 hours, it’s because you’re committed to believing it must affect you.  You’re not willing to give up playing the victim and demand the benefits (and responsibilities) that moving forward demands.

Strong words from someone who just doesn’t understand how your situation’s different.  But I have to tell you, I think I understand it pretty well.

You see, we all have what I call a “success identity,” a personal view of what we think we deserve, what we think we’re capable of, and what we think we’ll have access to in this life.  In some of areas, our success identity is strong, and we perform well in that arena.

In other areas, our success identity is weak and hindered by limiting beliefs, and we stay locked into a narrow range of experiences. And giving up that limiting belief can be very, very hard – so hard that most of us will never do it.

For example, think of your current monthly income, and multiply it by 50.  Can you actually see yourself making that much within 5 years?  I’d say for the bulk of us, that’s a damn scary thought.  50 times your regular paycheck is mindboggling … but only if you’ve never already believed you could achieve that.

Or maybe getting into “perfect” shape is the limiting factor here. Maybe you eat junk food, don’t exercise and have been steadily gaining weight, and the idea of getting into an ideal physical state seems impossible.

Or perhaps you’re so “messed up” emotionally that the idea of being a “together” person seems ludicrous.  (I mean seriously, Dave, it’s easy for you to say I can change, but I’m not like you, can’t you see that?)

Hell yes, you’re not like me.  And I’m not like you.  And we each have our own baggage to unpack and overcome (and you’re likely trouncing me in areas I struggle with).

But here’s the thing:  Whatever seems ludicrous, whatever you say “I could never do that …” to, that’s the limiting belief that you are absolutely committed to.  In fact, you’re so committed to it that you’ve got a ready-made collection of reasons excuses to support it – and you’ll fight me like hell before you give it up.

I don’t have the time.  I’m too shy.  I’m too fat.  There’s already someone doing that.  Who am I to do that?  I’m no expert!  I’m not good looking enough.  I stutter.  I walk funny.  My teeth suck.  I can’t speak well.  I’m too clumsy.  I’m too chicken.  I’m not smart enough.  I’ll never have the money to do that.  That’s for other people, not me.  I don’t have the talent.  It’s easy for you to say, you don’t have my commitments.  I’m too far behind  in things.  I’ve tried before.  They won’t let me.  I don’t have any options.  You just don’t understand.

Yeah, I understand.  I understand that we both will never overcome our obstacles until we’re willing to give up the luxury of making excuses for why we can’t have/be/do something.

What’s that?  You don’t think that making excuses is a luxury?  Well, then let’s see how long you can go without it. :-)

Look, I’m not saying any of this is easy.  It’s damned hard.  But honestly, if you’re experiencing a long-term lack of anything in life, it’s because you’re convinced that it’s normal (and tolerable) for that circumstance to exist. You’ve given up believing that life should be – and will be – any different.

But instead you should be giving up that limiting belief.  You should be saying “There’s no reason I can’t have this, too.”

Are you willing to look at that generalized limiting belief about your life you’ve been clinging on to – even though you hate it – and to just give it up? If you don’t, you’ll always find an excuse to allow it to thrive.

But if you give it up – if you refuse to tolerate that limit’s right to exist in your life – then you’ll be able to start smashing it to pieces and living a life that’s more to your liking.  Scary?  Yes.  Worth it?  Hell yes.

And that’s with no existential, hokey “believe it and the magic genie will tell the universe to give it to you” nonsense.  You “attract” what you tolerate.  You “attract” what you’re willing to believe you deserve.  You take action according to what you believe this ol’ universe has in store for you.  And that action creates your new, more desirable circumstances.

That thing you’re believing right now, that belief that cages you in as a small, scared, weak animal who is going to be stuck in the same place forever?  Give up that belief. Give. it. up.  I know it’s hard.  I know it hurts to believe that you can really have more than you think you deserve, more than you think you’re capable of.

But you can.  Other people have done it before you, and others will continue to do it, once they give up on accepting the “fact” that things will never change.

So let me give you some first steps to take, and then you can leave a comment and start making progress.

Ok, so how do we get the ball rolling on this?  Three simple steps:

  1. First, find someone who’s “just as screwed up as you are” or “worse,” but has managed to move past your limiting belief.  (If you’re as screwed up as I am, you’re in luck, because there’s tons of people to choose from.)
  2. Next, decide you’re going to use them as a hero and a mentor.  Commit to finding out how they did it and start looking into their story for inspiration (and if you’re already close to them, talk to them and ask for advice).
  3. Finally, write about it in the comments.  Tell me what limiting belief you’re going to give up on and who is going to be your inspiration/example.  If you’re worried about giving personal details, put “Ass Kicker” in the Name field below, and just tell me you’ve picked somebody.

The more of you who leave this kind of comment on this post, the more people you’ll inspire to take action.

Leave your comment.  Give up on your limiting belief.  Find a role model.  And then leave a comment.

Do it now.  You’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

P.S. – Once you’re done, hit that “retweet” button below & spread the word so others will be inspired to take action as well.  (And if you’ve come to this post via my Stop Settling newsletter, please forward it to at least one person today who needs to hear this!)

58 Responses to “Give Up”

  • Apr 5, 2010 Sid Savara

    Hey Dave,

    Thanks for giving me your weekly (at least!) ass kicking.

    The limiting belief that I continually have to quash is that nagging voice in my head telling me that I should just throw in the towel. I’ve read Seth Godin’s The Dip, and in spite of that every so often I’ll be in the middle of working on something when I wonder – what’s the point? Haven’t I wasted enough time on this, wouldn’t it be better to just throw in the towel and move on to something else?

    And to be honest, there have been times that I’ve thrown in the towel – some of them I’ve been happy about, and some of them years later I’ve regretted. More often than not though, I’d rather keep pushing on for “Fortune and Glory” (heh) or failure – rather than giving up, and wondering what might have been.
    Sid Savara´s last blog ..Your Hunger Will Fade – Five Ways To Keep Your Dreams Alive My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 5, 2010 Richard Corlett Lyon

    This is an absolute blinder with such hard hitting truth it ought to be made compulsory in all schools! Yeah, I know all the feelings of negativity being told by a significant adult to ‘give up’. I had over twenty years as a developing human of such downright idiocy. But, it can be overcome by hard effort. However, having this article in my early twenties would have saved me a great deal of floundering error. Brilliant!

  • Apr 5, 2010 Ass Kicker

    My x just ended a 3-year old relantionship that she had with me. I found it and still find it the most painful experience I have had so far. The fact that she was my first girl, my first love makes it even worse, because now I’m trapped in a never ending thought that I’ll never feel the same again for someone else. It’s been 4 months since we broke up, I keep seeing her on a street near me with this guy, kissing, holding eachother. It just breaks me every time it happens.

    I’ve tried a lot of things before, I’m going to try again, to let her go, by giving up the thought that she would have made it me happy if we were together.

  • Apr 5, 2010 Grace

    Hey Dave.

    I have been reading with much interest your articles and its surpirising that its only today that i have decided to work to lose 24 ugly kgs. There are some quite trigerring words which i set me thinking, i am starting and will keep you informed. regards and sincere thanks.grace

  • Apr 5, 2010 Matt S

    I’ve felt stuck in a dead-end job for years because I kept telling myself it was what I deserved. My wife has been trying to tell me otherwise — that I am, in fact, awesome — but even with her encouragement it has been hard to know how to proceed.

    Thankfully, we recently became best of friends with a pair of hero/mentors who have been showing us how to kick ass. I’m still at the dead-end job for the time being, but it no longer feels like my ineluctable destiny. It’s just something I have to do for a little while longer.

  • Apr 5, 2010 Beth

    Hey Dave,
    I keep not getting the jobs I apply for. I am going to work on losing the negative thoughts that go through my mind.
    Good advice. Will try at an interview today!
    Beth

  • Apr 5, 2010 Mary E. Ulrich

    There are so many things that get me down. Some I am able to let go: After spending Easter Sunday with my mother, I know I will never make my mother happy. I’m okay with that–I can let it go because I realized it was more about her than me.

    But somethings I can’t let go. I can’t give up on my son getting quality care. Today I have to start finding a new day program. Again. I can’t give up on him. His current day hab staff is not giving him good care. I’ve been working with them for over 3 years. I have to face facts. It will not happen and I have to pray there is somewhere better.

    Not sure this makes sense, but after writing that paragraph, I realized: Of course, I am not giving up on my son. In fact, I am affirming my love and commitment. BUT–I can give up on fixing his current day program. Wow, that is a kick-ass start to the morning.

  • Apr 5, 2010 Ass Kicker

    Thanks for this, Dave. The most helpful part for me is the idea to find a mentor–a concrete next step I had not thought of. I certainly recognize my own excuse-making, and have become sick of it, and am even ready to give up the limiting self-talk. But how? What action to take? The idea of seeking advice from someone else is a great one.

  • Apr 5, 2010 ass kicker2

    Dave – as usual, you’re right on target. I’m going to let go of the belief that I will never improve my poor follow-through. I have all the best intentions but suck at following through for others and myself. I want no one as a mentor – I need to make this commitment for me. Thanks for your eternally honest words.

  • Apr 5, 2010 Elizabeth Potts Weinstein

    So here’s a weird answer – I’m going to use myself as my example.

    I just (finally!) hired a COO to run the back end of my business. Felt *tons* of guilt and fear of letting go, of not doing that work myself, of the money stuff, etc. But I know the only way for me to have the space to do what I’m brilliant at is for me to let him support me … and to let him do what he is brilliant at.

    But I’m not doing this in my personal life. I suck at housekeeping, my apartment is a mess, I don’t remember to buy groceries, etc. and I really need to hire someone (even just 1x a week) to do that for me so I can do what I’m brilliant at. But the money / guilt / fear stuff is all there.

    So I’m using myself as my example. What works in my biz life also will work in my personal life.

    That is all.

    Elizabeth
    Elizabeth Potts Weinstein´s last blog ..Finding Ecstasy in Ordinary Life My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 5, 2010 Sara Carbaugh

    Wow… this was life changing. I have struggled with my low self esteem for years and years and it really affects everything that I do. Then, last year I did the craziest thing I’ve even done, I decided to start my own business and bank on the fact that people would work with me because they LIKED me. Maybe not crazy for others but for me it was WAY out of the box!
    Lately I’ve been returning to those evil thoughts of self doubt and not believing in myself and my abilities so this post has really helped me see that I just need to be happy with who I am and stop believing the self doubt vampires that I have in my head! Thank you so much for this! : )
    Sara Carbaugh´s last blog ..April Fools Day Gift! My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 5, 2010 Ass Kicker 3

    I’m so sick of under-living my life. And I’m going to let go of that. I help other people walk and live their big dream or vision and I won’t live mine. Because I’ve not been willing to give up the fear of being seen and known for who I really am. I’ve just wanted to push others to the front and cheer will I stay on the sidelines, coaching…but no living. I’m not there yet, but I’m getting the mentor and getting out of my own way. Thanks Dave.

  • Apr 5, 2010 Rebecca Renaud

    Thank YOU! WOW you have an extreme talent to put things in a way that anyone can understand and relate to! I am so thrilled I found your website.

    It is an honor to be jostled from the comfort of my “box” by someone who has such insight!

    Your words will remain on my mind as I move forward.

    Thanks!

    Now I am wondering – may I add a link to your site on mine? I think it could help many people but would not want to do it without your permission.

  • Apr 5, 2010 Ann Charles

    Dave, thanks for the ass kicking again. Going to stop labeling success in the way I have for over a decade (success equals becoming a NYT Bestselling author–which is controlled by someone other than me) and reshape what success means to me (success equals making enough money from my craft in order to support my family).

  • Apr 5, 2010 Hugh

    Dave I love the quote about giving up the luxury for making excuses. I just finished reading, “A Complaint Free World” , so I’ve been quite conscious of excuses / complaints recently. I think we can all look inside ourselves to see where we are being lazy and making excuses instead of overcoming our obstacles. Thanks for the kick in the ass!
    Hugh´s last blog ..Will The New Health Bill Create a Leaner America? My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 5, 2010 jennifer

    The limiting belief that holds me back is “I have to work a day job”…or rather, “I won’t be able to afford to work for myself.” I am so over today’s workplace and the politics and BS and having to work 40 hours sitting behind a desk in the office when it only takes me 20 hours to get my work done and I can do it all without having to set foot in the office.

    I don’t know anyone specifically who has overcome this belief and started their own business, but I am sure there are tons of people out there. So I am going to say for now my hero/inspiration will just be the idea that there are other people who have left a day job they hate to work for themselves and not only survived, but thrived. Thanks Dave!
    jennifer´s last blog ..Test Yourself: Show Off Your Writing My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 5, 2010 Christian Russell

    Beautiful concept Dave. I’ve seen this so often…it’s what I’ve always referred to as a “fear of success”, which most people would SWEAR they don’t have. Yet time and time again, they hit the same wall over and over again. Shortly after they either quit, give up or start a new venture, thinking the new thing will be the key. Really the key is you. As silly as that sounds, it’s the way it is. Our beliefs change everything about what we’re capable of achieving, and if you’re not where you want to be, it’s literally in most cases because you BELIEVE you’re not ready, not worthy, not capable…
    Christian Russell´s last blog ..Stop Reading This Blog – No Seriously My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 5, 2010 Ass Kicker

    I will decrease my reliance on my day job. I’ve wanted to leave the corporate world for years but have been bound by the pay and pension. ***AND my belief that I can’t do any better***

    I have a couple of people in mind to be my mentor – people who have left to do something else.

    Thanks for the kick in the pants.
    Ass Kicker´s last blog ..10 Key Elements to Rowing for a Cause My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 5, 2010 patrick

    Thank you, Dave.

    I’ve always felt that we are capable of pushing our minds and bodies much farther than we do.

    Challenging myself physically is not difficult. I do it, love it, but feel frustrated that I’m not doing more. To help with that, I’ve chosen my girlfriend as my mentor. She is a cancer survivor of sixteen years and has an absolutely amazing outlook on life. Part of that involves crushing every one of her perceived physical limitations.

    Her unassuming, no-nonsense, lead-by-example approach to fitness is incredibly inspiring, and for me, completely exhausting and totally invigorating.
    patrick´s last blog ..Follow your………dog My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 5, 2010 ass kicker

    I want to publish a novel. I’ve written five or six (one or two not quite finished). I’ve sent out queries, had a publishing company keep the manuscript for a year or longer, but haven’t really gotten anywhere in twenty or more years. I am now rewriting my first novel and my goal is to finish this in the next three months and get queries for it out. I usually send out about five queries and then quit.

    I have a (limited) support group and the hard part of this is finding a mentor. Part of this may be related to my attitude, and possibly that can be changed and then I’ll be able to find someone who was in my situation–unknown, middle of the country, no contacts–who managed to publish a novel that I thought worthwhile. I’ll work on that.

    c2

  • Apr 5, 2010 Melanie

    Christian Russell took the words right out of my mouth here, so let me just “ditto” his remarks.

    Having someone to rely on as a “sounding board”, I believe, is tantamount to anyone’s success in saying to-da-loo to baggage that’s weighing you down or holding you back.

    Great way to start a Moanday! Oops – I meant a Monday. :-)
    Melanie´s last blog ..Why Twins Have the Same Surname and Different First Names My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 5, 2010 Sue

    I’m working on leaving my career of 9 years as a nurse to create a life doing what I really love. This has been a powerful post to read, Dave. And yeah, we don’t want to admit we are the reason why we still have that limiting thought pattern in place that keeps us where we are.
    I have a mentor. One of those indirect, admire from a distance mentors, in Tama Kieves. She wrote “This Time I Dance”, about leaving Harvard educated corporate lawyerdom to live the life she is living, being who she really is. She keeps me going. She lifts me up every time I think of her. If she can do what she’s done, I can certainly do what I need to do. Enough settling for mediocrity.

  • Apr 5, 2010 Ass Kicker

    My limiting belief is that I’m lazy. I was told this over and over as a child and I’m still struggling with it. And – I honestly don’t know of anyone else who has had this limiting belief and moved on from it. Am I too lazy to find a hero/mentor too?

  • Apr 5, 2010 Ass Kicker

    My limiting beliefs:

    - That even though I have the talent and jokingly talk about winning a Tony someday and writing the next big Broadway musical, it won’t happen. People who work in professional theatre in New York have even TOLD me that my work is better than some of the shows starting out on Broadway right now, and I laugh and say “man, I wish!”. I have to tell myself that it *really* will happen! Not just daydream about it!

    - That my anxiety is preventing me from doing things like traveling or being onstage more.

    - That there must be some secret key other, less talented people have that makes them successful in the fields that I’m really exceptional in, while I sit and feel jealous that I’m not getting anywhere.

    Boy is it hard to let go of insecurities and move forward confidently, particularly in the performing and fine arts. But I know I’m better than that. I have to start taking myself seriously and believing in myself.

  • Apr 5, 2010 LaVonne Ellis

    GREAT points, Dave, but it’s important to point out that some obstacles, such as disabilities and illness, are real. Some people think we can wish them away with positive thinking. We can’t, but the real obstacle is our belief, not in the illness/disability, but our belief that we can’t DO ANYTHING because of it.

    I’ve been grappling with this belief recently, trying to work AROUND my illness instead of letting it continue to defeat me. I’m learning to pace myself, using the good days to best advantage, and taking care of myself on the bad days. And I’m discovering that I can still be productive and happy.

    I’m very grateful to you for giving me the kick in the ass I need every week, as well as the terrific business blueprint I can follow at my own pace in the Group Mentorship.

    My role model is Laura Hillenbrand, who in spite of crippling chronic fatigue, managed to research and write the best-selling book, Seabiscuit.

  • Apr 5, 2010 Lance

    Just like in the cartoons- the light has illuminated above my head. Bravo, Dave!

  • Apr 5, 2010 Jim Greenwood

    Hi Dave, So this is an ass kicking. Your perspective is Right On and leads me to add another step… Write On!In addition to realization, acceptance and finding successful role models I believe everyone has an opportunity to use writing to help them change …anything! I refer to a concept of Personal Journey to get it out(anything and everything) to gain perspective and objectivity and Personal Script to direct and review to the new objectives. I’ve just finished a Write On series that I hope will be helpful in sharing these moving forward writing concepts. (I would love your comments). As to what I’m unhappy with … I think my writing pales in comparison to others(I’m doing it everyday to try and improve). I want to physically flexible (touch my toes with straight legs)something I’ve never been able to do but now seems important, I don’t want to waste time (Every day and every moment seems so precious)… Your post was stimulating and agitating … Thank you.

  • Apr 5, 2010 Ass Kicker

    Dave, your great post was forwarded to me by a friend who struggles as much as I do. I want to write my novels and rewrite them and be pleased with them, rather than get bogged down in a mess of words and plot after several rewrites. I want to be done and be proud. The 2 other areas where I feel like I’ll never change are that I’m a pessimist who desperately wants to be an optimist (I’ve read every book on positivity and cognitive therapy), and I never like the jobs I have–I want to commit to a job and have it reflect my values rather than settle for what I “should” be doing. Thank you.
    Baltic Tiger

  • Apr 6, 2010 Urbanite

    I spent about a year floundering after giving up both the job that was tearing my self-confidence apart, and a simultaneous attempt to write a dissertation. I’ve never been so scared as I was when I had to face facts, fears, my own limitations, dreams, and hopes. It was such a strong experience – so, so painful and challenging, with self-doubt (am I doing the right thing?), confusion (is this the right way – or is this, or *this*?!), and growth. A couple of (exceptionally positive, achieving, amazing) friends supported me throughout the process, no matter the lows and drops in my self confidence, or how weak and sad I was, or what stupid things I was doing to myself because I didn’t believe that I could change, or that the change I was looking for was taking place inside me. I’m now in a wonderful job that I’m so pleased with, flexible, challenging, and engaging, dealing with subjects that I love.
    I learned that I can be more than I have been, that where I am now doesn’t mean that I can’t go to other places in the future.

    I’ve previously taken steps to take control of my emotional eating, and I think now may just be the moment to wrest myself from the headlock it’s been holding me in over the last 15 years.

    Thanks for the reminder that life is what you make it.
    Urbanite´s last blog ..Long-distance friends My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 6, 2010 Carl Harris

    Reallly good advice, Dave. The delusion is that in order to be successful we must do things that are ‘difficult’. That’s not how successful people operate – they do things that come naturally.

    Michael Neill tells us we should do things on the basis of ‘happy wanting’ and if we have to create ‘reasons’ for doing something it’s because we don’t really want to do it – I find if my feelings are working right for me the rest of the goal-journey takes care of itself.

    As much as possible I try to only do things that I actually get a kick out – even my day job gives me that.

    In terms of relationships – they should be easy and pleasant or you should leave them. I spent 13 years trying to make a marriage work because I thought it ’should’ – we had kids and felt a moral obligation to keep working at it – all that happened was my wife got better at arguing with me and making me feel bad.

    When I finally ‘gave in’ and left I still didn’t like it for a while but ‘unfortunately’ I discovered you get happier when you take the easier routes in life.

    It’s life’s way of telling you what you’re suited to.
    Carl Harris´s last blog ..Six Basic Moods My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 6, 2010 Rick Wedding

    This was very insightful Dave. Wow………! thanks for the lift.

  • Apr 7, 2010 dawnaj

    Wow, the flood of self accusations began to fill my brain. ‘Your not smart enough’, ‘talented enough’, and my all time favorite ‘you just don’t fit in anywhere’. My new mantra will need to change. I’ll have to research a mentor. They don’t usually just come out and say they are messed up and then succeeded. Thanks for the snap to Dave.

  • Apr 7, 2010 Monk Peabody

    Uh… DAMN! I’d write more but it seems I’ve got a habit or two to smash up! When did I put my sledgehammer away & pick up a feather? … no matter thanks for the reminder Dave.

  • Apr 7, 2010 Doug C.

    The whole time I was reading this I kept hearing Richard Bach in my head (a quote from his book, Illusions), “Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.”
    Doug C.´s last blog ..Draw On Yourself My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 7, 2010 OldManSalesMaster

    I think people get comfortable in their misery and one’s personal comfort level is hard to change. It is uncomfortable to do things you don’t want to do. It’s much easier (in the short run) to indulge yourself with poor habits. There must be a commitment that you know longer want those negatives in your life. Dave is absolutely right – we bring and then allow all this crap in our lives and then we refuse to take responsibility. I know that many problems begin with financial woes and get progressivly worse. For those problems AL Williams advise always motivated me. He said “If you go to work everyday you beat 50% of people. If you work hard everyday you beat another 40%. The other 10% is a dog fight.” I have always found it comforting that if I go to work everyday and work hard everyday then by default I am ahead of most. That confidence has empowered me over the years to conquer many of the things in my life that I wanted to improve.
    OldManSalesMaster´s last blog ..Your customer is really a cow! My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 8, 2010 Patrick Prothe

    Like others have said – very powerful. What whack on the head! I can relate to most all of the reasons you’ve listed here. Most significant for me is I gave it my all 10 years ago and failed. Now have a great job, but ambitions to do so much more. And am working on just that. And what you’ve said here is exactly what I’m focused on busting through. But you’ve said it so eloquently. Very Napoleon Hill.

    A big thanks to you!
    Patrick Prothe´s last blog ..The faster we communicate, the less we think My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 8, 2010 Laura Thomas, MFT

    Limiting beliefs, eh? For years, I lived my mother’s pattern, even going so far as to marry young, have a child and then get divorced by age 30. Luckily, with the aid of a good therapist and a lot of hard work busting some very limiting beliefs in myself, I allowed myself to want to be in another relationship, even a marriage. But here I was, in my 40’s, single mother to a teenager, overweight – basically I had a better chance of being hit by a bomb than remarrying, according to the “experts”. For some reason, though, I allowed my heart’s desire to exist (I want to be married again) and this chipped away and eventually smashed my limiting beliefs that I wasn’t lovable or loving, and couldn’t find love again.

    End of the story – I remarried at the age of 48 to a wonderful man who accepts me as I am (so no, I never lost a pound) and makes me laugh everyday.

    Now it’s time to apply this to some other areas of my life, including my business. Thanks for what everybody else has written, too – you guys are my heroes and mentors and I hope I can serve as the same for some of you, too.

  • Apr 8, 2010 Matthew Needham

    50 times monthly income in 5 years from now. Now, there is a thought. Very inspiring article. Re-tweeting now!

  • Apr 11, 2010 Alexis Martin Neely

    I love the direction of your recent blog posts Dave.

    My biggest belief that I’ve had to give up (and is a constant process) is that I have to settle and be okay with less than the best.

    This generally shows up around people.

    First of all, I have held a belief that if I just create the right conditions, I can train anyone to do anything with excellence.

    Then, I’ve held the belief that if the people I’ve brought on don’t live up to my expectations, that I need to revise my expectations.

    I constantly make excuses for the people in my life because I know I’m a freak when it comes to perfection and hard work and don’t expect everyone to live up to my insanity.

    Well,that’s okay for friendship, but not okay for business and it’s held me back in a big, bad, ugly kind of way.

    Oh, and that everyone has to like me.

    That’s one to give up. Hard. And necessary.

    Alexis
    Alexis Martin Neely´s last blog ..The Entrepreneurial Map: Three Stages of Business My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 12, 2010 jennydecki

    I was just telling my husband last night that I’ve never been a cleaner and he knew that way before we were married.

    So, I don’t know if the problem is that I need to squash that belief and clean, or if I need to hire a housekeeper.

    Is hiring a housekeeper just falling further into the luxury of the excuse?

    Does it matter?
    jennydecki´s last blog ..Undercover Boss, Plubmers, and why I’d Always Say No to Yes Plumbing. My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 12, 2010 Emily

    I think I’m going to go off of my medication. I suffer from PTSD and bi-polar, but I think that I should be able to function without my meds since everyone else can lead a normal productive life without being medicated. I don’t want to have this crutch to have to lean on anymore. I should totally be able to pull myself up by my bootstraps and just “get over it”. That is what I’m going to do. Thanks for your help on making this so clear to me.

  • Apr 12, 2010 Ass Kicker

    Limiting Belief: that if i really try to get what i want i will be rejected. and shit, i’m a cancer so, i can’t possibly take the rejections. this is a fear of letting go, keeping it moving and continuing to move even despite the challenges.

    this article just reinforced a great decision and hard decision i made. necessary and i feel better for it.

  • Apr 12, 2010 CatMac

    Good Morning…you have made it to my favs toolbar (trust me, a high honor…lol!) I don’t know who you are, or where you came from, but in the SF Bay Area where I live…we would call you “The Bomb”…lol! I am so very grateful for your inspirations each morning; your are like an old friend with a good cup of joe and a whip! So, following the letter of the law…My inspiration is my oldest daughter…and I am going to give up limiting mindsets that I cannot be a successful business woman. I am a smart, motivated, talent single mom looking to retire in 15 years, and I will do it by selling my vintage-retro thrift store! I also will build residual income for my future by my freelance writing, which I have already begun and received a lil chunk of change from! Thanks for your words of encouragement, every day! Your totally ROCK! Peace & Blessings ~

  • Apr 14, 2010 June

    I have been caught in the limiting belief that writing won’t pay the bills and thus is worthless ever since my parents put the kibbosh on certain college dreams of mine. I need to let go of wanting to please them and do what is best for me, without the excuses that they taught me to always have at the ready. My mentors? Billy Corgan for being who he wanted to be despite messed up parental influence and Brandon Sanderson, cause that man sits down and cranks out epicness everyday and I can even watch it happen through Twitter.

    Thanks for an awesome article. I have been struggling with my limiting beliefs about my worth for a long time.
    June´s last blog ..The Ways of the World: Addled by Adverbs My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 15, 2010 Doug C.

    My intention here is not to promote myself or my web site, but after reading all these great comments I wanted to ask you wonderful folks to click the blog article link “Draw on Yourself” at the bottom of my comment. I wrote that article as an inspiration to folks just like all of you.

    Please stop by if you get a chance and read it for I know it will pick you up.

    Thanks.
    Doug C.´s last blog ..Draw On Yourself My ComLuv Profile

  • Apr 16, 2010 Jamie L

    Hey Dave,

    You’re right on the money. I have to give up the belief that my “disability” which I have been in a quandary about for ten years now is going to get the better of me. Every time doctors and family let me know that I have this disability (schitzophrenia) that prevents me from having success in my life, no matter how angry I feel, somewhere inside I believe them. So I’m gonna give up that belief that this “illness” is going to be the end of me and let you rock my day, Dave.

  • Apr 17, 2010 Yami

    I’m going to turn to my boyfriend for advice on eating right, and my mom for advice on exercise, and with those two people backing me, I’m going to get rid of my limiting belief that I’ll never build the healthy habits I need to stay…well, healthy!

  • Jun 9, 2010 ASS KICKER

    Some people say that giving up is easy but I disagree. I believe that it take more strength to give up than to go on. If you have a wealthy family who cares then giving up is the easiest thing to do. However, if you are from a poor family where no one cares giving up is the hardest thing to do. If I give up who is going to pay the bills? Who is going to send the children to school and attend to their physical, psychological, mental and spiritual needs? If there is someone who will do this for me then certainly giving up will be easy.

  • Jul 2, 2010 me

    When I first read stumbled upon this site, I thought that the thing I was most frustrated about was my inability to quit smoking. But as I sat with it, and dug a bit deeper into my limiting belief I discovered that it was that I didn’t deserve to be in top physical shape – and that surprised me. I realized that what was stopping me from achieving this was that I would become one of those people that were boringly fit, who people hated on because they were in awesome shape, who became obsessed with their own fitness. Actually, I recognize that it’s about a period of time in my youth that needs no elaboration – I know it, that’s all that matters. But that’s what has been stopping me. It is quite the eye-opener – both about what I truly want and what has been stopping me from working towards it.

    And then I thought about a mentor/hero – someone to inspire me and I couldn’t come up with anyone. Then it came to me – “I” was my inspiration. I knew that I could challenge what I thought it meant to be in amazing shape. Does that make sense? It meant really challenging my limiting belief – and that excites me.

    So I’m giving up the luxury of my limiting beliefs – I’ve smoked my last cigarette, drank my last glass of wine, and spent the last day on the couch. I know what I want and I know what it’s going to take to achieve it…and I can’t get the smile off my face.

    Who would’ve thought I’d get this ass-kicking in this way. Must have been meant to be!

  • Jul 16, 2010 Helen

    Thanks Dave … today I’ll give up accepting scraps from unavailable men because I believe that no one (boo hoo) will ever love me for who I am … f-ing hell man … what a crock, HX

  • Sep 8, 2010 kick du ass

    My limiting belief is that I won’t get out of debt.
    thanks Dave!

  • Sep 12, 2010 Angie

    Hey Dave. My limiting belief is that i should just throw in the towel and escape from what i put myself into. (Deep shit) Thank you for bringing me out from that mess. I’m working on it.

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