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Oct 25, 2010

Don’t Make Things Complicated

Think of a difficult decision you’ve been putting off for a long, long time.  Something that’s really hard to have to deal with, and so you’ve been putting it off forever.

Sit with the emotions that decision stirs up for a minute.  Think of why it seems so scary, so complex, so hard to deal with.

And then listen with an open mind when I tell you you’re probably blowing it out of proportion.  (I know.  I do it all the freaking time.)

Just because a decision is hard doesn’t mean it is complicated.

Big decisions often seem like the hardest things in the world, but that difficulty is often self-generated because we add all this baggage around it.  We worry about all the “fallout” from the decision, and we let that create this ominous Cloud of Crazy that shields us from ever making a decision.

Here’s an example:  About 6 months ago I quit my day job after being in the computer industry for over a decade.  I liked the paycheck, but hated the work experience (I realize now that I’m patently unemployable, because I just hate taking orders).

So the decision was simple (but hard): Work my ass off to build a business that would give me freedom.

But as I got closer to making it real, the decision became really complicated and emotional:

  • I’ll have to do all this business paperwork, and I have no idea where to start.
  • What will all the people who depend on me at work do?  I was pretty central to the operation, so I knew that it would be hard to replace the roles I filled.
  • How would I feel about leaving my team?  I hated my job, but I loved the people I worked with.
  • How would I train a replacement to do the things I did, the way I did them?
  • What would I do about insurance?  And taxes?  And this and that and the other thing?
  • What would my friends think?  Would I still have friends?
  • What would my relatives think?  Would they give me constant flack?

… and so on, and so on.  The thought of quitting work became a hugely stressful event because I worried about the “fallout,” and it helped me do just enough self-sabotage that I kept myself a safe distance from having to make a decision.

But it’s not the fallout that matters.  It’s the decision.

Ultimately, I had to face the fact that I just couldn’t live in that job, in that industry anymore.  It was crushing me & bleeding my will to exist out a bit more each day, and I reached a breaking point where I realized that I couldn’t not make the decision.

The fallout didn’t matter. Well, sure, it mattered in that it was important to deal with, and it was real, but it wasn’t a valid excuse to avoid making the decision:

  • Either do something unsatisfying with the rest of my career … or do something I love.

Once I focused on that (and told myself I could handle the fallout when it came), the decision was made.

Walking in and giving notice was a very hard thing to do, but it wasn’t complicated.  It was dead simple.  Either-or.

The thing is, you can handle the fallout.  Really.

Here’s the deal – scary “end of the world” things are rarely as bad as we make them out to be.

We survive. Others survive.

The world doesn’t end because we had to make a decision that inconvenienced ourselves (or others).

And sometimes it’s like a band-aid – it hurts like hell while you’re tearing it off, and then it feels better.

In fact, sometimes everyone ends up better off, because there’s a relief, a closure in the decision being made.  You can finally move on.  Everyone else, can too.

(And as surprising as it was to me, my day job team still survived after I left.  Who knew!)

Life goes on.  And often time, it gets better.

Focusing on the fallout is a convenient distraction, and that keeps you safe from making decisions.

It’s not easy to compartmentalize the fallout and really take a long, hard look at the simple-but-painfully-hard decision.

But if you want to move forward, it has to be done.

Think of a decision you’re avoiding.  Ask yourself if you’re focusing on the fallout, and using that as an excuse to avoid the decision.

Life is pretty fucking tough.  Please don’t make it harder on yourself.  You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, and I have my suspicions that you’ll rise to the occasion.

You get to live this life exactly one time, and you don’t want to look back 10 years from now wishin you had the stones to make the tough call.

If it helps, imagine that you had a friend that was struggling with this decision, and you could truly look at it objectively.  What would you tell them?  Then tell yourself.

Easy?  Hell, no.

Complicated?  It doesn’t have to be.

Easier said than done?  Hell, yes.  But that’s not an excuse for not doing it.

So here’s what I’m going to tell you to do right now …

  1. Pick one decision you’ve been putting off now and name it. Whatever it is that you’ve been telling yourself you need to do, but “It’s just so hard …”  - pick it and decide you’re going to separate the decision from the fallout.   Do it now – even before you leave a comment.
  2. Then leave a comment below and let me know that you’re going to act on your decision, and tell us what it is if you’re up to it.  If you don’t want to put your name in, put “Ass Kicker,” that’s good enough for me.
  3. Spread the word about  this article.  This is an important message, and I want it to really get some reach.  Click that retweet button below if you would, and spread the word however you can.

Do it now – you’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

47 Responses to “Don’t Make Things Complicated”

  • Oct 25, 2010 Cara

    Wow – well that hit the nail on the head didn’t it?

    I’ve been struggling with this decision about what to do with my career. I really dislike my job and doubt that I want to continue in the field at all, but I got so caught up in the fallout (what if I can’t make money on my own, what if I miss my coworkers too much, etc). But you are completely right, the decision is easy.

    So that’s it – I’m going to act on my decision. I am not going to stay with my company any more and I am not going to stay in my field. This time next year, I will be making a living on my own.

    Whew – that feels good! And scary!
    Cara´s last blog ..What to do when you don’t feel like cooking My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 stace

    Hi Dave, Glad you are back. My decision is to stick with this tedious search for a willing donor/s and how to get grant process until I raise at least enough for school fees (say $5000) and for this early education group in the middle of nowhere in Kenya ($10,000 all up min) I became involved with on a supposed stop over month in the country (was there 7 months and ended up with a boyfriend and a grassroots organisation/ngo). Then I will start a business to sustain me and the program so I don’t have to go through this again

  • Oct 25, 2010 Amy Hoy

    Damn, that hits me where I live. That “fallout” thing is a damn good way of thinking about it.

    For me, it’s about moving back to the US from Vienna, Austria. Or at least living there half time.

    Fallout? The new friends I’ve made in Austria thinking I don’t care about them. Feeling like I’m a coward, a loser, giving up before I ought to, and contradicting some of my deeply held beliefs. Did I try hard enough? Is it my fault? Should I just accept the cultural differences here that make me miserable?

    The major hassle of moving. The other major hassle of my credit report not looking so good, not because I don’t have the money but because I’m a flake who forgets to pay on time. That could cause trouble renting a nice apartment. The decision of WHERE to live. And we’re keeping a place in Vienna — so do we keep this (expensive) Vienna apartment or get a cheaper one (moving again, crap)? Going back to weather that I hate. Health insurance… one of the biggest damn worries, straight up, since last time I tried to get private insurance, I was denied. Screwing up the things I’m trying to do for my health (surgery with a long recovery period). Flying more often (makes me sick, and is generally unpleasant). Taxes. Legality… it’s very hard to figure out what’s legal and not when you move countries and you’re self-employed.

    That’s all fallout. And the decision I came to this weekend was, whatever – I’ll figure it out.I just really want to go home. Maybe not forever, maybe I’ll feel better if I just live there part-time, but I can’t stand it any more. Maybe there’s something more I could do to find the people I need to be happy here in Vienna, but is it worth it? Being around the right people is so instrumental to my happiness… and if I walked into any major city in the US, I’d have a bunch of people who’d welcome me with enthusiasm, strangers and friends.

    It’s been a really hard decision to come to, but you’re right – it’s not complicated. It was all “well, I don’t love him but I already bought a wedding dress!”. Well, I am unhappy here, and I have put in a very good effort to improve that and it didn’t work. So the trappings of health insurance and credit reports and weather aren’t really very good excuses.
    Amy Hoy´s last blog ..I’ve Made 216-688 From Products This Year My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Ass Kicker

    I need to speak to the orchestra director about all these things we keep missing. Good gawd, I’m such a chicken!!

  • Oct 25, 2010 Mary E. Ulrich

    As Halloween approaches and people put on costumes and try to be “scary” it always makes me smile. I think it is a great idea to separate the “scary” from the action. That I can do. Face my fears and put them aside so I can get the job done.

    Love the phrase, “Cloud of Crazy” think you should coin that one.

    My issues are when I have to choose between bad choices. The good choice doesn’t exist and I can’t create it. Not only does that paralyze and depress me but it steals my energy and hope. And no matter how many times I say the serenity prayer, it is damn complicated.
    Mary E. Ulrich´s last blog ..Technology Act- Just for the Deaf and Blind My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Ass Kicker/Lisa Marie Mary

    I did it! I did it! I emailed him and I feel amazing! Thank you so much!
    Ass Kicker/Lisa Marie Mary´s last blog ..I Love Soul-Flower My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Adam Porter

    There ya go, Cara! I’m in the exact same position.

    I don’t like my job (software dev.), or my field anymore. I’ve wanted to leave for quite a while now. My fallout includes all the standards common ones, plus I work for my family business.

    It’s like double-scary. Not only am I severing ties with coworkers, but also severing ties with several members of my family (to a certain degree). Yikes!

    I don’t work directly with or for any of them, but I’m still a fairly large part of the business.

    I’ve been struggling to build up my own business, which will let me quit the job…but along with the “what if I fail?” stuff, I believe there’s some self-sabotage in there. While very little is “good” here at the family biz, there’s a deep tie to it. I’ve got the family pride as the driving force to stick with it, but I don’t have the passion to stick with it…and lack of passion has been draining me in all areas of my life.

    So, Pride vs. Passion. I think cultivating my real passions are going to win out, in the end.

    I dare say that 12 months from now, I’ll be self-employed!

  • Oct 25, 2010 Kick Ass Karen

    Hey, I missed you! But you were clearly going through your own stuff.

    I’m making a decision to commit more to a career change for myself and tell people of my plans, instead of spreading my energy around.
    Kick Ass Karen´s last blog ..All Hail Tempura Pants My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Nikki

    Hey Dave,

    I’m with Cara on this one.

    I’ve now been in my current job for nearly 4 years. It’s fine, it pays my bills, it’s local to where I live, blah blah blah. The people are great, we all get on well.

    But there are days that it bores me to tears. I find I don’t perform well as I’m just so frustrated by not using my somewhat-diminishing mental capabilities. I find myself daydreaming at work and resentful that I have to go into the office and do things that just don’t interest me.

    You must think I’m an awful employeee – in my defence I’d say I was fed up, rather than awful. I do *do* my work, it just takes longer than it should and I get no pleasure in it at all.

    The thing is knowing what to do instead. I’d like to work from home (or wherever!), in some sort of internet-related capacity. I’d like to work for myself. But there’s the fear of not knowing what to do, and giving up a comfortable though boring life for….well, for what?

    The fear of the unknown is a terrible mistress. It tempts a little and teases with promises of what could be, but then as you go to step off that ledge, you don’t know whether the support will be there. Isn’t that in Indiana Jones & The Holy Grail?

    *sighs*

    I need to do something though, as this Groundhog Day is getting me down.

    Nikki
    Nikki´s last blog ..The Purple Minxy Witch – unveiled before your very eyes! My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Turned off

    New reader/subscriber. I really, really like your common sense, simplified advice. Something I need to declutter my thoughts. I don’t even mind a little of the expletives used — somewhat refreshing from the typical same-old advice writings. BUT, I’d just like to say that you lose your effectiveness when you go all-out with the “f” words or similar (”freakin’”) and some other words that might be over-the-top. Keep the language toned down, and you’ll keep more readers AND their attention to what you’re actually conveying. :) God bless ya all.
    Turned off´s last blog ..Don’t Make Things Complicated My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Charlotte

    First off, I disagree 100% with “Turned Off.”

    Next up, an observation: this article is wonderful and gets my hopes up bigtime, but then I go and read an article like this one:

    http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/10/21/60minutes/main6978943.shtml

    With stuff like this, I’m having a really hard time deciding to leave my secure-but-hated state university job and go it on my own:

    * * *

    Sara Huber may lose her family business of 23 years. “Everything’s gone and we can’t survive ’cause these people can’t survive,” she explained.

    “Because these people don’t have jobs, they’re not coming to your business?” Pelley asked.

    “The equity lines are frozen, Right. People don’t have credit. There’s nothing there,” she replied.

    When asked how long her business can go on, Huber said, “We’re going month to month, literally. I’m praying for more work.”

    * * *

    Doug Francone took matters into his own hands: he created jobs for him and his son, buying a franchise that cleans air ducts. He spent his 401(k) on this. But, there hasn’t been enough business to make money.

    “I don’t wanna come off like ‘Oh you know, woe is us.’ There’s other people struggling a lot worse than we are. But it’s certainly very different for us,” he told Pelley.

    “You’re surprised to be in this place?” Pelley asked.

    “Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Shocked really,” Francone replied.

    * * *

    The reasoning and logic behind this (Dave’s) blog entry is solid. But with external circumstances like these, should we REALLY be encouraging people to make the leap? I’m not so sure, and am curious about what you think. I deal with this conundrum on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis, on a personal level.

  • Oct 25, 2010 LaVonne Ellis

    That’s funny. Was there bad language? I didn’t even notice, lol. It ain’t broke, Dave, so don’t fix it.

    Me, I don’t have any decisions hanging over my head any more. My big, bad decision got made a couple of months ago, and I can tell you from the other side it was totally worth it.

    I had a long-time, soul-sucking friendship to end so I could focus my time and energy on starting my business, but I felt guilty about “abandoning” my friend. I went through months of pretending everything was fine while feeling ever-more resentful.

    Finally, my subconscious made the decision for me. I said, “Fuck you,” into the phone after I thought she’d hung up. Badda-bing, friendship over. After thinking about it, I realized I’d gotten what I wanted, so I didn’t do my usual apologetic suck-up.

    Almost immediately, the fear and paralysis I struggled with for so long in my business was over. I started to take action and see results.

    My only regret? That I didn’t end the friendship like a grown-up.
    LaVonne Ellis´s last blog ..OMG- Another CustomerLove Challenge! My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Amy Hoy

    Charlotte, you’re thinking of it all wrong. Should you quit your job? Maybe not. But your employer could quit your job for you at any time, unless you are in very unusual circumstances for an American.

    Most unemployed people are unemployed because they have no job, not because their small business failed.

    Security by employment doesn’t truly exist.

    So if you hate your job, and your big decision is to quit, you don’t have to quit right this minute. But you should admit that that’s what you want, and start working on that plan *now.*
    Amy Hoy´s last blog ..I’ve Made 216-688 From Products This Year My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Jennifer Louden

    Dave, great post, I’m putting a link to in my next post. You are such a brave, clear thinker!
    Jennifer Louden´s last blog ..Comfort During Fearful Times- My Mom My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Gilmar Oliveira

    I loved it. You’ve gone straight to the point.
    It helped me to unlearn my old fashion way of making decisions and learning an updated one.
    Thanks
    Sincerely
    Gilmar

  • Oct 25, 2010 Jocelyn

    I am going to stop going in fifty different career directions and procrastinating and FINALLY get down to working on a business idea that I am passionate about, but have been to scared to pursue.

  • Oct 25, 2010 Sandra

    I finally decided to quit a project I was not enjoying. As Jocelyn said in the comment above, I’d rather focus on something I’m truly passionate about.
    Sandra ´s last blog ..Goodbye Cause Blogger My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Burton Kent

    This reminds me of a story I read somewhere about Norman Schwartzkopf – “Stormin’ Norman”, the commander of the coalition forces in Desert Storm.

    He was placed in a new command, and was presented with a decision to be made. The previous commander had wrestled with the decision for years. Schwartzkopf heard both sides of the issue then made a decision.

    When asked how he could make a decision so quickly when the previous commander couldn’t, he explained something like “Either decision could have been right. The important thing is I trusted my men to make it be the right decision.”

    I think a lot of people don’t trust their ability to make it be the right decision. If you’re going to second guess yourself and your commitment constantly, what will that do to your motivation?

    Make up your mind and go for it. Adjust course, but don’t look back.
    Burton Kent´s last blog ..CodeIgniter’s Built In Lameness My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Sarah Seidelmann MD

    Getting clear on work so that I can ENJOY the true sweetness of why we launched in the first place….

  • Oct 25, 2010 Sue Mitchell

    This was very timely for me because I’m making the decision right now to let go of some things in my life to make time to expand my coaching business. Also had a Twitter exchange with David Crandall this morning about throwing caution to the wind and making “risky” choices that lead to a more satisfying life.

    Sometimes the biggest risk is in staying in the stuck place where you think you’re playing it safe, but you’re really risking your quality of life every single day.

    The fact that both you and David C. came on my radar today with these thoughts reminds me of how resources always show up to support you, but usually not until you commit to your decision.

    Yay. Thanks for this!

  • Oct 25, 2010 Dave Doolin

    Good timing. An hour ago, I scheduled a price doubling for Oct 31. On twitter, so it’s official (right?).

    Funny how that is. I can do all that other stuff, the paperwork, the taxes, all of it. It’s only down to the sales now. It’s the last piece.
    Dave Doolin´s last blog ..How Social Networks Are Changing Psychology My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Kick ass coach Jenn Brockman

    Hmm. I got this message repeatedly yesterday about doing something else, something new, something outside of my comfort and knowledge zone.

    I’m not sure what. I already went to school – spent way more money than was comfy and on a payment plan which is even more uncomfortable for me.

    So, what it is is my question to find. I know the message.

    PS.
    I’ve missed your posts here Dave!

  • Oct 25, 2010 Marcel C.

    Great post — I’ve been putting off the decision to drop several distracting projects and clients out of ego/pride.

    Time for focus!
    Marcel C.´s last blog ..Facebook Tip- Move multiple pictures to another album at once My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Naomi Niles

    I’m going to make a plan, with real milestones and a deadline. And then I’m going to do it.
    Naomi Niles´s last blog ..Landing Page Review- David Bier Photography My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 25, 2010 Dorothy Ray

    Pretty much the way I felt when I took my children and left a marriage to go to a strange city where I re-entered college. Had to leave a way of life behind that was comfortable in many ways. As scary and hard as it was to settle into a completely new kind of life, I never regretted my decision, even when tears clouded my vision.

  • Oct 26, 2010 Matt

    Aha! My turn. About three months ago I quit my job in the company I had built myself. Sold my shares, moved on, for precisely the reasons you did the same.

    Since then I’ve been hustling, paying the bills and getting on. It’s working, but it’s not the Big Plan.

    So my commitment to me, and to you, is to get those two websites I’ve been tweaking and tuning and wasting time on for the last four weeks LIVE by FRIDAY.

    You rocked my day, Dave. Just sayin’

    PS – I’ll send you a copy of my book once it’s out. You might like chapter 5: “Stop Making It So Difficult!”

    Great minds, eh?

  • Oct 26, 2010 jr

    Good you’re back.

  • Oct 26, 2010 Michele Nicholls

    Welcome back, my Tuesdays haven’t been the same without you! (I’m in the UK, it arrives late)
    All I can say is, you’ve put, very clearly, what i finally realised about 25 years ago, and gradually managed to put into practise on a consistent basis. Very few decisions bother me any more, not that I’m not touched by emotional concerns, but I know that fear always makes bad decisions (when it lets you get round to it!)
    My Mum always told me, ‘It’s not what happens to you that matters, but how you deal with it.’ Being stuck in a job you hate, or a destructive relationship – or whatever, it’s something that happens to you, the mark of your character is how you deal with it, and that means making rational, not emotional, decisions. You only have one life, make sure it really is yours!
    Michele Nicholls´s last blog ..An eye opening weekend My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 26, 2010 Annie Stith

    Hey, Ass Kicker! ;)

    I’ve been putting this one off for months and months!

    I have a 1990 Mazda 626DX that I bought in 1993 and finished paying for in 1997. It’s been great to not have a car payment, and she’s run really well for me. Until lately. And now the clutch is probably gone.

    I also live in a hi-rise in a not-so-nice neighborhood that’s spilled into the building with crackheads, dealers… even a loanshark. I stay in my apartment because I don’t feel safe outside of it.
    But I need to move into another HUD-sponsored building because my disability income’s *so* low.

    I have money saved with a friend (or I’d spend it), a check from Prez Obama as “relief” for my medications, and am hoping, if MO hasn’t changed its tax laws, to have another chunk in Jan or Feb.

    It will be enough to move OR replace the car.

    I have just decided I’ll be moving. I’ve been without a vehicle before. So long as the grocery’s not too far, it’ll work.

    Moving will save my sanity. Having a vehicle will save me bus and cab fare. I’ll miss my ol’ girl for sure, but with 250K miles, she doesn’t have much left.

    Annie

  • Oct 26, 2010 Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach

    A topic near and dear to my heart!

    I’m from the school of “just freakin’ DO IT” – the longer you put off any sort of action, the longer you still in the same unhappy place.

    Giving yourself permission to make things happen – it’s the only way to move your life forward. Took me years to internalize that…..
    Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach´s last blog ..Brilliant Way To Wow First Time Commenters and it’s free- too! My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 26, 2010 S&M

    This completely hits home on so many levels but most of all it really clarifies how to look at relationships. You aren’t supposed to be miserable in a relationship but sometimes the fear of losing the person or the aftermath of that can take over and you become paralyzed. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s complicated. Fantastic!

  • Oct 27, 2010 Jonny Gibaud

    I like to stay true to the K.I.S.S rule and Keep It Simple Stupid.

    Go out and KISS everything.

  • Oct 27, 2010 Ass Kicker

    So…you’ve turned on a light…literally. I made a call before I wrote this comment even, gave a relative by marriage the green light to totally ignore me, told her she could get me out of her life, because the more I struggle to grow some kind of relationship with her, the more awful things become. And the one in the middle, the one we both say we love, is getting hurt by the two most important people in her life causing constant friction. How unreasonable is that. So it’s time to let go, give them freedom, take myself out of their picture, and wish them a happy life together–with no interference from mom.

    I thought this was a way too hard of a thing to do. But once I said the words — “I’m out. No more interference from me.” The stone is off my chest.

    Thank you.

  • Oct 27, 2010 wendy s pearson

    After months of research and planning and yes procrastinating around exactly this topic – I finally launched my new website this week and began putting it all out there.

    No its not perfect. No its not complete. But holding onto it and not “shipping” as Seth Godin calls it, was starting to wear on my morale, making me think I really couldn’t do it. Accomplishing it feels great -but now the real work has just begun. Thanks for the inspiration!

  • Oct 27, 2010 Elaine

    Everyone has been saying to mee for years, “Write the book!”. It’s not like I haven’t started it; I just keep throwing the “fallout” in the way so I won’t continue. how self-destructive of me. I am writing the book.

  • Oct 27, 2010 Ash

    Those silly emotions – they get in the way of everything! :)

    Genuinely, though, this is probably some of the best advice in terms of getting clear on what we want and making decisions in line with what we want–not in line with past baggage, fears, doubt, worry and all of the fun stuff that comes with being one of those….humans.

    Perhaps the most salient point here is that decisions = action, and action = learning. Whether or not you’ve succeeded, at the very least, you’ve learned, and in that sense, are one step closer.
    Ash´s last blog ..Fear- Exposed – Featuring Polly Davies My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 28, 2010 reese

    damn, Dave. I haven’t visited this site of yours in a year, and I come back to see you’ve taken over the world! ;)

    Really, though, you are so darn smart and solid in the way you motivate me. I especially LOVED this line:

    “You get to live this life exactly one time, and you don’t want to look back 10 years from now wishin you had the stones to make the tough call.”

    Beautiful written. I’m so thankful you share this with the world and that I get to be a small piece of your world :)

  • Oct 28, 2010 M.Matthews224

    Well done, Dave. Recently I made two(!) decisions…to return to school for something I’ve been interested in for quite a while now…and to take my wedding photography business live…make it my occupation rather than my hobby. Both decisions were difficult (but easy) (but difficult) and will no doubt bring some fallout in the next couple of years but I knew they needed to be made, so now I’m trying to keep my traction and not get stuck when it gets difficult for real.
    M.Matthews224´s last blog ..10.27.10 My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 30, 2010 ass kicker

    I already did it…a couple of weeks ago. I told my husband I wanted a divorce…we look like the perfect couple, but I can’t live in an emotionally abusive situation any longer. How long have I been struggling with this decision because of worry about the fall out? 20 some years. But you know, life goes on, and I’m going to be better than OK! So is he, and so are our kids. I’m doing the hard stuff and it’s going to be fine.

  • Nov 3, 2010 Larry

    My wife left me 5 months ago, and basically abandoned her son and daughter. This, after I’d spend many months working on myself, hoping and praying it would help our relationship. Since she left, I’ve found it very painful and difficult to let go…but it’s time. I’m ending this so I can move on and heal my heart. Thanks for this article, I needed to read it today.

  • Nov 3, 2010 Rob

    Huge post, just gave notice at my job last week for the same reasons, can’t believe I found this post today :) Working through the first of my last two weeks right now and getting ready to have my time back. No next job lined up, no side business ready to go, I just want OUT.

  • Nov 4, 2010 Farnoosh

    Hello Dave, first comment here but not my first time here. LOVE this post – you are reading my mind and speaking my heart. I have preached this same concept: Simple and Hard. Not complicated and Not easy. Those are the toughest decisions. For me, it’s children. I have put it off long enough – to have them or not to have them. The fact that I doubt it so much and that I am so fulfilled already with my fantastic life as it is answers my question. Thank you for clearing up a decade of frustration in one post. Now I have to tell the husband. Talk about complicated ;) !
    Farnoosh´s last blog ..Fyodor Dostoevsky- “Crime and Punishment” My ComLuv Profile

  • Nov 4, 2010 Darren

    So Dave here is my ass kicker issue. I’ve been online now for nearly 2 years. I ain’t working for the “man”. Well… that may change. The niche markets I am in seem to have taken a giant plunge with the economy and at this point I’m scraping by. The good thing is that I know what I need to do to get things back on track, but it seems harder than it was a few years ago. I also just read your abandon your rescue plan article and that about kicked me right between the legs. I know I have to get up and do what needs to be done to get ahead. Thanks for your encouraging words.
    Darren´s last blog ..What is APR and How is APR Calculated My ComLuv Profile

  • Nov 5, 2010 Wendy

    I need to sue my ex-husband for years of unpaid child support. He’s a good guy – and had some unfair and terrible things happen to him as a child, he’s worked hard just to stay OK. We get along well enough. I don’t want to cause more problems for him.

    I know what I have to do, the decision is made, but the fallout stopped me from doing what must be done. I gonna just do it. I’ll get the info. together tonight and send the “go ahead and proceed” email to my attorney tomorrow.

    Thanks!

  • Nov 7, 2010 HappinessandWisdom

    Thanks for your article. Just found you on Stumble and like your work.
    I need to let go of things at my day job and let my team handle the day-to-day. I am so driven to succeed there, even though the job is not something I will be doing in the near future. I have to accept that things might not go according to my plan and we might not be as successful. On the other hand, things might go better and we might be more successful!! Since I really don;t know, I’ll try letting go, so I have more energy to do more of what I truly love!
    HappinessandWisdom´s last blog ..Exercise- Endorphins and Happiness My ComLuv Profile

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