Do You Even Believe You Can Get Your Life Balanced?
Written by Dave Navarro on August 13, 2008
Belief drives action.
I mean it. As Naomi says, “Cue big-ass red text”:
Belief drives action.
You don’t believe, you don’t act.
It doesn’t get any simpler than that. The question is, when it really comes down to it, do you really even believe you can get your life more balanced?
- Do you believe you’ll ever get ahead of the non-stop pace of life long enough to catch your breath … or do you believe that the insanity of the week will never end?
- Do you believe you can slow down and still get things done, or do you believe you’ll always have to run yourself ragged just to make ends meet?
- Do you believe you’ll ever manage to have more time for yourself? Your family? Your “significant other?” Or do you believe that you’ll just have to take what you can get?
Belief drives action.
You don’t believe, you don’t act.
It doesn’t get any simpler than that.
So if you believe that your life is just too busy … that you’ve just got too much going on … that you don’t have the time for the people you care about … how much drive are you going to have to change your situation?
Life Doesn’t Change Itself, Bub.
You may want to get your life balanced. You may even think you have a shot at it. But if you don’t have certainty that you can start making progress, start getting ahead, then you’re simply not going to take the kind of action that moves your life toward balance. Instead, you’re going to have one hell of a stress headache every day for the rest of your life, and you’ll sit around wishing things would get better rather than making it better. I know, I’ve been there.
Facing Your Self-Doubt - And Defusing It
When you feel like you’re behind in everything, you don’t have time for yourself, and nothing seems to help … positive thinking isn’t going to cut it. You can’t say “Golly, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel!” because you know that light is a freaking train, coming to run over that schedule you had for the day. SQUISH. Positive thinking isn’t the solution.
When you’re full of stress, anxiety, and the despair of the ever-rushed, no amount of smiling is going to help you defeat that feeling of helplessness and doubt that comes when you realize you’re trading the good things in life for “stuff” - or trading those hours to work, just to get by. You think of getting ahead, then you stress because you doubt you can do it, then you start thinking of something else, fast.
What will help, though, is facing that doubt instead of wishing it wasn’t there. Of staring it straight in the eye and coming to terms with it. Sure, you may feel like you can’t get ahead … that it’s too late to catch up on missed opportunities … that there’s just too much to do to get everything balanced. Admit it. Own it. But then take the next step: defuse it by getting the last word in. Four words, specifically:
“But I can do SOMETHING.”
Sure, you can’t get your life balanced overnight. Maybe not even in a year. Maybe there are missed opportunities that won’t come again. But here’s the deal - if you take a little action - the tiniest damn thing - every day, you’ll start making progress. Maybe you can spend 15 minutes every Wednesday reading to your kid if you don’t do it at all. Maybe you can fit in a 5 minute walk each day if you sit on your ass too much (self, I’m talkin’ to you!). Maybe you can write, or read, or study whatever over one lunch break per week.
The point is, you can do SOMETHING. And SOMETHING is power. The power to turn the tide. Self-doubt comes from feeling helpless to “make it all better.” But you can make something better this week, and that makes you more powerful. You can make your life 1/10th of a percent more balanced this week, even if everything is going to hell. You can do something. You can’t argue with that.
And if you can do something, then you can crank it up a notch later. The important thing is that you’re not stagnating, or sliding backwards. You’re breaking the cycle. Eventually you will have that breakthrough that lets you get more balanced.
But it all comes down to believing that those small, insignificant actions aren’t insignificant at all. They add a heaping helping of better to your life right now. Maybe not “enough,” but more than you had before.
Don’t let self-doubt have the last word. You’re an adult, you have the last word. Even if you feel with every fiber of your being that you’re trapped in a cycle of endless suck, you can do something to make it suck one fraction less. You’re not helpless.
Every time you feel helpless to get everything balanced, tell yourself “But I can do SOMETHING.”
Belief drives action.
You don’t believe, you don’t act.
It doesn’t get any simpler than that.
PS - one great action to take right now would be to subscribe to this blog. Or if you’ve already done that, join the Rock Your Day newsletter. It’s fat free and chock full of awesome.
Thanks for this post! Doing something is better than complaining of all the things which should be done and doing nothing. I’ll have a go today and will do something.
I agree that it’s important to align your beliefs and your actions. If you don’t believe and do act, it will be halfhearted action that will fail on the first sign of trouble.
When you align them, they empower eachother. But the key still is to act. Simply believing is not enough
Lodewijk’s last blog post..Review week 32-2008; Goals, blog and productivity habits
Kick. Ass.
So you know what you want to do, where you want to go. Believe that you will get there.
And do something about it. Do anything that moves you just a bit closer.
You’ll figure it out as you go along. Guys like Bill Gates or Steve Jobs or Richard Branson didn’t know all the answers, but they did something, and figured it out as they went along.
(As Richard Branson says, “Screw it, let’s do it!”)
-Brett
Brett Legree’s last blog post..viking fridays - the worst sickness.
When most people feel behind they just keep doing the same wrong things as before, only now with more intensity. Doesn’t work. As the old saying goes, if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you keep getting what you’ve always got. This is why hiring somebody like Dave is a great idea, because another person can see the things about yourself that you can’t.
Personally, I don’t care about life balance. I think it’s a red herring. What I know is there’s things I have to do to reach some goals, and when that happens new opportunities will open up to me–including more time to spend on those things that people call “life”.
Michael,
What you say is very important - if what you’re doing isn’t working, do something else - do anything else.
And don’t be afraid to ask a complete stranger for honest advice.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..viking fridays - the worst sickness.
@Ulla -
Glad to see you taking action - have at it!
@Lode -
“Simply believing is not enough.” Absolutely. Belief itself is not a magical feel good answer, but it’s important to understand how the *wrong* beliefs can paralyze you from taking action.
@Brett -
Best. Book title. Ever.
@Michael -
Getting anyone’s objective view on your life is a great way to start snapping out of any emotional ruts you find yourself in. Keep rockin’.
Thanks for the plug.
@Dave,
I agree - I’m waiting for it to come in at my local library (I suggested they order it).
Brett Legree’s last blog post..viking fridays - the worst sickness.
Standing up and cheering! Awesome, rocking, get off your butt and change your life post! I had to face that reality in my own life - doing the same thing over and over and expecting results IS INSANE! I have a post it note on my computer to remind me to stay focused by reframing questions from I can’t, It wont, blah blah to How Can I.., What Can I…I may not have all the pieces but I have the power to do SOMETHING today. Thank you so much for adding kindling to the fire!
I completely agree - action is a necessity. I heard Jack Welch speak last year and he suggested that there is no such thing as life balance, it’s about life choices. We all make choices and at the end of the day we have to be ok with them, if not, it’s time to make new choices. That made a lot of sense to me. That said, I believe having the ability to remain flexible is also the key to feeling balanced. Things change and expectations are often unmet, how we manage that has a lot to do with feeling balanced.
Stacey’s last blog post..Maybe You’re Just Lazy
Believes certainly do drive action, but what drives beliefs?
Thoughts drive beliefs, without that internal chatter there are no beliefs. That is where positive thinking can help by undermining a negative disempowering belief system.
I’m not disagreeing with what you’re saying in fact I agree with it, but negative self-limiting beliefs are a symptom and not the cause of faulty thinking.
You don’t have to look like Polyanna on ecstasy and live in complete denial to benefit from looking on the bright side of things. The start point is subtle changes of thinking and moving those beliefs into doubt and then from there into disbeliefs.
Just my 2 cents.
@Karen -
Post-it notes rule.
Glad you liked.
@Stacey -
“there is no such thing as life balance, it’s about life choices. ”
Glad you brought that up. The point to balance is not to be UNbalanced - not to let work (or whatever else) dominate your life to the point of hosing the other things you want to have as well. And that all comes down to those choices. Balance = “Enough of what you want” - and I believe that’s attainable.
Jack says it ain’t? I agree, if you’re going to be a huge CEO you will absolutely sacrifice balance to the company. No way around that. But not the way I want to live.
Still, it’s a good quote, and it has the intended effect of making you think. Thanks for sharing it
@Tim -
Good to see you here! I covered *exactly* what you’re talking about in my Procrastination seminar a few weeks ago. Thoughts drive beliefs/feelings, which drive action.
The point I’m making about “positive thinking” is that many people associate it with “bullshitting yourself” (as in “Everything’s shiny and happy! Success will come to me like a magnet!”). The fake-it-till-you-make-it mindset applied to your own mind. The positive thinking you’re talking about sounds more like “realistic thinking” - in that you use “positive” facts to undermine a negative false belief.
The reason I dig against “positive thinking” is because (as a coach) I’ve seen people get discouraged because they can’t force themselves into a better emotional state just by thinking good thoughts. But “good” thoughts that you know on some level are BS don’t help … only focusing on facts that will undermine the negative beliefs - the bright side that you’re talking about - make the difference. You’ve nailed it with what you’re saying, taking this post to the next logical step.
Hmm … I smell a follow up post brewing here …
About emotional states: you can’t fight fire with fire. The best antidote I’ve ever seen for feeling down is ACTION. Physical action will counter an undesirable emotional state faster than anything.
@ Dave - Gotcha! I know what you mean in terms of having had a few clients come to me and say something like this: “My life’s crap and it’s all my fault because I’ve seen The Secret” That’s never helpful!
I do think the fake it till you make it can help with actions and thoughts for some people, but we’re all wired slightly differently and some people can’t get to grips with it at all and I accept that.
Get that follow up written!
Tim Brownson’s last blog post..The Discomfort Zone
@ Michael - you can’t have an action without a thought to proceed it, that’s my point really. Sometimes we think so quickly it seems like we just act, but we don’t.
Tim Brownson’s last blog post..The Discomfort Zone
I like this post a lot. I think so many folks get caught up in “I suck at this and that’s never going to change, so what’s the use.” Sometimes they look for magic pill after magic pill that’s going to miraculously get them off their ass, or sometimes they just disappear into TV and cheetos. Either way is tragic.
Knowing you actually can get off your ass, that you were not doomed at birth by the loser fairy, is a necessary prerequisite to actually doing it.
Sonia Simone’s last blog post..Happy Birthday To Me
@Michael -
That is one of the single best tips I learned years ago - “emotion can be driven by motion.” Getting up, taking action can snap you out of a funk fast.
@Tim -
“The Secret” is AWFUL. Clay Collins says it best here.
@Sonia -
“The loser fairy” - I about spit out my rum and coke just reading that …
[…] get further ahead in preparing for my site. As Dave Navarro said in his latest excellent post: ” “You don’t believe, you don’t act.” Lack of confidence can be […]
Wow, Dave - you don’t hold back on your opinions, do you? heeheehee
@Tim
You ask what powers belief. My answer is choice. Everything we do is a choice - every attitude we adopt is a choice. We choose to believe (or not) and then choose to act (or not). We then see the consequences and make more choices.
Life gets messy when we allow those choices to happen unconsciously or allow others to make those choices for us.
@Dave
Thanks for the Clay Collins link - I agree completely - I think it’s all be done before but just has a new name… http://somedaysyndrome.com/journey/?p=397
Alex Fayle’s last blog post..Introducing the Lab-Rats
Brilliant and timely for me. Thanks for the encouragement and good post!
mercurial scribe’s last blog post..A Hard Truth
[…] not the end-of-the-world that we make them out to be. In reality, we can get off our asses and do one little thing today to turn the tide. In reality, we may feel like absolute crap and have no motivation, but […]
@ Alex - I agree in the main, but what powers choice? The language we use internally would be my answer to that
The fact is that a lot of people make decisions as such speed and at such an unconscious level that it seems autonomic and they genuinely feel like they have no choice and no options. If at that stage we just tell them they have, it rarely helps. It can with some people, but with others it just makes them retreat even further.
If we can work on the language we can work on offering up more choice.
Tim Brownson’s last blog post..The Discomfort Zone
@Tim - I agree that mastering the internal dialogue and the language we use to “talk” to ourselves is of vital importance. They are the tools that we use to create the gap that enables us to choose.
Stephen Covey talks about this in his book. Humans are able to break the direct relationship between stimulus and response. That direct relationship is what you describe in your comment: …make decisions as such speed and at such an unconscious level that it seems autonomic…
We can create that gap because we have Self Awareness, Independent Will, Creative Imagination and Conscience. The gap enables us to come up with a variety of responses and choose the one that ’s the best for us. And the language we use in that gap determines for a great deal what the variety of choices we can come up with.
Lodewijk’s last blog post..Productivity Secrets
[…] you don’t believe that you can find balance in your life, then you won’t. I’m contemplating this even as I type . . […]
I believe that I have gotten things into somewhat of a balance before, however that balance is quickly lost and I don’t understand why. I think maybe the belief was there but not the action! Guess I have something to work towards as I try again!
I won’t give up!
Jenny’s last blog post..Say What You Need To