But if you haven’t been able to change that bad habit into a good one, I’ll bet that there’s another force at work:

Painful Truth #3: If you try to change a habit in a vacuum, you’re screwed.

What a lot of people do when they want to break a habit is they decide something like “I’m going to stop doing X:”

• “I’m going to stop drinking caffeine.”
• “I’m going to stop smoking.”
• “I’m going to stop wasting money.”

These are all great ideas for habit change, but the problem comes when it’s time to face the reality that stopping something can be pretty damned difficult.  Everything’s fine for a few days, but then the cravings to slip back into the old patterns of behavior begin – or worse yet, a new, similarly destructive pattern rises up to replace it.

Sure, you may stop smoking, but you turn to eating more to compensate and pack on the pounds (or if you’re like me, you cut out the soda and coffee and then experience massive sweets cravings).

Or maybe you just binge after a while – you try not to waste money for a few weeks, and then make a bunch of really stupid, pointless purchases to compensate.  We’ve all done it.

Sometimes it seems like the mental energy you put into resisting that bad habit builds up until it can’t be contained anymore, and then you find yourself feeling like a fool for having backtracked on your journey to a better life.

And there’s a reason for that: it’s true.

I’m not calling you a fool, but you may be doing something fool-ish …

Here’s the problem: if you just try to stop doing something, it becomes a battle of wills between your own deeply established patterns of behavior and this new idea that you’re going to stop it.  Nine out of ten times, the wimpy newcomer idea is going to get trounced because its strategy is foolish.

Trying to “stop” a pattern by sheer willpower is not a strategy. But gradually conditioning a new, enjoyable behavior is – and it works.

The problem most people have with habit change is they want to stop doing something that gives them a comforting, familiar payoff and they don’t know what to replace it with.  There’s this big vacuum of “what do I do instead?” and the answer is usually “I dunno” or it’s something that’s less than enjoyable.

You want to stop eating junk food and you don’t know what else to eat, so you backslide.  Or you tell yourself you’ll eat bran and broccoli instead, and you backslide.  And you feel foolish (because your approach is foolish).

What you need to do here is replace the bad habit you have now with a more enjoyable alternative – something that has a payoff that makes you actually feel good.  That’s how you build up a new pattern of behavior that serves you.

Essentially, you focus on the new payoff – not the pain of habit change – and it becomes easier.

Every time I quit caffeine (because all too often I got stupid and relapsed), I knew I was a total soda hound and I knew I’d think water was plain and boring.  Recipe for failure.  I was conditioned to that sweet, carbonated experience first thing in the morning.

So each time I quit, I’d stock up on naturally flavored seltzer water to drink instead of soda.  It took a while to get used to the taste (it stings!) but it satisfied the carbonation and cold-sweet-liquid craving.  Once I got used to that, drinking “plain old water” didn’t seem as boring.  Now I drink plenty of plain water, and mix it up with the seltzer when I feel a sweet craving.

It’s not always easy, but it’s a new, established pattern that gets stronger every day.  Gradually I’ll phase out the seltzer water, but for now it keeps me on track.

Another thing I did when I first quit was take a short walk when I felt a craving coming on. I knew I wanted a soda because I was having an energy crash, so I started taking a quick stroll outside the building through a wooded area in the back for just 5 minutes.  I knew that would give me an energy boost and it was enjoyable, so it helped a lot.

The important thing here is you can’t just stop a pattern – you have to replace it with a new pattern, and it has to be something with a payoff you want to experience.  Sometimes the new pattern is physical, like seltzer water or a walk in the woods.

Sometimes the new pattern is mental, like having a script you say to yourself in your head to talk yourself into better behavior (see How To Train Yourself To Be In The Mood You Want).

Te key here is you have to have an alternative.  Don’t fight the pattern.  Fight to create a new one.

Now Here’s The Part Where I Tell You To Do Stuff

Here’s what I want you to do right now while this is all fresh on your mind:

1. Think of one habit change that’s been using the useless “stop” pattern and decide you’re going to create an enjoyable alternative.
2. Take 5 minutes right now and brainstorm that alternative pattern.
3. Leave a comment and tell us about what you’ve come up with. Leaving a comment will make you accountable for creating an alternative and the process will be a relief.  If you don’t want to put your real name, just put “Ass Kicker” in the name field.
4. Click the Twitter link below and spread the word about this article.

Have at it.

Empower yourself.

That is all,

Dave

This is natural.  Costly, crushing mistakes are emotional poison to us, and we instinctively want to do anything possible to stop thinking about it.

What You Should Do Immediately, While The Wound Is Still Fresh

Once the mistake is made, do what comes naturally.  Yell.  Stomp your feet.  Kick your chair if you have to – do whatever it takes to push that first bit of tension away (as long as it’s not truly destructive of course).

But make it finite.

Tell yourself you’ll let yourself be pissed as hell for exactly sixty seconds, then you will have to rein it in for a while.  Count the sixty if you have to, or just look at the clock.  (It doesn’t have to be sixty – just make it short, and don’t guilt-trip yourself for feeling sad, or angry, or whatever.  Just meet the feeling, acknowledge it, and vent a little to take the edge off.)

Then work on the antidote, now – in writing.

No, you can’t fix a crushing mistake immediately.  But what you can do is learn the lesson, right now, and turn it into something positive for the future.  If you’ve totally fucked something up, write down why you did it, what you need to do differently next time, and how you can make yourself do it differently next time.

Yeah, that last part is the hard one.  Maybe you don’t know how.  But you can come up with something.  Something as a start.  And starting is the important thing.  Because if you can keep “how to maybe stop doing this” in your radar, rather than avoiding the feeling, maybe things will start changing.

Take that paper you’ve written on, and take it out once a day and look at it.  Do it the same time each day so you don’t forget it (At breakfast?  After lunch?  While brushing your teeth?) and don’t pretend the problem isn’t there.

Acknowledge it.  It’s poisoning your life.

Use that paper as the antidote. Rewrite it if necessary, as often as necessary.  But keep it on your daily radar so you can work on it.

Quit hiding from the problem, and maybe it’ll stop popping out and surprising you so often.

Quick fix?  No.  But it’s a start.

Just sayin’.

Dave

It’s a cycle.  Spend money on those motivational tapes and seminars now. Spend money on antacid later when you’re not getting the results you want.  Blame yourself for sucking.  Spend even more money on booze, drugs, and mindless entertainment to take your mind off of your failure to achieve everything now (or, for the more sophisticated, buy the technological gadgets which will finally help you get more organized).  Lather, rinse, repeat.

It’s a cycle.  It’s a game.  And the house always wins, and though you may be a high roller today, you will always lose in the long run.

Goal addiction is great for the economy – but not so great for you.  And you’re in deeper than you think.

“I Can Stop Anytime I Want To” And Other Bullshit You Say To Yourself

How do you know if you’re a goal addict?  It’s just like other addictions – there’s a pattern of destructive behavior and stuff you rationalize to yourself.  Here are a few warning signs:

• Your default answer is “yes” when presented with a new commitment to sign up for – because you just know you can do it.
• You’re falling behind in the things that matter (your physical health, your emotional health, and your family, for example), but you’re still cranking on things that have temporary value at best.
• A significant amount of your daily stress comes from being behind on things
• You think technology is going to solve your time management problems.
• You are working your ass off, but not moving much farther ahead on your many goals.
• You don’t actually have clear “finish lines” for your goals, so any success never feels like enough
• You think of “juggling” your goals rather than focusing on them.

These are just a few of the signs of goal addiction, and if you’re seeing them in yourself, you need to seriously take notice.

Because if you don’t, a bunch of bad things will happen.

• By trying to do more and more, you’ll also accomplish less and less.
• By trying to please everyone, you’ll please no one.
• Your stress level will continue to spiral upward.
• Your life satisfaction will start to spiral downward.
• Ten years will pass, and you’ll be really disappointed with where you are.

Goal addiction is a life killer – and it’s a sneaky one at that, because the goal addicted lifestyle sounds so attractive when it’s glamorized by …

The Cult Of Productivity

I’m not going to describe the ins and outs of the productivity-industrial complex today, but chances are you have been wooed by them for a while now.  They’re the ones pushing the latest productivity gadgets or web apps or life hacks under the guise of “things that make your life easier.”

But all of these edgy solutions almost never, never designed to make your life easier.  They are designed to sell products.  They are designed to push trendy web services. They are designed to make catchy, “blog candy” top ten posts.  They are designed to get you focused on something other than doing work on your goals, because “something other” is sexy and “work” is not.

Because “doing a million things” is impressive.  “Doing less” smacks of weakness.

Because “optimizing” sounds intellectual.  “Simplifying” sounds like you’re copping out.

If you’re not “too busy” these days, you must be doing something wrong - and while that’s bullshit, that’s still the way our culture sees things.

And the worst part of it is, you can be working for the productivity-industrial complex and not even know it - even your best intentioned work may be destined to help people run faster on their treadmill rather than helping them get off the damned treadmill that’s exhausting them in the first place.

God knows I’ve contributed my fair share.  But I’m slightly older and slightly wiser now.

And I’m ringing this bell to get you to ask yourself the question too – Are you so addicted to achieving as much as you can that you sacrifice hitting home runs in the areas that really matter?

Chew on that.

It’s ok to say “Oh shit, why am I doing this with my life?” No one will think you’re weak.

Ok, that’s a lie.  Many people will think you’re weak, that you can’t hack it in this fast moving society.

But just ignore them.  They’ll go back to their tools, their stress and their antacids, and wonder why you look a little happier than you did before.

That’s all for today.  Chew on what I’ve said so far.  Ask yourself if you’re living the goal addicted lifestyle, and if that’s really where you want to be.

It wasn’t easy for me to admit goal addiction to myself, or my role in the productivity-industrial complex, but I had to face up to it.

Still working through it.  Making some progress, one day at a time.

Maybe we’ll throw together an AA meeting for the goal addicted.  Holla back in the comments if you want in. :-p

Till next time,

Dave

(This is the part where the typical productivity blog would tell you not to worry, for there’s seven easy steps to keep everything in check and get all those cats herded.  But I gotta say it ain’t so.  Sometimes there’s a stampede.)

Life Is Either A Balancing Act Or A Disaster Area

When you’re faced with a nice, wide open chunk of time – like a week’s vacation, or “every Saturday for a year” -  you have plenty of latitude to decide how you’re going to get everything balanced.  But life doesn’t always hand those opportunities to you.  More often than not, you’ve got a tight schedule and a seemingly unmanageable set of tasks.

Time is in short supply, and you’re just going to have to do the best with what you have.  And that means dealing with a very uncomfortable truth:

You’re Gonna Have To Let Some Of Your Goals Go.

Yeah.  Tough words.  I never said you’d like them.  But you may be at the point in your life where you have to face this.

Perhaps the reason you’re so overwhelmingly busy is because you’re treating too many goals like must-haves, when in reality they are just things you want.

And there’s nothing wrong with “things you want.”  Wanting is good.  Taking action to get what you want is even better.

But wanting it all is a sure path to insanity.

You Can Do Anything – Just Not Everything.

As much as productivity gurus would like to sell you on the “You can have it all” mindset, it’s just not realistic.  You’d need a dozen clones and a dozen lifetimes to scratch the surface of what you want.

So maybe you want too much.  Not in a “you’re greedy” way, but in a “why did they put pictures on the menu oh crap everything looks equally good I’m hungry for it all” way.  But here’s the thing – you can only put so much food on your plate in one sitting.  Too much and you’ll get full before you get a bite of everything.

And you can only stack so many goals on yourself before all you can do is take one bite out each one.

That sucks, but it’s life.

And if you’re so busy you can’t see straight … maybe you’re just too busy by design.  Maybe life is exploding at you because you’ve over committed.

And the painful truth is that the way out of that isn’t to become “more productive.”  It isn’t to chase after 100 goals that look equally good.

It’s realizing that all your goals aren’t equally good.

Some are critically good, like spending good time with your kids.  Some are damned important, like building up a savings account to protect yourself against the economy (or to just get yourself the hell out of a career you’re not thrilled with).  And some are important, like chasing this opportunity or this project or whatever.

The challenge comes when we forget that a lot of the things we think are critical … aren’t.

In truth, you could let a lot of important stuff go, a lot of important goals fade, and you’d be happier because you’re nailing more of the “critically good” ones.

Not easy to deal with.  Read The Power Of Less, by Leo Babuta.  It’s helping me.  It’ll help you, too.

Think about it this way – what goals, if you missed them, would make you feel like crap on your deathbed?

Chances are those aren’t what are causing you the majority of your stress right now.

I’m not telling you you need to do anything right now, except listen to yourself.  Listen to the rhythm of your day.  Ask yourself if this is what you really want.  Get honest.

And that’s how you start getting “balanced.”  By realizing that the reason things seem to be exploding, is because some things shouldn’t be on your list of goals in the first place.

More later.  This is a lot to think on now.

Dave

Meanwhile, part 5 is live and on the scene, and we’re going to talk about how you avoid taking action when you don’t value your time enough to get mad when you’re wasting it.

The truth is, even though you might blame time pressures, money pressures or emotional pressures for why you’re running behind, the truth is that you are likely the bottleneck that’s limiting how fast you move towards what you say is important in life.

I’m not trying to depress you.  I’m slapping you in the face so you can wake up and do something about it

Life’s Cruel Irony: You’re Making Yourself Waiting In Line

Listen, I know what you hate.  You hate always being in the left lane and having that idiot do 5 miles under the speed limit.  You hate waiting in line while the slowest cashier in history takes care of that genius who waits for the total before deciding it’s time to fish out his checkbook (”Oh yeah, I guess I need to pay for this stuff, don’t I?”).  You hate waiting for videos to load, on flights to land, on the operator (who should be “standing by”) to get to your call.

You hate waiting in line.  Your time is valuable.

And yet you do this to yourself constantly.

You have things you want to do, “when you get the time.”  Spending time with the kids.  Writing that book.  Taking a long, hot bath.  Getting in shape.  Going on a vacation.  Getting that room painted.  Developing a side business that will let you quit your 9-to-5 hassle.

Yet you don’t do it. Because your favorite show is on.  Because you want to sleep in.  Because you want to surf the web some more.  Because you want to continue the meaningless small talk in the office.  Because the video game console is calling.

Because basically, your goals want to become realities, and you’re telling them to wait in line. For stuff that doesn’t matter in the long run.  And I’m not saying that entertainment is bad – you can be sure when the new Terminator movie comes out, everything will have to wait in line for a few hours in my life – but for a lot of us, this is a non-stop line where the trivial things keep the good stuff from getting done.

And you should be just as mad about the good stuff waiting in line as you are about the times you wait in line.

Breaking The Cycle – Here’s What You Need To Do, Right Now

There’s only one way to really get past this goal-killing brutality, and that’s to go against every bit of manners they taught you in grade school and tell yourself it’s okay to “cut in line.”  When you feel like watching TV, stop for a moment and imagine that long bath – the thing that will relax you a whole lot more than vapid mass-media storytelling – and say, “Hey, you can cut in line.”  And then do it.

When you want to play video games, look at that room you want to paint waiting patiently back there, think about how good you’ll feel to have it done, and then say “Hey, you can cut in line.”  And then do it.

Don’t stress about willpower and prioritizing and becoming stronger – just be a little mischievous and say, “Psst, that other thing?  Let it wait a while.  You’re getting taken care of first.”  Looking at it from that perspective helps to take the edge off.

Learn to hate letting your goals stay stuck, waiting in line.  Your time is valuable.

And leave me a quick comment to let me know what you’re going to let “cut in line” right now – then go take care of it.

Keep rocking -

Dave

Today we’re going to talk about something rather counter intuitive to being a survivor: using purposeful vulnerability as a means to cope and become stronger.

Survivors Don’t Bottle Things Up If They Want To Live

When people think of strength and grace under pressure, the image of the “strong, silent type” comes to mind.  You know, the idea that really tough people can simply compartmentalize their lives and not let anything bother them, and that equates to being strong.

But that’s just not how it works.  Bottling up your feelings and telling yourself you’ll just manage through them is a sure way to harden your heart and become less sensitive to the things that will give you a healthy ability to actually enjoy your life.  I know, I spent a decade doing exactly that.  I pretended that huge problems didn’t exist and that I could just “man up” and move on.

And I did move on … I just didn’t enjoy it.  I became more closed in and unable to really connect with people.  I finally had to go to counseling in college just to start unloading my stuff (because I was too afraid to be vulnerable in front of people I actually knew).  Fortunately, the counselor was a good one, and helped me unpack some of the baggage I was carrying so I could move on.

Looking back, I wish I’d kept up with the counseling because I could have avoided a batch of rough spots I hit in the future.

Vulnerability Helps You Unpack Your Baggage

The power of being vulnerable in front of of someone else you can trust comes from being open to the possibility that you can deal with your situation in a healthy way rather than just stewing in it.  When you can open up to someone, you stop hiding behind “it’s okay” and “I’ll deal with it” and you really lay everything out in the open.  And once everything’s out in the open, the whole power dynamic changes.

First off, you get a sense of relief from finally getting the words out of your head and out in front of someone.  You don’t feel like you’re hiding your pain or pretending it doesn’t exist and though you may still feel helpless to deal with it, at least it’s uncoiling from your mind a little bit.  This relief in itself can be palpable and liberating.

But more than that, when you really explain your pain to someone else, you get a more objective view of it.  As the words come out of your mouth they have to be challenged by your “reality filter” (that part of you that realizes things don’t make as much sense when you actually say them out loud), and you realize that you’ve been giving certain things too much power.

As in you’ve been thinking something is hopeless when in reality, you know there’s hope.  Or you think something is “impossible” when in reality, it’s just difficult, inconvenient and uncomfortable.  Or when you think you have no choices when the truth of the matter is that you have plenty of them.  It’s astounding how many problems we think are unbearable sound different simply by verbalizing them to another person.

And then dealing with them becomes something possible (I didn’t say easy, though) rather than impossible.  And that feels good.

Vulnerability Gives You New Allies

The greater power of vulnerability is that you gain allies, people who can look at your issues from an objective standpoint and offer you meaningful advice and support.  If you can find people like this in your everyday life, it’s incredibly powerful to develop a meaningful relationship with them and to quit pretending “everything’s okay.”  Pretending doesn’t make you a survivor, it makes you a stony husk of a person.  And that doesn’t feel good at all.

But what if you don’t have anyone at all you can talk to?  Then you were born at the right time, my friend, because the Internet is looking out for you.  Regardless of what your issues is, it’s highly likely that there are at least a few online communities focused on gathering survivors together and supporting them.  All you have to do is type your problem and the word “forum” or “group” or “discussion board” after it, and you’ll find a group of people you can be vulnerable to.

Does the thought of that scare the hell out of you?  Then just create an anonymous online profile at these groups and nobody ever has to know who you are.  Bare your (safely anonymous) soul and get the things out that have been weighing you down all these years.  And ignore the random “haters” who will leave mean messages as a reply – they will be far outnumbered by good people who want to help you.  Thanks to the internet, there’s no reason at all you can’t get the targeted, personal help you need.  I only wish this had been around sooner.

Share Your Allies (Please)

I know a lot of readers may be interested in the anonymous option, so if you know of a resource, forum, discussion group, or whatever that can help people, please leave a comment about it so others can find what they need more easily.

And if you just need to get it out, you can do that in the comments, too.  Just leave a fake name and email address in the comment section and say that thing that’s been “unsayable” in your own heart.  There’s no strength in pretending the problem isn’t there – or isn’t solvable.  Get it out.  This is your invitation.  Get some relief today.

(looks at watch) Looks like I’m out of time for today.  Next post in this series will continue with another aspect of the survivor mindset.  I hope you’ll join me by subscribing to this blog and better yet, linking to or Stumbling this post.

See you next post,

Dave

I’d like to make 2009 the year I send well over $1,000 their way, so I’m going to throw an idea your way.

Four Days of Soul-Nourishing Goodness For You = $44 for Heifer

First off, I would never under my own steam utter the words “soul-nourishing” on my blog.  that’s just a little too touchy-feely for this Brooklyn born Italian.  But my client Jennifer Louden would, so I’m using it here today.  Jen’s a sought-after speaker, best-selling author of six books, Oprah guest, and the force behind a “Virtual Retreat” that’s going on this weekend (with 9 other soul-nourishing speakers, best-selling authors and Oprah guests.  Enough with the Oprah now).

Long story short, I’m her launch coach (and I’m proud to say we’ve had hundreds of people registering for this 4-day online event so far, and many more coming today).  I’m going to throw an affiliate link at you in a minute, and if you’re even in the least inclined to hear inspirational sessions with titles like these:

• Emergency Calming Techniques and Dissolving Procrastiantion (with Havi Brooks)
• How To Create Your Life Purpose (Laura Berman Fortgang)
• Re-energizing Your Career and Getting Into Action (Barbara Sher)
• Overcoming Emotional Eating (Geneen Roth)
• Conquering Fear, Gaining Peace (Susan Piver)
• Emotional Freedom (Judith Orloff)
• Doing Great Work And Making Lasting Impact (Michael Bungay Stanier)
• The Comfort Of Your Innate Wellbeing (Michael Neill)
• Overcoming Money Fears (Steve Chandler)

then click the link for all the details.  If you click this link, and you register, 100% of my affiliate commission will go to Heifer International.  I won’t keep any of it.  You’ll get that “soul-nourishing” stuff you want, and communities around the world will actually have food this month (and every month thereafter, since this stuff is sustainable).

Click and check it out. You’ll be glad you did.

Dave

When I look back at any successful habit change I’ve worked through in my life, I can see a pattern in them – more often than not, they were based around events I wanted to experience rather than willpower, deadlines, or paper goals.  In other words, what kept me focused and motivated on following through wasn’t what I wanted in an analytical sense, but instead more of a desire to feel a certain way at a certain time.

Events that carry powerful emotion tend to move us to action much more strongly than when we try to act through logic or willpower, though usually it’s in a negative direction (the fear and uncertainty that cause us to procrastinate or stress out).  But when it’s in a positive direction, our desire to feel a certain way (or to be part of something) is absolutely primal in how it drives us.

We see it all the time:

• In the person who has no willpower when it comes to eating, yet suddenly takes total control so she can fit into that bridesmaid’s dress for her best friend’s wedding.

• In the person who procrastinates forever on a major life goal, yet hops on board with a freakish intensity to beat the deadline of the big 4-0.

• In the person who finds the drive to work extra hours or start her own business so she can take the kids to Disney World this summer or make this the best holiday ever.

It’s Not About A Goal – It’s About A Feeling

What all these examples have in common is that they center around an event - some specific feeling at some specific time – which you want with an intensity you can feel down to your bone.  You believe that being in a certain state of mind/body/finances at that time and date will give you a rush which will be so worth it that it’s easy to take action no matter how hard it might seem to be.

In fact, the difficulty is an afterthought – because you’re not going to let anything get in the way of you experiencing the rush of that event.

• How good you’ll feel zipping up those clothes you couldn’t fit in 6 months ago.

• How satisfied you’ll feel closing the cover of that book you’ve been meaning to write for a decade.

• How powerful you’ll feel picking up gifts for the kids, and not even being concerned at what number rings up on the register.

We want experiences.  We want feelings.  We want to live in the rush of that moment.  And that drives us more than a carefully worded goal ever would.

How To Apply This Right Now To Change Your Life

Think of some change you’re making in your life.  Now tack an experience onto it. You want to lose weight?  Pick a certain pair of pants you want to fit in by Christmas.  Focus on how good that’s going to feel, immerse yourself in the feeling, and see yourself enjoying that moment so much that you’ll be damned if anything gets in your way.

This may sound simplistic, but it drives your decisions every day of your life. Every time you “just can’t wait” for something. Every time you enjoy goofing off rather than working.  Every time you choose the chocolate instead of the carrots (note to self: you bought the carrots, now eat them before they go bad again).  You do this all the time in negative ways, when we give in to the desire to experience an event that give us momentary pleasure or relief from conflict.

But you want more out of your life, or you wouldn’t have been reading this far.

Take control of the events you focus on rather than letting your focus fall to your mind’s self-defense mechanisms (the ones that keep you trapped in weak behavior that doesn’t serve you).  Pick one thing – just one thing – and focus on it for a week. Think of where you want to be one week from now, some event that will feel good – whether it’s stepping on a scale, depositing a check, or seeing someone special smile – and focus on experiencing that.

When you’re not willing to sacrifice the big experience you want, you’ll be much more inclined to make the small sacrifices that will get you there.

Three Other Events That Can Help You Change Where You Are In Life

Ok, this is a straight shift into “business mode” – if you don’t run your own business (or you’re not considering making extra money), you can skip to the comments or Stumble this page or whatever.   But if you’re entrepreneurially inclined, there are three things you need to pay attention to today.

• #1, Naomi Dunford (my personal business coach) is releasing the premium version of Online Business School at 3pm Eastern today.  There’s some free stuff here that you can enjoy in the meantime.

• #2, If you have any inclination to pick up the premium version of Online Business School, you will want to return to this blog 1/2 hour before launch because I’ve got a special pre-launch question-and-answer session with her and I’ll be giving away my $147 time management program 30 Hours A Day for free to anyone who buys via the link on that page.  1:30 EST. (It’s been delayed … subscribe to my newsletter to get notified when it’s live) Drop back by, and look in the sidebar for the big honking link.

• #3, If you didn’t catch it via my email list, you need to check out Jeff Walker’s Product Launch Formula videos (all free) because the stuff in there will help you get a hell of a lot more out of Online Business School (whether you listen to the free or premium version of OBS).  Product Launch Formula is pretty pricey, so I don’t expect you to buy the full version – but just watching the videos can help you make more money, period. Start watching them here.

So that’s it.  Check out Online Business School now, come back here at 1:30pm EST (in a bit) and check out Jeff Walker’s videos as well.  Do all that and you’ll be setting yourself up for an exciting event in the future – one where you have more control over what you do with your life than ever.

The reason for this is simple – if you can put off a habit change / life change until a new year rolls around, that’s a sign that you just don’t have much motivation to make it happen.  You may wish it would happen, but you don’t really want to do the work to get it (and that’s why you’ve been putting it off).  You may have a whole new year ahead of you, but you’ve still got all the old desires that will keep you trapped in the place you’re at now.

Wake-up calls, however, are a different matter.

Hitting You Where It Hurts:  The Powerful Punch Of A Wake-Up Call

What drives change in a person?  Someone once said the two driving forces are inspiration – or desperation.  Guess which one is more powerful?  Desperation.  It’s what drives you to bad habits, to escape activities, to addictions.  You’re desperate to avoid fear, or hard work, or conflict, so you drive yourself away from those things (and miss out on a lot of growth in the process).

But desperation can also push you forward.  When you realize that your kids are almost grown up and you’ve never told them how much you love them, or that your job is about to disappear and you have no fallback plan, or that you only have a year to live – that’s a wake-up call.  Something happens, or something clicks, and suddenly you’re aware of how much you’re about to lose … and you get a massive burst of motivation to make radical changes in your life.

When a true-wake up call hits, you seem to have access to levels of willpower, tenacity, and full-out energy that you never knew you had in you.  You change your life faster than you ever thought possible, and it doesn’t seem as hard as you thought it would be because you’re fully committed – desperate not to lose out on the little time you have left.

Chasing The Wake-Up Call:  Your Fastest Path To Power

As I said last week, this blog is changing direction – or maybe just changing intensity – and the focus will be on living a life that matters.  Living a life where you have no more regrets, where you push past your fears and the lies you tell to yourself and you finally stop settling for less, and start changing your life. I’m going to be laying wake-up call after wake-up call on you until you feel all the drive you need welling up inside so you can finally take massive action to design the life you want.

I don’t want you to wait until some random wake-up call years down the road inspires you to do the things you’ve wished you would.  I want you to get hit with it as soon as possible.

And while I work on that, I’m going to toss this wake-up call at you, direct from one of my closest blogging friends Naomi Dunford of Ittybiz.  She’s repeatedly kicked my ass so that I could past some of my personal roadblocks and get the most out of 2008 and I think her latest message will do the same for you.  You can read Why We’re Broke (And How To Fix It) right here.  If this unstable economy worries you in the least, her wake-up call is sure to help you find the motivation to start turning things around before things get too painful.

I’m going to read it again right now – why don’t you join me?

You guys and gals helped raise $150 over 3 days for Heifer, and I just wanted to let you know about the Cuomei Tibetan Community Development Project that was funded as a result.

This project will help impoverished Tibetan households in the Tibetan Autonomous Region (TAR) to improve economic self-sufficiency and preserve their culture through Heifer’s values-based community development activities. Seventy yellow cattle, 210 female yaks and related training and services will be provided to 140 impoverished Tibetan families to improve their living standard. A Tibetan Veterinary Technologic Book will be published for indigenous cultural preservation. A solar power system will be provided to the 140 families to support environmental protection. Capacity building for targeted communities and passing on the gift will lead to long-term sustainable development.

What You Do Today Echoes For Eternity

$150 won’t change the world overnight, but it will put a dent in part of the problem for a few people … and all the people who come after them … and all the people who come after them.  Anything you do to get the Poverty Snowball rolling today will have larger and larger long-term effects for real people as time goes by, and that’s as good a reason you can get for not putting off helping people today.  That’s why I’ve decided that moving forward, a percentage of all product sales from this blog will be going straight to Heifer every month.

I recommend you do the same in some fashion or another.  Pick a way to make a difference to someone who’s living a life on the opposite end of the financial spectrum as you are, and do it on a monthly basis.  It changes the way you look at your own life, your own choices, your own everything.  It takes your eyes off of your own day-to-day issues and gets you looking at the big picture – the really, really big picture – and how you can be a big part of how that picture ultimately turns out.

My One Big Thing, And The Coming Direction Of This Blog

This month a big truth hit me – there are things in my life I’ve been settling for – attitudes, circumstances and bogus “limitations” I’ve been imagining have Great and Unchangeable Power over my life.  I’ve been so caught up in The American Dream and all of those Otherwise Capitaliz-able Profound Things that I’ve missed the point – that life (in my beliefs) isn’t about having things or doing cool things as much as it is about making those “echoes in eternity” – in other words, in making a lasting difference in the lives of people you love as well as people who will never, ever know you.

One thing I’ve been striving to do with Rock Your Day is to not make it another one of those overrated, mindless productivity blogs that saturate too many people’s feed readers.  I’ve unsubscribed from them all, and I’m sure a lot of my readers will, too.  Because we’re not looking to live a life where we do more.

We’re looking to live lives that matter more.

We’re looking to live a life on our own terms, not one where we just take what’s put in front of us.

We’re looking to never again feel like we’ve sacrificed time with the people we love for stuff, or glory, or some future where we’ll finally be able to live “the good life.”

Screw the future “good life.”  We’re ready for that stuff now. And we don’t need to be rich to do it.

Get Ready To Learn How To Rock The Hell Out Of Your Days

This blog is going to get a lot more aggressive, starting now.  I’m going to be asking tougher questions that make you take harder looks at your life.  I’m going to be poking and prodding you to see where you’re settling for things, where you’re selling yourself short, and where you’re setting yourself up for regret (but you’re just avoiding acknowledging it).

This blog is going to get tougher, grittier, and totally unapologetic about dealing with the important stuff head on.

Because your life is going to end some day - poof! - and you’re going to be left with one of two things:

Many, many regrets … or many, many snowballs.

The choice is yours.  I know what mine is.  I’m 32.  That’s one-quarter of my life already accounted for (hey, I think optimistically when it comes to advances in health technology).  I’ve had good times and bad times in those three decades, but some of it has been hit-or-miss.  I haven’t taken full advantage of my potential, and I haven’t honored the people I care about with the full measure of their worth.  I’ve missed out on some things that I wish I hadn’t.

Never again.  Screw that.

Perhaps you can relate.

If so, then subscribe to this blog and to the newsletter (in November I’m going to make a radical change to my mailing list that I think you’ll really appreciate).

The time for settling is over.  The time for taking total control of your life – and the echoes you make in eternity – is here.  The time for living a life that matters more is at hand.

Thanks for all your support so far.  I look forward to returning the favor.

Make it matter -

Dave