The thing is, the time didn’t go anywhere.  It’s was there, waiting for you to be focused enough to take action.

Here’s the thing:  Your action-taking muscles will serve whatever seems most important to you in the moment. Sometimes what’s more important to you in the moment turns out to be protecting yourself from discomfort (in which case the action you take is really “inaction.”).

Other times that action will be something that’s aligned with your true goals in life, and that’s pretty sweet.

But a more likely scenario is that something urgent will come into your field of vision and that urgency will give it a sense of inflated importance - and you’ll focus your action-taking muscles on that, forgetting about your true goals.  Making other people’s inflated sense of urgency will become a habit, and you’ll strengthen the habit of serving what’s screaming loudest at any given moment.

And weeks/months/later, when you’re wondering “where did all the time go?” you’ll feel sad.  Very, very sad.

Let’s talk about how to fix this problem so you can get what you really want in life.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with urgencies – sometimes the things that pop up truly are important, and you have to take care of them right then and there.  But once you take care of them, you need to get back to what’s truly important in your life.

And in some cases, the urgent thing that pops up really does need to be taken care of … but just not right this second.  It won’t end the world to make it wait just a little bit, so you can keep focusing on what’s truly important. Instead of breaking away to distraction, schedule the urgent thing at a time when it won’t get in the way of your true goals.

But in reality, “getting back to your goals” doesn’t always happen.

The problem comes when we handle an urgency – whether now or later – and we don’t snap back into focusing on our true goals.

(Actually, the real problem may be that you haven’t strongly and clearly defined your true goals in the first place – but for the sake of this post, let’s assume you have.)

You need a simple, easy-to-use mechanism for keeping your goals in front of you at all times – and keeping yourself re-committed to those goals.   If you don’t have this, urgency will rule your life.

One of the simplest ways to do this is to get a stack of index cards and keep them by your desk.  Every morning, re-write your most important “true” goals in life on them to re-commit yourself to making those your priorities, the things that you spend your time working towards.

The “every morning ” part here is important, because the act of writing those goals regularly is an exercise in conditioning your brain to think “These are the things I really want to make happen.”  Unless you work at conditioning that sense of clarity in your mind, you’re going to be more susceptible to getting caught up in distraction.

Do this every day, and it will begin to get harder and harder to stay off track.  An urgency will come up, and you’ll power through it, thinking “I need to hurry and get back to (that important goal).”  Or an urgency will come across your desk and you’ll say “You know, I’ll schedule this for the weekend, or for the end of my workday.”

Develop this habit, this focus, and you’ll get massive results.  (As I get ready to publish this, I see Glen Allsopp has writen on this as well, so there’s some backup if you need it.)

Do you have the guts to write down your most important goals every single day?

I say “guts” because this takes real courage – it means that you’re establishing a baseline level of accountability in your life to really work on these goals each day, each week, each everything.

You can start small – just write out a few basic quality of life goals (meaning you don’t have to say “I’m going to make a million dollars,” you can just say “I’ll stop work at 5 and have time with my family.”)

Whatever you focus on, you’ll gravitate towards.  What ever you remind yourself is important wil remain important, even if the voice of urgency gets loud.

It’s your life.  You can let it pass by, or you can rock it.

So here’s what I’m going to tell you to do right now …

1. Pick five important goals and write them down somewhere, right now. Index card.  Notebook.  Back of that piece of paper that’s been sitting on your desk forever, I don’t care.  Do it now – even before you leave a comment.
2. Then leave a comment below and let me know that you did it, and where you’re going to write these goals out daily.  If you don’t want to put your name in, put “Ass Kicker,” that’s good enough for me.
3. Spread the word about  this article.  I hope it’s been “clicking” for you, and I want it to really get some reach.  Click that retweet button below if you would, and spread the word however you can.

Do it now – you’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” – George Bernard Shaw

I’ve always loved this success quote, because it takes a common perspective on life – namely, that life is a series of events you have to react to – and turns it on it’s ear. In reality, where you end up has less to do with your circumstances than with where you decide to go in spite of your circumstances.

The decisions you make in the thick of today’s circumstance are the defining factor in what your circumstances will be in the future.

You do this by deciding that you’re going to overcome today’s circumstances, no matter what they are.

But this is easier said than done. It’s easy to let the circumstances of our day – our current financial picture, our current relationships, our current motivation levels – and see them as the defining factor of where our life is headed. It’s a simple thing to let yourself be discouraged by all the things that are going wrong and feel that you can’t easily stage a turnaround.

But “easier said than done” doesn’t get us out of responsibility.

Even though it’s not easy, no one is going to change your life except for you. Only you can create your own circumstances. But to create the powerful circumstances that you want to call your future – in spite of the challenges you face in today’s circumstances – you have to understand a few fundamental things about how circumstances work.

And to understand how circumstances work, you’re going to have to “unlearn” a few of your preconceptions about them. I’ll refer to these preconceptions as “myths” since they aren’t true (but seem true!). Then I’ll drill down to the rules about how they really work. I’ll call those rules the “Laws of Circumstance” here because I don’t have anything snappier to call them (oh well).

Myth#1: My circumstances prevent me from doing what I want to.
Law #1: A circumstance is a fact. A circumstance with an opinion is an excuse.

This is a tough law to swallow, because we all like making excuses. Excuses help us get out of taking action as well as help us get out of feeling guilty about it. We even have a spiffy word to get us out of calling it an excuse: “rationalization.” But it’s still an excuse, because it’s basically a less painful way of telling ourselves that the situation is insurmountable, and there’s nothing we can really do about it now.

Of course, that’s a load of crap. We might say something like, “I wish I had the time to start a business, but I’m already working two jobs (or I have two kids to take care of). I just don’t have the time.” Listen to the message of this statement: I don’t have the time because I have two jobs (or two kids).

Here’s the problem: one is not necessarily linked to the other.

It’s a fact that you have two jobs, or two kids, or whatever. But that’s all it is – a fact. In reality, all it is saying is that for a certain number of hours a day, you are dedicated to your work / your kids, and that those hours are off limits. That’s a plain, emotionless fact – and nothing more.

But when you add opinion to the mix, you get into trouble … into rationalization … into excuses. You start to see this fact as the defining factor that dictates what you can and can’t do. And that tends to stop you in your tracks.

You become saturated with the emotional equivalent of a brick wall – the feeling that because of X, you can’t do Y. And you don’t take action – or worse yet, you take a halfhearted action and don’t it follow through to completion (leaving you feeling even more disempowered).

And that’s the danger of rationalization.

It keeps you in a disempowered state of mind and makes you feel that there’s no real chance for improvement, because you’re taking your circumstance (fact) and taking it to a less than logical conclusion.

I say less than logical because we generally don’t use real logic when dealing with circumstances – in other words, we don’t ask ourselves how to change those circumstances, or how to work around them.

We say “I don’t have time because I’m working two jobs” and stop there, rather than apply logical thinking to the situation: How can I free up time elsewhere? or How can I change my job situation so I’m not working so many hours?

The most malicious part of rationalization is the sudden stop it puts on our creative juices, our ability to work ourselves out of a situation. Our excuses literally excuse us from taking the (often difficult) action of “rising above our circumstances.” We all do it – I do it, you do it … but you’ve got to stop doing now (or, at least begin the process of stopping!).

So how do you do this?  You basically decide you’re not going to take no for an answer when it comes to your goal. When you decide that – and I mean you make a firm commitment not to settle for leaving your goal behind – you can rise above your current circumstances and create new ones.

It’s not a matter of “working harder” – it’s a matter of working until it gets done, period. Circumstances (facts) are not supposed to prevent action (but they do because of the emotion we attach to them).

Check out the dictionary definition of circumstances:

cir·cum·stance:

1. A condition or fact attending an event and having some bearing on it; a determining or modifying factor.
2. A condition or fact that determines or must be considered in the determining of a course of action.

Look at both of these definitions. Neither of them says our common view of a circumstance: something that prevents us from getting what we’re after. Both of these definitions call circumstances a condition or fact that forces you to have to adjust to it as you follow through on your course of action.

Let’s apply this right away in your own life with a simple but extrordinarily effective exercise:

1. Consider one circumstance that you feel is the “brick wall” preventing you from getting the goal you want.
2. Now, imagine that you had no choice but to accomplish your goal. Imagine it as a life or death situation.
3. Brainstorm as many ways as you can to work around this circumstance or negate it entirely (even if it’s not an easy thing to do). Take your time doing this, because remember – you absolutely have to make this goal happen. Your “circumstance” cannot be used as an excuse.
4. Get cracking. Now. Your goal is waiting.

I truly hope that you don’t blow this exercise off – because it’s easy to do. You’re may be telling yourself, “This won’t work,” or “I don’t have the time to do this,” or “i don’t think I can pull this off …”

Just keep in mind that those thoughts are a load of … well, you know. Your mind is going to fight you with excuses and rationalizations because there’s that part of you that resists the possibility of failure, or resists the challenge of hard work … but you have to tell that voice to shut up. You have to stand up to it.

Myth#2: My circumstances make things harder to accomplish.
Law #2: Circumstances are strength training exercises designed to make you more powerful.

“No pressure, no diamonds.” – Thomas Carlyle

This quote really hammers home a timeless truth about circumstances. We tend to want to view problems as things that make things harder on us, when the opposite is true - they are actually incredible opportunities to push past our limits, and become stronger. And that strength will serve us exponentially as we move forward to our goals.

Remember that old 80’s movie The Karate Kid? The New Jersey teenager, Daniel Larusso, asks this Japanese neighbor Mr. Miyagi to teach him the secrets of martial arts for an upcoming karate tournament. So Mr. Miyagi agrees – then promptly puts him to work sweeping his yard, painting his fence, waxing his car.

Daniel got pretty ticked off at this … here he was asking for martial arts training and he was given the gruntwork of taking care of Mr.Miyagi ’s property. Finally he gives up and says “I’ve had it!” He tells Mr. Miyagi that if he’s not going to teach him how to fight, he’s out of there. He’s tired of working on things that have no bearing on his goals for the future.

And here’s the part of the movie where everything became clear. Miyagi throws a punch at Daniel and suddenly his arm flys up to block it – exactly as it had a thousand times before as he painted the posts of Miyagi’s fence. He tried to trip Daniel with his foot, but Daniel pivoted out of his way without thinking – exatcly as he would have moved if he was sweeping Miyagi’s yard.

Finally, it clicked. Miyagi had Daniel doing grunt work to train him in the basics of movement that would prepare him for greatness in the ring. Because he toughed out the work in front of him, he would have the skills to use in the arena.

Now, your circumstances are no different. You may have things that seem like roadblocks in front of you, things that are getting in the way of you reaching your goals … but they aren’t roadblocks. They are tests. They are the challenge you face to create more discipline, more courage, more staying power, more creativity … everything you will need to meet your goals in the future.

Think of it this way: How do you build muscle? By lifting weights. Heavy weights. And when you get used to them, you increase the weight. That’s the only way to do it.

So take another look at your circumstances. What if you stopped looking at that situation as a roadblock and instead decided to take it as a challenge you are destined to work around? Decide for yourself right now that it’s not an obstacle – it’s simply a weight, one you will find a way to lift, no matter what.

The pressure is on in your life because there’s a diamond in the making. So leverage that pressure and find out how to what’s currently challenging you into one of the best things that ever happened to you. Get to it now. You’ll thank yourself for it.

So here’s your homework …

1. Consider one circumstance that you feel is the “brick wall” preventing you from getting the goal you want.
2. Now, imagine that you had no choice but to accomplish your goal. Imagine it as a life or death situation.
3. Brainstorm as many ways as you can to work around this circumstance or negate it entirely (even if it’s not an easy thing to do). Take your time doing this, because remember – you absolutely have to make this goal happen. Your “circumstance” cannot be used as an excuse.
4. Get cracking. Now. Your goal is waiting.

Just one more thing before you go …

I’d like to ask you to do one important thing for me – spread the word about  this article.  I hope it’s been “clicking” for you, and I want it to really get some reach.  Click that retweet button below if you would, and spread the word however you can.

And when you’re done with that, use the comments below to tell me how you’re going to quit allowing “circumstances” to rule your life.  Do it today – you’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

We don’t think it will ever change on its own.  We don’t think we can change it, either.  And so we’re stuck settling with it.

The thing is, this very thought is the highest and grandest form of bullshit, and I’m calling you (and myself!) out on it.

What you have to understand is that we’re not the victim of anything, ever.  When we feel powerless over our situation we’re not victims – what we’re really doing is choosing to become a martyr, because that’s the easy way out.

Now, before the comment flames start, let me clear in saying that I’m not implying that the bad things in your life are your fault.  What happened in the past happened, for whatever reason it happened, and I’m not going there.  Someone may have done terrible things to you, or maybe it was just a circumstance of life, and not any particular person’s fault – but you were dealt whatever cards you were dealt, and no one can change the past.

But how you play those cards that you have – that’s the present, and that’s all under your control, even if you like to tell yourself a sad, sad  story that it’s not. You may be telling yourself you’ve “done your best,” but in reality, you’ve just folded at the table and said the game is over.

(Keep in mind that I’m writing this post to myself, and including you in on it, lest you think I’m being high and mighty.)

You see, we’re really and truly addicted to our sad, sad stories.  They let us stay safe, instead of enduring the terror of facing ourselves and the bittersweet pain of growth.

You know what’s really, really easy?  Telling ourselves we have no options.  You know what’s really, really hard?  Taking responsibility and taking action.  Because a lot of times, the action we secretly know we need to take is uncomfortable and scary and something we just would like to pretend isn’t an option … so we come up with all sorts of stories why those options aren’t valid for “someone like us.”

“I’m too old.”  “I’m not old enough.”  “I’m not smart enough.”  “It’s too late for me.”  “I don’t have _____.”  “I’m not the kind of person who could _______.”  And the kicker, “You just don’t understand,Dave.  I ________.”

No, I understand perfectly.  And here’s what I understand – no matter what it is we struggle with, no matter what sad, sad story we tell ourselves, there is someone out there who is weaker than we are, worse off than we are, more tired/afraid/screwed up than we are … who is overcoming our problem without complaint.

It amazes me how many people with “nothing” end up accomplishing and overcoming more than people with “everything.”  So it’s not about resources.  It’s not about courage or willpower or talent or skill.  It’s about a simple decision that losing is not an option that’s going to be considered.

When you decide in your heart that you are going to refuse to lose, you change your entire mindset – your strategy, your reactions, everything – and you tackle your burdens from a whole different angle.  You stop accepting the “victim” mentality and you start looking for anything and everything that will help you make one of two changes:

Change #1:  Changing Your Circumstances / Your Situation

Changing your circumstances can take a hell of a lot of work, and that’s why most people never do it.  The people who don’t change their circumstances focus on their ideal situation and how it’s impossibly out of reach for them (so what’s the point of even trying?).  Every potential option is met with an excuse, a reason why it won’t work for them.

Again, I’m not being high and mighty here.  I’m an excuse maker extraordinaire, and as I’m said I’m writing this post to myself (but I’m betting that you can relate).

Think about the resistance you feel to options when they’re presented to you.  Think of the excuses you make, all the flaws in the strategies you take based on what you imagine might happen if you tried them.

If you dig deep enough you’ll realize that the real roadblock for you isn’t that you “can’t” make something work, but that you “won’t” do it. The fear, the excuses, the worry about the consequences taking action … that’s what’s really in your way.

I want you to read this Copyblogger article, On Dying, Mothers, and Fighting For Your Ideas, because it’s absolutely stunning.  It’s about a baby named Jon Morrow who was diagnosed with a medical condition that would undoubtedly kill him by the age of two, and a mother who called bullshit on that diagnosis and committed to doing whatever it took to keep him alive.  (Twenty five years later, she’s still on the winning side).

Was it because she was Superwoman?  No, it’s because she was committed.  And commitment is different than desire.

• With desire, you often say “I wish it were this way …” and because that seems too far away, you don’t take action.
• With commitment, you say “What’s one thing I can do right now to make this a little bit closer to the way I want it to be – even if it’s hard to do it?”

Jon Morrow’s mom didn’t say, “How can I have a healthy 27 year old?” – instead she said “I have a 2-year old with a serious condition – what do I do next?”

There’s power in “next.”  You can handle “next.”  Maybe next won’t work this time, maybe it will.  You’re guaranteed to have failures and successes, but the point of it all is that it’s almost inconceivable to be truly out of options. Sure you may not like the options in front of you, they may be uncomfortable and painful and require you to demonstrate greater courage than you have in the past, but they are options.

So stop hiding behind “I can’t” and admit that the issue is really “I won’t.”  Because when you stop hiding behind the excuse and call yourself on the carpet, something miraculous often happens: you suddenly develop the courage to give that option a try.

There’s something almost magical about facing your fears – the act of doing so can make you realize that you don’t really have to be afraid, that the downsides to “failure” aren’t such a big deal and that you’re braver than you think.  Or maybe it’s just the embarrassment behind facing up to “I won’t” that makes you decide “I will.”

The bottom line is that you have options.  Don’t hide behind imagined roadblocks and pretend they’re taking away your power.  Truth is, you’re giving it away.  Stop focusing on how you’d like things to be and instead focus on what single thing you can do today to move yourself forward.  Do that, and you’ll get there eventually.

But circumstances aren’t everything, and sometimes you don’t even have to change them to make a huge stride forward in your life.  Sometimes all it takes is …

Change #2: Changing What The Situation Means To You

You can’t change the past, but you have total control over your personal interpretation of what the past means to you.  And your personal interpretation – your “story” – is 100% your responsibility.  You can’t push that onto anyone else, because what goes on in your head is your own doing – you own it.

And owning your story is a very, very good thing, because that means you can do anything you want with it.

This is another situation where you have a choice:  You can either give away all your power and let other people / circumstances create a  sad, sad story for you or you can decide that you’re going to thrive in the midst of the crap you’re going through and use it to empower yourself instead of drain you.

Bad cards get dealt to you, I understand that.  And I also understand that we picked a few of those bad cards ourselves.  Crap happens, and while I truly don’t mean to devalue the very real pain of your past, I urge you to consider the present, and how you need to take ownership of your interpretation of those events.

You can let the pain of the past drag you down, or you can “refuse to lose” again and decide that you’re going to use the pain to create a positive experience in the present and future.

When I was 9, my family imploded.

Within a span of months, one of my parents was murdered, the other went to prison, and two of my siblings were sent to the other side of the globe for their safety while my older brother and I lived out of suitcases in New York City with whoever would take us for a while.  I moved frequently over the next few years, making friends and losing them every time I moved to a new part of the state (sometimes with only a few hours notice).

Eventually, I had to run away to a different part of the country and hide out for months for my own safety, as the environment in the last place I lived in New York escalated from alcoholic to drug-abusing to violent.

I’m not saying this to make you feel sorry for me.  Screw feeling sorry, because at my worst I had it better than the millions of people starving and dying in third-world countries.  But it was still a lot of negative influence for a pre-teen kid to soak in.

I guess I could have let it get to me, but I didn’t (and it wasn’t because I was a particularly strong 9-year old).  What really happened – and I remember it well – was I was sitting by myself one day asking myself why all this happened to me, and what was the meaning behind it. Where was the good in all of this – what was the point?

But there was no point.  It was just circumstance, and violence, and pain, and none of it for a good reason. I felt alone, like no one could really help me, and I was too young to help myself.

And that simply wasn’t good enough for me.

I distinctly remember thinking “Screw this, if there’s not a point here I’m going to damned well make one, because that’s the only way I’m going to get through this.”

• I decided – at 9 years old – that I was going to ask myself, “What good thing am I going to create out of this situation?” and I let that question drive my life.

• I decided I would enjoy the hell out of other people’s company, because I might never see them again.

• I decided that when I saw people hurting, I would try to help them, because maybe no one else would.

• I decided that when people thought things were hopeless, I’d try and help them find something to hold on to, because that kind off help is desperately needed.
• I decided that instead of perpetuating the cycle of problems that my parents and grandparents suffered through, I’d try to break it.

I have failed at all of this – a lot – because I’m just as fragile and fallible as anyone else. But I have also succeeded at this enough to feel like this mindset is critically necessary.  The commitment to creating good out a bad experience is the antidote to so much pain, and I urge you to commit to it in your own life.

You can rewrite your sad, sad story into one that’s not devoid of sadness, but is bittersweet in the way that the pain is transformed into meaning.

I don’t know why all the painful things in life happened to me, and frankly it doesn’t matter.  What does matter is the meaning I’ve injected into it.  I’ve used my bittersweet story to help people from all over the world over the last 25 years since I was dealt a bad hand.  I’ve solved people’s problems.  I’ve had the humbling privilege of preventing suicides.  I’ve inspired people not to give up – which I still believed is one of the highest callings we have access to as human beings.

I always hear the example of Nelson Mandela, who took his 25 years in prison and instead of looking at it as unjust punishment, framed it as an opportunity to mentally prepare for leading his people in the future.  Bad cards become better.  But the problem with that example is it makes us think “Well, I’m no Mandela.  I’m just me.”

I’m no Mandela.  I’m not uncharacteristically special, or talented, or anything you can’t be.  I’m just a gap-toothed Italian kid from Brooklyn, and all I did was refuse to let the pain of my circumstances be in vain.  I couldn’t find any good in my circumstance, but I damned well decided to create some.

And I challenge you to do the same.  Embrace the pain you’re feeling right now. Ask yourself how you can guarantee that your suffering isn’t in vain.  Help people.  Help yourself.  take your sad, sad story and use it for good.

Every great story has sadness in it.  You treasure the bittersweet stories you read because they connect with the pain you know is part of the reality and the good you believe just has to be there in the midst of it.

Make your own story bittersweet.  If you can’t change the past, change your present.  And write your own future.

I needed to write this for myself – but I hope it has helped shake things up for you as well.

I’m having to face a few places in my life where I’m letting my own sad, sad story hold me back from being  the things I need to be for my family and for others.  Areas where I’m clinging to my own insecurities and weaknesses instead of facing my deep fears and taking responsible action to make things better.

I know I’ll get through them eventually, because I refuse to lose.  But I just felt the need to be honest with where I am.  I’m no saint – I screw up just as much as anyone else.  But I’ve been stewing in guilt for too long instead of getting off my ass and making myself get some of my stuff sorted out.  No more.

I hope you’ve found these 2500 words helpful.

Just one more thing before you go …

I’d like to ask you to do one important thing for me – spread the word about  this article.  I think it’s one of the most important I’ve ever written, and I want it to really get some reach.  Click that retweet button below if you would, and spread the word however you can.

And when you’re done with that, use the comments below to tell me how you’re going to rewrite your own sad, sad story into something better.  Do it today – you’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

Today we’re going to talk about another reason you have so much trouble breaking bad habits and establishing better ones, and it’s an equally painful truth.  But once you understand it, you can move past it.  Let’s dive in.

Painful Truth #2: If you think “good intentions” are enough to create change, you’re sunk.

A lot of times when we try to break a habit we say to ourselves, “I’m really going to do it this time,” only to find ourselves faltering far too soon.  Maybe we have a few good days and then get off track, never to return.  Or maybe we never get on track in the first place, and we’re stuck in “I’ll get to it soon” mode.

Either way, no long-term results.  We feel the sting of failure and decide there’s something terribly wrong with us.

But I’m willing to bet that most of the time the problem isn’t “us” – it’s the fact we’re using wishful thinking instead of a real strategy to overcome the habit.

This is something that we tend to do very easily – we get excited about doing something new and we convince ourselves that our excitement and enthusiasm will be enough to carry the day.  And it may carry us, but only for a very short time.  Then our good intentions get overridden by the sticking power of our long-established habits.

How To Make Yourself 50 Times More Likely To Follow Through

While I’m all for getting yourself excited to make a change (without falling into the positive thinking trap or depending upon the “Law” of Attraction), there’s a critical step you have to take after the infatuation-with-change phase.

And that step is called Making A Plan.  An actual plan for how you are going to make this habit change – one that has enough detail to actually get you there.

“I’ll start eating better and going to the gym” is not a plan.  It’s wishful thinking, because it doesn’t allow you to schedule things in and handle the resistance to change you’ll be feeling when you try to rewrite your patterns of behavior.

A plan looks more like this:

• I’m scheduling in going to the gym at lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and even if I don’t feel like working out, I’m going to show up anyway just to establish the habit.
• I’m hiring a nutritionist to help me create a meal plan that I can live with and actually follow, and I’m going to check in with her once a week.
• I’m hiring a personal trainer to create a workout plan that will help me reach my goals.  (And if you’re tight on cash, drop by stronglifts.com, get a free plan, and get a buddy to keep you accountable).
• I’m going to write down all the reasons I want to make this change – and everything it will cost me if I don’t make the change – and I’m going to review it at breakfast every day of the week.
• I’m going to write down every single thing I eat during the day for the next 30 days to keep me accountable for making good decisions – and I’ll show it to my nutritionist weekly.
• I’m going to forgive myself if I get off track and review my reasons again so I can get back on track.

So … what do you think’s more likely to create a real habit change?  “Hoping?” or planning and scheduling?

Goals Aren’t Real Until They’re Scheduled In And Planned

No, I’m the farthest thing in the world from a rigid, regimented person.  I’m not going to tell you there’s one right way to keep track of your goals, or do your schedule, or manage your workday.

But I will tell you this:  If you don’t have a way to manage it, it’s not going to happen on it’s own.  And I can guarantee you that daily urgencies will distract you and create a tension strong enough to make you unwilling to use your mental energy to reinforce habit changes.  Instead, you’ll fall into comfortable patterns because you’ll crave some comfort in the midst of your stress.

To change a habit, you need a plan.  And it doesn’t have to be a perfect plan.  It just has to be something to get you started and get it in the calendar.

For example, a beginner plan for losing weight could look like this:

• I’m scheduling in going to the gym at lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and even if I don’t feel like working out, I’m going to show up anyway just to establish the habit.
• On Wednesday at lunch I’ll spend 30 minutes figuring out how to add to / improve my plan.

That’s all you need to do.  Have a plan (or the beginnings of one) in place.  Don’t focus on what you want without figuring out what you’re actually going to do in order to accomplish it.

Wishful thinking doesn’t get you anywhere.  Planning and working the plan does.

Now Here’s The Part Where I Tell You To Do Stuff

Here’s what I want you to do right now while this is all fresh on your mind:

1. Think of one habit change that’s been in “wishful thinking” mode and decide you’re going to move into “making it real” mode.
2. Schedule 30 minutes sometime in the next 7 days to start creating your basic, just-get-started plan of attack.
3. Leave a comment and tell us what you’re doing and when your planning time is  scheduled. Leaving a comment will make you accountable for getting honest and the process will be a relief.  If you don’t want to put your real name, just put “Ass Kicker” in the name field.
4. Click the Twitter link below and spread the word about this article.

Get honest.

Empower yourself.

That is all,

Dave

It’s time to stop avoiding the painful truths behind your bad habits and face them so you can start making traction on finally changing them.  If there’s something about your behavior patterns you hate, it’s time to start reading and taking notes.

But be warned: I’m not going to sugar coat things for you.

First off, I’m not going to give you the typical positive thinking tripe about how if you just start thinking happy thoughts and follow my 3-step formula everything will come up roses.  Life doesn’t work like that.  We can’t spray bleach on your self-sabotaging mindsets and wipe them all away.  They are deeply ingrained patterns that don’t respond well to magic-button solutions.

What we can do, though, is learn to recognize the root causes and triggers associated with these working-against-you mindsets so that you can see them coming ahead of time, and maybe take some action to avoid letting these patterns continue repeating in your life.

Let’s begin with …

Painful Truth #1: You Say You Want It, But You Really Prefer Something Else

This is a tough truth to internalize, but it’s an inescapable one: When it comes down to it, you will always do what you really want to do.   Those bad habits you have are supporting an outcome that in some way is positive to you, whether you want to admit it or not.

In other words, you like the benefit of the bad habit better than the alternative (a good habit that will take that benefit away).  You prefer sticking with the buzz that comes with the bad, and you don’t really have a compelling reason to change.

I can give you an example from just a few weeks ago when I quit caffeine cold turkey (I had actually quit before, two Decembers ago, but fell back into it 4 months later).  Quitting way back then was easy – I just decided to do it and did it.  Quitting a few weeks ago was easy, too – I decided again, and I did it again.

But that space in between, those eight addicted months? That was hard.  Damned hard.  I tried to quit over and over again, and felt absolutely powerless.  Powerless, over a frikkin’ can of soda.  (To be truthful, it was more like 4 or 5 cans a day.)

Why was it easy at one time and hard at the others?  Well, when it was hard it was because of the payoff. My sweet tooth was satisfied.  The buzz seemed helpful at times (though truthfully, the crashes later weren’t worth it).  I “needed” to keep going, and the sodas seemed to help me do that – even though they brought on negative effects, like a constant increase in weight.

Quitting was hard because there was so much to lose.  Soda tasted good.  It gave me sugar highs.  It was a good distraction any time I didn’t want to sit still and think about uncomfortable truths.  All those payoffs, and I didn’t want to lose them.

Sure, there were benefits to quitting – weight control, overall health, saving money, having more energy … but they would require a hard effort and a physical penalty during the transition, and I wasn’t willing to make that happen.  Quitting cold turkey – or even weaning myself off slowly – seemed like a solution that was just too painful to follow through on.

I kept telling myself I wanted to drink better and eat better, and lose weight and feel better, but I was unwilling to admit the real truth: I didn’t really want those things.  Or I did, but not more than I wanted to be lazy and addicted.  What I really wanted was instant gratification.

Eventually though, the six-packs of soda and the crappy diet I was following caught up with me.  A few weeks ago, my body essentially gave me “the finger” and started shutting down on me.  I couldn’t think straight.  My stomach felt like ashes.  I knew that it could be nothing other than the steady stream of Mountain Dew and Ramen Cup-of-Soups that were the cause of it all.

I felt like crap.  I couldn’t function.  And so I decide that the “payoff” of soda wasn’t worth it.  I tossed the cans, and started drinking water and eating actual fresh fruit and vegetables.  And unsurprisingly, I felt better immediately.

So as of now I’m what, four weeks caffeine free again.  But not because I was strong – it was because I just really made peace with the fact that the “tasty” payoff wasn’t worth it.  I admitted I had an addiction to the benefits I was getting and I craved that more than fitness or health; and once I admitted that, I was able to begin talking myself out of it.

Every time I have the urge to tap into that high fructose corn syrup or double-strength Frappuchino, I remind myself that even though I loved the payoff I was getting from those things, they were going to rob me of so much more long term.  I don’t tell myself  “Soda is bad, I’m going to drink healthy water!” because my built-in bullshit filters will remind me that what I really think is that soda is tasty and the sugar makes me buzz.

I tell myself, “Yeah, that soda tastes good, but when I’m stuck on it I can’t freaking think straight, and I get tired too easily.  It tastes good, but it’s just not worth it in the long term.”

Here’s the thing, though – when it comes to behavior, we don’t naturally think of the long-term.

When it comes down to it, unless we’ve built up a healthy level of discipline we’re always going to go to the short term solutions.  We’re going to say we want the good-for-us, long-term stuff, but when it really comes down to it, we’re just going to keep doing what’s convenient and easy and in line with our current habits.

We’re going to tell ourselves we “really want” those good things and pretend we don’t really want the payoffs of our bad habits.

And we’re going to keep turning that bullshit filter to “off,” all the while pretending we’re not doing it

How to turn that filter on so you can begin unraveling your bad habit

There’s an expression, “Awareness is curative,” and it’s right on the money.  It’s the first step towards getting power and leverage over a situation, and here’s how you can use it to begin killing that bad habit.

• First, get honest with yourself about what the benefit of your bad habit is.  Quit pretending you’re all noble and wanting to change it and get specific on why you love, love, love what this bad habit is giving you. Is it a physical payoff?  Emotional?  Financial?  Or is it just the relief of avoiding the “fixing” process?  Focus on what juicy stuff you’re getting.

Don’t beat yourself up here.  Don’t feel guilty for enjoying the relaxation of your smokes or the temporary comfort of leaving those bills unopened.  Whatever you’re getting out of that habit, make peace with it.  Understand why you want it so much.

• Then, start thinking about what this habit is costing you – what payoff you’re truly giving up in order to keep it.  Think long term, and add up the total cost to you.  Focus on the emotional component, and make it vivid.  Will that television habit keep you from writing that novel?  Will that beer gut rob you of the energy to play with your kids?  Think of what “I’ll regret this” events you’re taking on in order to get the “juicy stuff.”

Focus on how you’ll feel 10 years, 20 years down the road.  Internalize the depression that will occur if you don’t change this habit.  Visualize kicking yourself again and again, wishing you had just toughened up and done things differently.

• Finally, imagine what life would be like if you changed this habit.  Picture yourself actually receiving the payoff that comes with the changes, and do so as vividly as possible.  See yourself enjoying the new payoffs, thankful that you toughed it out and rewrote your behaviors.  Focus on actually enjoying the results of your new, better habits.

Ok, now comes the part where you do the math.

At this point you need to compare things: the honest inventory of “bad habit” payoffs and the vivid imagining of the “good habit” payoffs.  Then admit to yourself that if you don’t change, you’re giving up the good future in order to keep your present payoffs.

Then think about the total cost – the regret, the pain, and the remorse you’ll feel in that business-as-usual future.  And do the math.  Are you happy you held on to your habits, in light of what they cost you?

You’ll likely feel pretty disappointed in your choice.  The short term payoffs will feel empty and tasteless compared to what you could be getting.  You’ll begin to feel the desire for making this trade begin to fade away – but only if you focus on the math.  Only if you make it vivid in your mind.

You see, most people say “yeah, I’ll regret not changing this” and then stop thinking about it.  If you want to break a habit, you can’t stop thinking about it.  You must always be thinking of the cost of not breaking this habit, so you’ll always be saying “As good as this short-term payoff feels, it’s just not what I really want.”

If you don’t vividly focus on this, you’ll vividly focus on how nice your present payoff makes you feel right now.  And you’ll continue to do what you “really” want.

But if you do vividly focus on this on a daily basis, what you “really want” will change.

And so will you.

Now Here’s The Part Where I Tell You To Do Stuff

Here’s what I want you to do right now while this is all fresh on your mind:

1. Get honest with the payoff of your bad habits and post it in a comment below.  Face it, so you can move on.  Leaving a comment will make you accountable for getting honest and the process will be a relief.  If you don’t want to put your real name, just put “Ass Kicker” in the name field.
2. Click the Twitter link below and spread the word about this article.

Get honest.

Empower yourself.

That is all,

Dave

It’s not that we fail to achieve these goals; more to the point, we don’t even try.  We just let them sit there, inert, and we kick ourselves every New Year’s or birthday or whatever event brings our lack of progress to our attention.

Why do we do this?  Usually it’s because of one single, action killing word … “Until.”

“Until” is the worst word you can allow into your vocabulary when it comes to your goals because it gives you a free pass to avoid taking action.  It’s easy to say you can’t get to something “until” something changes, like your finances, or your schedule, or some other external circumstance.

For example, it’s easy to say “I can’t start losing weight until I can get to (or afford) the gym,” or “until I can figure out a solid meal plan.”   In this case, you’re naming something as an obstacle – it’s either time, money or information.  You use this obstacle as an excuse, and you give it permission to roadblock your progress.

I say you “give it permission” because the very act of acknowledging this circumstance as an obstacle means you’re saying it’s okay for this to be a significant roadblock to your goals.

And once you give the “all clear” to the obstacle, it’s unlikely you’ll work very hard to change your circumstances.  That’s not a knock against you, it’s just human nature.  It’s just the way it is.  If something gives you an easy way out, you’re likely to take it if you haven’t conditioned yourself to push back against it.

This is especially true if we’re afraid of the true cost of taking action – maybe we don’t think we’re strong enough, or we’re just not sure where to start and the effort seems overwhelming. And because we don’t see how we’re going to finish on our desired timetable, we don’t see the point in starting.

As another example, it’s difficult to get excited about saving and investing if all you can save is $10 a month.  What’s the point in doing that if it’s not going to set you up for retirement?  Wouldn’t it be better to wait “until” we’re making more money?

No.  It’s far better to do what you can, with what you have, where you are.  That’s how the snowball begins.

But because we’re conditioned to want results fast, or to only take action in an “ideal” situation, we don’t push hard against these obstacles.  We let them be these big powerful forces keeping our goals on the back burner.

How To Strip Obstacles Of their Goal-Killing Power

The alternative to giving obstacles power is to refuse to see them as obstacles at all, and instead view them as simply life’s “usual” resistance to action that comes with any goal.  The key to this is to focus on progress towards your goal, and to consider that progress inevitable. Tell yourself that achieving this goal isn’t an “if,” it’s a “when.”

If you position progress as something that’s going to happen come hell or high water, you’ll find a way around the obstacle.  And you won’t even see it as a big scary obstacle anyway; you’ll just look at it as something to push through.

If you’re unwilling to see circumstances as obstacles, then you’ll be pre-conditioned to look for solutions, not excuses.  Instead of being “okay” with a challenging circumstances, you’ll find yourself being “okay” with getting a limited result to start.

Maybe you can only save $10 a month, so do it now.  And then push yourself to either find new ways to make money or stop wasting so damn much of it already.  Focus on your goal (saving more), and you’ll find a way to make it happen.

Maybe this month you’ll save $10, then next month, $15.  And as you continue to find ways to alter your cashflow and expenses, that number will grow – but it’ll never begin to snowball until you start. (And that’s on “until” you can live with).

Or maybe you can’t afford the gym (or can’t go due to scheduling right now).  So what?  Are you going to say “Maybe someday,” or are you going to go to hundredpushups.com and get started doing something?  Or are you going to start taking a 15 minute walk every day just to make something happen?

There’s Always A Way To Start If You’re Ready To Stop Making Excuses

I get it, you’re busy.  You can’t do everything.  But if a goal is important to you, do something to move forward on it and work around an “obstacle” even if it’s tough.  Just because you can’t go 100% full out doesn’t mean you can do 5% and get moving.

So often in life it doesn’t come down to can’t, it comes down to won’t, and if you’re honest with yourself you’ll see that’s as true for you as it is for me.  You can say you don’t have time for the gym, but you’re still watching LOST every week.  Couldn’t you take that time and do some exercise?  OR even do pushups during the commercials?

Maybe you can’t run a big business while you do a day job.  But can’t you set up a simple website and blog, and do phone consultations on your lunch hour to get an income stream going?

Maybe you can’t save money “until” you get out of debt.  But can’t you pick one necessary expense and cut it, funneling that savings into a credit card payment?

Of course you can.

The question is, will you?

It all depends on how serious you are about your goal, and about living a life where you don’t settle for weak action.

So let me give you some first steps to take, and then you can leave a comment and start making progress.

Ok, so how do we get the ball rolling on this?  Three simple steps:

1. First, pick a back burner goal you need to make progress on and identify the “until” you’re hiding behind to avoid taking action.
2. Next, decide you’re going to refuse to use that as an excuse.  If you had to make progress starting from where you are (and not your “until”), how could you start?  Brainstorm some ways to get started.
3. Finally, write about it in the comments.  Tell me what excuse you’re going to give up on and how you’re going to push  back against it.  If you’re worried about giving personal details, put “Ass Kicker” in the Name field below, that’s plenty good enough.

The more of you who leave this kind of comment on this post, the more people you’ll inspire to take action.

Leave your comment.  Give up on your excuse.  Define your new action.  And then leave a comment.

Do it now.  You’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

P.S. – Once you’re done, hit that “retweet” button below & spread the word so others will be inspired to take action as well.  (And if you’ve come to this post via my Stop Settling newsletter, please forward it to at least one person today who needs to hear this!)

Got it?  Good.  Now I’m going to tell you why it’s such a problem in your life, and you’re probably going to get mad at me. But I’m okay with that, because sometimes we have to get a little healthy friction going to light a fire under your ass.  So here goes.

The reason you have persistent obstacles in your life is because you’re unwilling to give up tolerating their existence.

Yeah, I can imagine this isn’t what you want to hear right now.  You want me to tell you it’s all going to be okay if you just work harder, but we both know that’s not helping.  You’ve tried and failed before, and you’re still struggling with this “permanent” obstacle.  And of course I don’t understand your situation, because “this really isn’t your fault.”

Well, OK, I’ll give you that.  I’m not going to say that any bad situation in your life is your fault.  I don’t know know who or what caused your problem.  But I do know what’s allowing that problem to remain something that’s persistently holding you back, and it’s your commitment to the way you identify with it.

You see, on some level you believe in your heart of hearts that you just can’t break past this obstacle, and you’re unwilling to give that belief up because it’s safer than what lies on the other side.

Maybe it’s a felony-level traumatic event in your past that someone else caused that’s scarred you emotionally (I know exactly how that feels).  Maybe it’s a chronic lack of willpower that has held you back as long as you remember (check that too, I’m with you).  Maybe it’s a personal failing or shortcoming that has locked you into a “label” for life.

Or maybe it’s just a simple belief that you don’t have enough time/money/talent/whatever in your life … or maybe the old standby “I’m too busy / I’m too tired.”  (And yes, I’m counting myself among the offenders here.)

These are all very real sources of pain in our lives, and all very real, very valid obstacles.  They are strong, overwhelming forces that have shaped our past in ways that we weren’t  strong enough to resist.

But today?  If it’s still going to affect you for the next 24 hours, it’s because you’re committed to believing it must affect you.  You’re not willing to give up playing the victim and demand the benefits (and responsibilities) that moving forward demands.

Strong words from someone who just doesn’t understand how your situation’s different.  But I have to tell you, I think I understand it pretty well.

You see, we all have what I call a “success identity,” a personal view of what we think we deserve, what we think we’re capable of, and what we think we’ll have access to in this life.  In some of areas, our success identity is strong, and we perform well in that arena.

In other areas, our success identity is weak and hindered by limiting beliefs, and we stay locked into a narrow range of experiences. And giving up that limiting belief can be very, very hard – so hard that most of us will never do it.

For example, think of your current monthly income, and multiply it by 50.  Can you actually see yourself making that much within 5 years?  I’d say for the bulk of us, that’s a damn scary thought.  50 times your regular paycheck is mindboggling … but only if you’ve never already believed you could achieve that.

Or maybe getting into “perfect” shape is the limiting factor here. Maybe you eat junk food, don’t exercise and have been steadily gaining weight, and the idea of getting into an ideal physical state seems impossible.

Or perhaps you’re so “messed up” emotionally that the idea of being a “together” person seems ludicrous.  (I mean seriously, Dave, it’s easy for you to say I can change, but I’m not like you, can’t you see that?)

Hell yes, you’re not like me.  And I’m not like you.  And we each have our own baggage to unpack and overcome (and you’re likely trouncing me in areas I struggle with).

But here’s the thing:  Whatever seems ludicrous, whatever you say “I could never do that …” to, that’s the limiting belief that you are absolutely committed to.  In fact, you’re so committed to it that you’ve got a ready-made collection of reasons excuses to support it – and you’ll fight me like hell before you give it up.

I don’t have the time.  I’m too shy.  I’m too fat.  There’s already someone doing that.  Who am I to do that?  I’m no expert!  I’m not good looking enough.  I stutter.  I walk funny.  My teeth suck.  I can’t speak well.  I’m too clumsy.  I’m too chicken.  I’m not smart enough.  I’ll never have the money to do that.  That’s for other people, not me.  I don’t have the talent.  It’s easy for you to say, you don’t have my commitments.  I’m too far behind  in things.  I’ve tried before.  They won’t let me.  I don’t have any options.  You just don’t understand.

Yeah, I understand.  I understand that we both will never overcome our obstacles until we’re willing to give up the luxury of making excuses for why we can’t have/be/do something.

What’s that?  You don’t think that making excuses is a luxury?  Well, then let’s see how long you can go without it.

Look, I’m not saying any of this is easy.  It’s damned hard.  But honestly, if you’re experiencing a long-term lack of anything in life, it’s because you’re convinced that it’s normal (and tolerable) for that circumstance to exist. You’ve given up believing that life should be – and will be – any different.

But instead you should be giving up that limiting belief.  You should be saying “There’s no reason I can’t have this, too.”

Are you willing to look at that generalized limiting belief about your life you’ve been clinging on to – even though you hate it – and to just give it up? If you don’t, you’ll always find an excuse to allow it to thrive.

But if you give it up – if you refuse to tolerate that limit’s right to exist in your life – then you’ll be able to start smashing it to pieces and living a life that’s more to your liking.  Scary?  Yes.  Worth it?  Hell yes.

And that’s with no existential, hokey “believe it and the magic genie will tell the universe to give it to you” nonsense.  You “attract” what you tolerate.  You “attract” what you’re willing to believe you deserve.  You take action according to what you believe this ol’ universe has in store for you.  And that action creates your new, more desirable circumstances.

That thing you’re believing right now, that belief that cages you in as a small, scared, weak animal who is going to be stuck in the same place forever?  Give up that belief. Give. it. up.  I know it’s hard.  I know it hurts to believe that you can really have more than you think you deserve, more than you think you’re capable of.

But you can.  Other people have done it before you, and others will continue to do it, once they give up on accepting the “fact” that things will never change.

So let me give you some first steps to take, and then you can leave a comment and start making progress.

Ok, so how do we get the ball rolling on this?  Three simple steps:

1. First, find someone who’s “just as screwed up as you are” or “worse,” but has managed to move past your limiting belief.  (If you’re as screwed up as I am, you’re in luck, because there’s tons of people to choose from.)
2. Next, decide you’re going to use them as a hero and a mentor.  Commit to finding out how they did it and start looking into their story for inspiration (and if you’re already close to them, talk to them and ask for advice).
3. Finally, write about it in the comments.  Tell me what limiting belief you’re going to give up on and who is going to be your inspiration/example.  If you’re worried about giving personal details, put “Ass Kicker” in the Name field below, and just tell me you’ve picked somebody.

The more of you who leave this kind of comment on this post, the more people you’ll inspire to take action.

Leave your comment.  Give up on your limiting belief.  Find a role model.  And then leave a comment.

Do it now.  You’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

P.S. – Once you’re done, hit that “retweet” button below & spread the word so others will be inspired to take action as well.  (And if you’ve come to this post via my Stop Settling newsletter, please forward it to at least one person today who needs to hear this!)

But don’t get depressed at the thought of your big, scary goal – instead, look at that fear as a sign that you need to adjust your strategy.  You can actually defuse that fear and replace it with an energizing sense of certainty that your goal is well within your power to achieve, and it’s a lot easier than you think it will be.  It all starts with a little exercise I call “taste testing your goals.”

A Little Taste Changes Everything

Have you ever been asked to try a new food and it terrified you because of your preconceptions about how it would taste?  If you’ve never tried sushi, the idea of sticking raw fish in your mouth may seem stomach-clenching – I know it was for me, for the longest time.

But then one day a friend was having crackers with tiny slivers of raw salmon on them and invited me to have a try.  Without realizing what I was eating, I gave it a try – and liked it.  After that, the idea of sushi lost its power to worry me, because I had a frame of reference for what it would taste like.  I knew that I could probably handle it.

The same thing happens at the doctor’s office when the nurse says, “This needle will hurt, but not as much the one you used for giving blood last week.”  Your brain accesses this frame  of reference, says “Ok, I get it,” and your shields come down.

In other words, anything you can do to give yourself familiarity with an experience makes it easier to handle future experiences.  A little “taste test” of something can change your whole attitude towards something, whether it’s food, pain, or even your most challenging goals.

Once your mind says “Yeah, I can handle this,” you’re much more likely to take action.  But if you don’t have that experiential frame of reference, you may be staring at that metaphorical plate of sushi wondering how you’re ever going to take that first bite.

Let’s fix that.

How To Taste Test Your Goals

If you have major goals you haven’t taken real action on – whether it’s making your first million or losing those 30 pounds – it might be because you haven’t “tasted” it yet.  Perhaps you have such a weak frame of reference available to you that you’re unable to really commit yourself to doing the things you need to do in order to make it happen.

This isn’t uncommon – it happens to people all the time when they set big goals.  If you’ve always lived paycheck to paycheck, it’s hard to think of being wealthy.  If you’ve always been overweight, it’s difficult to envision yourself as thin.

So how do you create that frame of reference with a taste test?  You simply set one small and utterly achievable milestone towards that goal and make it happen.  For example, if you’re broke and you just can’t seem to believe you’ll ever be making $25,000 a month, don’t shoot for $25,000 right now.  Work on that first $100 a month income stream.  And put that money straight in the bank so you can reinforce the fact that your financial footing is improving.

Or if you’re incredibly out of shape, don’t shoot for a total body makeover.  Head over to hundredpushups.com and start working on hitting 15 push-ups a day.  It takes a week or so to get to that level and it feels great once you do it.

By focusing on something small like this, you’ll begin to break the limiting beliefs that make you worry you’ll never get to your goal.  Instead of thinking “I’ll never be really wealthy,” you’ll think “Wow, I really can earn a little bit extra.  Let’s take it up a notch and go for $250 a month.”  Instead of thinking “I’ll always be fat,” you’ll think “Hey, I’m actually getting better at this.  Let’s add some sit-ups in there once I get to 30 push-ups a day.”

Get just a taste of your goal, and you’ll likely be much more motivated to come back for another helping. And another.  And another.  And another.

Creating A New Frame Of Reference Is Your Ticket Out

One of the major reasons you’re not making progress towards big goals is because deep down you fear they just aren’t something you can achieve.  Taste testing shatters that limiting belief forever and lets you out of that prison of inaction.

Your real struggle probably isn’t with the size and scope of your goal.  Your problem is more likely to be that you just don’t have a personal frame of reference that helps you believe you can make steady progress towards that goal.  Create that certainty of progress with a simple taste test, and you’ll build that sense of certainty that your goal is ultimately achievable.

So let’s take the first step.

Tell Me In The Comments What Your “Taste Test” Will Be

Writing things down increases your chance of follow-through, so let’s get some stuff out of your head and into words.  In the comment section below, take 60 seconds and think of one of your big, scary goals … and then think of one small step you can take towards it that will make it feel more achievable.  Maybe it’s earning that first $100, or losing that first pound, or writing that first chapter.

Whatever it is, write it down, and commit to taking action on it this week.  And if revealing your name feels scary, just put “Ass Kicker” in the name field below … that’ll be just fine.  Just get something out there and get moving so you can feel better about yourself and your abilities.

The more of you who leave this kind of comment on this post, the more people you’ll inspire to take action.

Leave your comment.  Design your own simple “taste test.”  And then eat up.

Do it now.  You’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

P.S. – Once you’re done, hit that “retweet” button below & spread the word so others will be inspired to take action as well.  (And if you’ve come to this post via my Stop Settling newsletter, please forward it to at least one person today who needs to hear this!)

Been feeling down lately?  Yeah, me too.  Here’s how to fix it.

Making Someone Else’s Day Automatically Makes You Happier

It’s part of basic human nature to strongly desire significance to other people, to feel that we’re making a contribution.  Knowing you’ve tuly helped someone, that you truly matter to them is pretty much intoxicating on a psychological and biochemical level.

There’s one little problem though:  We tend to think other people have more impact than we do.  Because of that, we value our own contributions less, and we think that we suck and others are so much more significant than we can be.  We forget how much we mean to others.

And this happens to us no matter what level of “success” we have (in fact, “successful” people freak out about this more than “other” people do).

As humans, we’re just not wired to appreciate ourselves – and we magnify others’ contributions while minimizing our own.

So what’s the antidote to feeling small and valueless? Simple: Make someone else feel valued, right now.  Think about how incredible you feel when somebody tells you how the appreciate you, or how you helped them – whether it’s someone you worked hard to help in a huge, life changing way or even a child who you simply encouraged consistently (possibly effecting just as big a change for their future).

Now think about who you can appreciate in that same way right now.  And don’t just think about it – tell them.  Today.

When you make that deposit in someone’s emotional bank account, you actually get paid a dividend in the process because their feeling of elation rubs off on you.  By making them feel appreciated and valued, you’ve made a visible and meaningful contribution.  In short, you’re hella significant to them, and you’ll feel that all the way down to your toes.

Your Assignment: Take 7 Minutes To Lift 7 People Up This Week

Each day this week, send someone a quick email.  Quick and short.  Just say “I really appreciate you because of _____; you’ve made a difference in my life.  I just wanted to say thanks.”

(Sure, you can gush if you want, and ignore my ‘quick and short’ command – it’s really just there to get you off your ass so you’ll do it.  Write as much as you want, but just write something.)

Each day this week, take 60 seconds to email one person.  And watch what happens – you’ll feel better about yourself, in spades.

And Just To Make Sure You Really Do It, Leave Your First Message In The Comments

Take a few seconds right now to give someone their shout out in the comments – and then cut and paste it into an email.  The more of you who leave this kind of comment on this post, the more people you’ll inspire to take action.

Leave your comment.  Lift someone up.  It’ll lift you up as well.

Do it now.  You’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

P.S. – Once you’re done, hit that “retweet” button below & spread the word so others will keep the uplifting emails coming.  (And if you’ve come to this post via my Stop Settling newsletter, please forward it to at least one person today who needs to hear this!)

I can’t tell you how many times people have told me they know what to do – and even know how to do it – but they just can’t get it done because of the paralyzing, depressing effects of self-doubt.  And when I say “people” I’m not talking about chronic procrastinators or no-account layabouts … I’m talking about people all the way up the spectrum, from mildly successful to seven-figure earners.

Self-doubt can take the wind out of anyone’s sails.  And it does.  Frequently.

Here’s how to put the wind back in those sails no matter how you’re feeling today.

Today’s kick in the ass is a simple one – make a quick list of reasons you kick ass at whatever it is you’re about to do.   Just take a moment – right now – and think about the last few times you felt good about your abilities, and really pull those memories back up.

Maybe you received a really encouraging email or tweet from someone saying you did a great job, or you really made a difference in their life.  Maybe you passed a touch certification, or practiced hard to gain a new skill.  Maybe you won an award, or fixed a high-profile problem, or maybe it’s as simple as you being there when someone needed you.

Whatever it is, that’s relevant to your struggle, think back to the victories and relive the emotion … and put down the reasons you rocked on a short list.  An index card you can carry with you.  A post-it you stick to your monitor.  A text file on your desktop you can open any time.

Lists prevent you from taking yourself for granted

When you’re good at something, it’s generally something that’s important to you.  Because it’s important to you, it’s likely you have mentors or “heroes” that you look up to – and since they’re so much “better” than you are, you downplay your skills and talents and think they’re nothing special.

But they are.  Those skills and talents can make things happen in your life and the lives of others, and if you take them for granted, you’re going to take weak action and doubt your abilities.

You’re going to compare yourselves to others and think you’re not good enough.  You’re going to think about your past successes and tell yourself that it was just a fluke, or that you don’t have it in you for a repeat performance.

I strongly urge you to call bullshit on yourself by putting into words all the reasons you should be proud of yourself.  Make a list of the reasons you’re really good at what you do.  And if you’re only kind of good, make a list of all the reasons you’re at least “good enough.”  And if you’re just getting started, just make a list of all the progress you’ve made.

Your Assignment:  Tell Me 3 Reasons You Rock At What You Do

You’re better at this stuff than you give yourself credit for.  Start giving yourself credit and make your own “Reasons I Kick Ass” list.  And when you start losing steam and doubting yourself, come back to this list for some encouragement.

For now, leave a comment and tell me 3 reasons you should be proud of yourself / your skills / your progress.  If you’re not comfortable putting your name, just put “Ass-Kicker” in the name field and no one will know who you are.   Just put it in writing, and get it done today.

Then write this list down for yourself, and put it somewhere handy.

Do it now – you’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

P.S. – Once you’re done, hit that “retweet” button below & spread the word so others can make their own “Reasons I Kick” list.  (And if you’ve come to this post via my Stop Settling newsletter, please forward it to at least one person today who needs this kick!)