Blame The Mirror: Why You Can’t Stop Procrastinating
Feel like there’s nothing you can do to stop procrastinating? Today you’re going to find out why. All you need is a mirror, 60 seconds of your time, and a little bit of courage. (And if you’re low on courage, just think of something you don’t feel like getting to this morning and consider how much more fun it would be to make goofy faces at yourself in the mirror instead). So there’s homework coming – read this, then find something shiny to gaze into for one short minute.
Why Your Mirror Makes It So Hard To Stop Procrastinating
What do you see when you look in the mirror? If you answered “I see myself,” I’ve got news for you – you’re lying. You don’t see yourself – you see what you physically look like, plus all your emotional baggage. Whatever your reflection looks like, it’s completely distorted based on your self-image, self-esteem and self-loathing, and it’s not an accurate picture of who you are.
Why am I bringing this up? Because as a human being, your ability to take action is based on the value judgments you make about yourself. Words like “winner,” “loser,” “achiever,” “slacker,” “success” and “failure” are the labels we put on ourselves either based on what people tell us or what we choose to believe about ourselves. And the right label – or the wrong one – will undeniably direct the course of your life.
The problem is, most of us don’t consciously decide what that label is going to be. And we suffer for it.
You Can’t Trust What You See In Your Mirror
What you see in your mirror is a reflection of who you think you are – and since we’re such experts on keeping our emotional baggage packed up tight, you don’t want that driving your life. There are too many things that give us delusions of inadequacy as it is. Too many labels driving our actions.
Want to know why you can’t stop procrastinating? Because somewhere in that reflection you see yourself as someone who has procrastinating wired right into your DNA, like your eye color or your ability (or non-ability) to roll your tongue. But procrastinating isn’t a character trait – it’s a pattern. It’s a learned behavior. But you’re not seeing it that way, and that’s why you’re still tolerating it. You think it’s you – but it isn’t.
It’s Time To Decide Who You Want To Be – And Who You Are
Don’t let emotional baggage drive you. Don’t let the labels people gave to you (or the ones you gave yourself) drive you any longer. Decide that the next time you look in the mirror, you’re going to challenge those labels and call yourself something different than what you’ve been calling yourself so far. You want to stop procrastinating? Stop identifying with it. It’s just a learned behavior – and you can unlearn it. It’s just a pattern you can interrupt and overwrite with a new pattern.
I’m not promising that you’re going to rewrite that pattern overnight. But I can promise you that you’re never going to stop procrastinating until you decide that you’re going to stop identifying with the label of “procrastinator” and see yourself as something different. The mirror lies, because we lie to ourselves. Wouldn’t it be nice to start telling ourselves the truth – that we can be who we decide to be, instead of who we’re “stuck with?”
That’s your homework. 60 seconds in front of the mirror. Think about the labels you’re giving yourself, and decide that you’re going to start peeling them off, one by one. Spend 60 seconds a day on this, and I’ll bet you’ll start finding it easier to stop procrastinating. Do it now. You’ll thank yourself for it.
Dave,
This is by far the best post I have read to date. It reminds me a little of the Mad TV skit “I’m smart enough, I’m handsome enough, and by golly, people like me.” But still, this is so true. We do lie to ourselves and it is amazing the power of spoken words. I think that we could take this a step further and actually start speaking what we want because even though we know when people call us “slacker” and “procrastinator” that they are probably just joking around, our subconcious doesn’t know how to take a joke, so it takes it seriously and starts making it true.
By speaking the positive over that, it will begin to have the same sort of reversing effect. Looks like I am off to start changing the way I speak, both to myself and to others.
Sal’s last blog post..Paper or Plastic With Writer Dad
Right on, Dave. This is fantastic and definitely a great post. Consider it stumbled and hopefully, I’ll remember to come back with my list of labels. (I foresee rock-on writer, fantastic entrepreneur, excellent businessperson…)
Then again, I have some procrastination to do
James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post..Who Would You Date In the Blogosphere?
This is good. My biggest hurdle right now is that I don’t truly believe I can “do it” (all the stuff I want to do.) My labels, deep down, don’t include “entrepreneur” or “self-made success.”
Trying to unstick that “employee” label at the moment. Thanks for the help with that.
Sonia Simone’s last blog post..7 Things Big Dumb Companies Do That You Can’t Afford (Especially Now)
Spot on. Even when you know you can “do it” it’s still hard to get it done sometimes because we let the illusion of “ourselves” get in the way.
Damn mirrors.
Brian Clark’s last blog post..9 Little Known Traits of Successful Bloggers
@Sal –
Glad you liked.
@James –
Don’t forget “Comment Ninja.”
@Sonia –
Now I like that. Dropping “employee” as a label … I think I’ll try that too.
@Brian –
Hey, thanks for stopping by! If we’re going to have an illusion, why not make it one we design intentionally – one that can help us?
PS – thanks for all your early articles on Magnetic Headlines. They truly helped me get on my feet and onto the Digg frontpage time and again.
Great idea, I am a master at procrastinating. It’s one thing I’m pretty sure I’ll do!
In a previous post you talked about how “procrastination is a completely natural defense mechanism” I was SO with you as you explained that. I was not as with you when you suggested how to over ride it by reasoning with your brain. I just don’t think fear (what’s going on in ones brain when procrastinating) is reasonable. Therefore not something that CAN BE reason with it. I think we need other tactics. At least some people do. I think your strategies do work and work well for many, I’m talking about those that it is not helping and why it might not be helping.
Today you said, “Don’t let emotional baggage drive you. Don’t let the labels people gave to you (or the ones you gave yourself) drive you any longer.” Again easy to SAY but it is hard to respond to an unreasonable feeling by using REASON. I think for some people, the use of compassion and some clever negotiation maybe works better.
I’m just very sensitive to telling myself or others DON”T cause I know if I’m not successful at DON”Ting then I am not only messed up cause I have emotional baggage but now I’m messed up again cause I don’t have the power to not let it effect me. Does that make sense?
With this topic I have SO MUCH passion I have to say something. The population that will not respond well to your suggestions should know they are not broken or defective because a curtain technique is not working!!!!!!
This issue is at the marrow of my book so you can understand the passion. I can not stand seeing people who are hurting already end up hurting themselves more when they feel they are not able to make the change happen. I just think the tactics for making the change happen is not the same for everyone. We can cripple ourselves by telling ourselves don’t do the thing we are feeling the pain over doing and then not being able to stop doing that painful thing. Was that followable?
Thanks for opening the door for this conversation. I would love to talk to you more about this. I am going to repost my comments here on my blog ( and will of course link to your blog).
I think we are on the same team Dave, we both want the best thing for people, we just have different ways to come at the topic. How cool is that, it only means more people will get what they need!
Rachel
Rachel Z. Cornell’s last blog post..Winston Churchill said: “If you are going through hell, keep going.”
I’m pretty sure it says bad things about me that I’ve come back to reread this at least five times.
Amy Derby’s last blog post..Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Conquering Stress Addiction
This is a fantastic post, I don’t know how I will fare at the homework though, I hate really looking in the mirror. Usually I am just looking in it to find the flaws in myself that can be quickly covered up, I’ve never looked that deep for the flaws and brought them into view.
Although it may be hard, it may be time for me to have a heart to heart with myself.
Jenny’s last blog post..Moments
That’s fantastic advice. I’m so very tired of my procrastinating, it gets so depressing and feels like a huge weight on my shoulders. Thanks