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Aug 22, 2010

Why You Need To Abandon Your Rescue Fantasy

(Note: This post was first published in June 2009 – but my Spidey Sense is telling me to send it out again because people need to hear it.)

Somewhere on one of my old Brian Tracy CDs there’s this great line he says about how in order to really take control of your life you have to first realize that no one is coming to your rescue.  If you want your life to be different, you’re going to have to get up off the couch and make it happen.

Steven Covey also talks about the dangers of the “rescue fantasy” in one of his books, saying how too many people think that some magical solution will solve their problems in the future.  We’ll get that raise, and then we’ll be able to get out of debt.  Someone new will date us, and finally, things will go smoothly.  Someone will offer us a better job, and then everything will be okay.

Except life doesn’t work that way.  Nothing is going to make your problems “go away.”

No one is coming to your rescue.  And that’s good news.

We buy into all these little “someday” ideas in our life – “Someday, when I have this, I’ll be happy.”  Or “Someday, when this circumstance changes, everything will be better.”  We’re unhappy about something now, and we fall for the scam of external happiness – the idea that something outside of us has to change before we can actually feel happy and fulfilled.

But here’s the cruel thing – even when that circumstance changes, or when you get that thing you’ve been angling for, you won’t be happy. Things won’t be okay, because there will be a new circumstance you want changed or a new thing you want.

There will always be another external factor for you to be unhappy about, because if you’re miserable, it’s because you’re not cultivating the practice of gratitude and happiness in your own life.

The good news is that when you accept that no one is coming to your rescue, you can finally work on rescuing yourself from the stress and unhappiness you’re generating inside you.

I speak from experience.

The last two weeks have been absolutely miserable for me (again, this was in June 2009), because I’m trying to make a major change in my circumstances right now, and it’s extremely difficult and it’s not happening fast enough. (If only X or Y or Z would happen, then everything would be okay!)

I’ve spent two weeks living in almost paralyzing frustration looking for a quick-fix solution to my situation.  And then I get blindsided with this, from Mahala Mazerov:

At the most basic level, the definition of suffering is wanting things to be different than the way they are.   I live with a brain injury that significantly influences my life energy. In addition, I’m dealing with new health challenges that have left me extremely limited since January.  In Buddhist practice, we are reminded again and again we can take adversity as the path. In other words, we can face adversity, bow to it,  and use it as a means of cultivation. My daily challenge has been to embrace the shifting experiences as best I can, take the hardship as fuel for love, compassion and patience.

You really need to step away from this blog and read this post of hers, right now.

Mahala goes on to say that a lot of our suffering comes from getting stuck on our desire to have things be different right this instant and that taking adversity as the path is far easier than creating suffering in the name of desire.

And I have to say, I agree.

When we cling to our rescue fantasy, we make life more difficult.

One major change I made this weekend was to stop wishing that my circumstances were different right now and to start focusing on the question how can I grow as a person through the process? Maybe the reason I’ve been so damn unhappy isn’t because I’m not at the finish line right now, but that the waiting is revealing weaknesses in my attitudes, my self-discipline, and my willingness to push myself harder in the areas that matter.

We all want “things to change and be better” when perhaps we should be focusing on becoming better in the process of moving towards that change.

Otherwise, when things do get better, we’ll still be carrying all our current baggage into the next job, the next relationship, the next whatever … and we’ll be just as unhappy.

I’m not feeling the frustration of last week right now because I’ve abandoned my rescue fantasy. I can see some personal shortcomings I need to address between now and that near-future tipping point, and I can also see how the waiting period can give me the much-needed time and incentive to become a more balanced, relaxed person.

The “pain” of waiting is actually a pretty damn good gift, if I just choose to unwrap that sucker and use what’s in the box.

A change in circumstances does not equal a rescue (it’s more of a bailout, and we see how well those work).

You need to rescue yourself from your frustration, right where you are, right now.  People with far worse circumstances than you are refusing to play the victim every day – step up and join the ranks.

So here’s what I’m going to tell you to do right now …

  1. Pick one rescue fantasy you have right now and name it. Whatever it is that you’ve been telling yourself will be better one day when things are different – pick it and decide you’re going to change the way you look at it.  Do it now – even before you leave a comment.
  2. Then leave a comment below and let me know how you’re going to reframe this situation as a call-to-action to be a stronger person.  If you don’t want to put your name in, put “Ass Kicker,” that’s good enough for me.
  3. Spread the word about  this article.  It got great response the first time, and I want it to really get some reach.  Click that retweet button below if you would, and spread the word however you can.

Do it now – you’ll thank yourself for it.

That is all -

Dave

76 Responses to “Why You Need To Abandon Your Rescue Fantasy”

  • Jun 8, 2009 Deb Owen

    Dude! I’m starting to think we’re living in a parallel universe or something! (In other words…’me too!’ ;-) )

    Thanks for this!
    All the best!
    deb

    Deb Owen’s last blog post..what’s your story? (what do you think it ’should’ be?)

  • Jun 8, 2009 Mynde

    Dave,
    Very nice! I love reading my own story, in your words. I’ve just finished up an ebook that is all about the excuses we put in between ourselves and what we want.

    I love you callin’ us out on our “need to be rescued.” It never works. Really, we are just creating experiences over and over that will point us in the direction of rescuing our self. Yeah, I get to rescue me… from my excuses, from my wishing, waiting and hoping for things to be different.

    ::: fist bump :::

    Mynde’s last blog post..The Cool Thing About Twitter

  • Jun 8, 2009 Brett Legree

    Awesome, brother.

    We are where we are because of the choices we’ve made. Others may have effects on us, but we choose to respond.

    We’ll get where we’re going from here based on the choices we make from this point forward – starting with this instant.

    Yep, I have a rescue fantasy too, and it sucks. It sucks because there are people out there with a lot less than I have, kicking a lot more ass.

    Brett Legree’s last blog post..a tale of two bridges.

  • Jun 8, 2009 Amber Shah

    Nice post. Between Seth Godin’s post about being boring and this, I’m getting a serious kick in the butt.

    Amber Shah’s last blog post..How to Hire People Who Don’t Suck

  • Jun 8, 2009 Mary Anne Fisher

    Beautiful.

    Action plays a critical role in attaining what you want. But how you feel about and experience your [current] circumstances and your state of being are even more critical.

    Change begins with us and who we are. We “are” our thoughts, feelings, beliefs and responses to whatever circumstances and challenges we’re faced with.

    Change only “hurts” when we harshly judge our undesirable circumstances. The “good” vs. “bad” comparisons we make between our present plight and the circumstances we desire keeps us in a state of pain and discomfort (i.e. impatience, frustration, the blues, etc.)

    Eliminating good vs. bad comparisons and judgments, and accepting and being at peace with our present circumstances stops the pain and enables a faster, more natural (and a lot more pleasant) “flow” into the changes we desire.

    Some people confuse accepting current circumstances with settling for them. They’re not the same thing. But if you’re not at peace with your current situation, you’re limiting or even completely blocking the flow of change you most desire.

    Your points are brilliant and well-made. And Mahala’s post is awesome. Thanks for this, Dave.

    Mary Anne Fisher’s last blog post..7 Stupid Simple Steps to Crazy Online Profits… Almost Overnight!

  • Jun 8, 2009 Jennifer Louden

    Be gentle with yourself, Dave.. This is the work of a life time. As the more life pushes and pulls us, the more it wants us to surrender and open to grace.

  • Jun 8, 2009 Golda

    Great post … very timely.

  • Jun 8, 2009 Amy Crook

    This is an issue I struggle with a lot — I always wonder where the Cinderella fantasy comes from, but man, it’s good to know it’s not just a girl thing. ;)

  • Jun 8, 2009 Positively Present

    This is GREAT! I think that deep down we all have some sort of rescue fantasy. Mine happens to be bumping into Oprah in a restroom, chatting with her about my blog/book ideas, and then being invited on her show to subsequently live a life filled with fame and fortune and making differences in lives everywhere… yes, I’m slightly delusional. But I think we (including me!) need to let go of these fantasies and focus on doing what we can to make our lives what we want them to be. Love this post! It’s really given me a lot to think about!

    Positively Present’s last blog post..trust me: to be happy you need to trust

  • Jun 8, 2009 Mahala Mazerov

    Talk about blindsided. I practically fell out of my chair when I came across my name. Totally unexpected, and a great joy to think I was part of your process.

    When we cling to any fantasy, when we cling to any reality (because what is that exactly?) that’s where the difficulty appears. If we’re lucky we remember to put the bags down and address the moment and the quality of our mind. That in itself is a kind of rescue.

    Mahala Mazerov’s last blog post..Suffering By Desire

  • Jun 9, 2009 Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome

    Yay for someone else speaking up about Somedays!

    I look at it this way: while we can’t choose what happens to us all the time we can choose how we react to it.

    That means we are 100% responsible for getting out of negative situations – we can ask for help, but no one is going to rescue us.

    Nicely written.

    Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Are You Working Yourself Too Hard?

  • Jun 9, 2009 Catherine Cantieri, Sorted

    “The “pain” of waiting is actually a pretty damn good gift, if I just choose to unwrap that sucker and use what’s in the box.”

    Damn. That’s just what I needed to read. Thank you so much for this post, and for introducing me to Mahala’s blog.

  • Jun 9, 2009 Colin Wright

    Very good point and clearly written. I think even those of us who are die-hard self-motivators fall into this trap from time to time, thinking that one opportunity or another will come along that will wipe away all of our problems. Which is not ideal, of course :)

    Colin Wright’s last blog post..Asymmetrical Business Warfare and You

  • Jun 9, 2009 Srinivas Rao

    Well written post. My circumstance are currently far less than ideal, but my focus has been on moving forward and so I started my blog, and have just kept applying for jobs and used the blog as a way to demonstrate tangible evidence of my knowledge.

  • Jun 10, 2009 Steve Averill

    Great post. Have also struggled and continue to struggle with a rescue fantasy ever since my dad dies unexpectedly at only 38 (I was 16). It’s becoming aware of what your subconscious does to undermine you and hold you back. Well done.

    Steve Averill’s last blog post..We Need You

  • Jun 10, 2009 Johnny B. Truant

    What a fantastic, fantastic post. This ties right in to the victim mindset. YOU take responsibility for your life… the good AND the bad.

    Johnny B. Truant’s last blog post..I have no point, but I may or may not be funny sometimes regardless of what that guy with the lazy eye says, and also, where’s my taco?

  • Jun 11, 2009 Anna

    Great post and a wonderful message.

    I was surprised, though, when you said, “perhaps we should be focusing on becoming better.” Isnt’ that simply another way to wish things were different? For me, it’s another trap of “should” which keeps me away from being in the moment and experiencing what is.

    Anna’s last blog post..Are you in deeper than you think?

  • Jun 11, 2009 Tea Silvestre

    What if you have fantasies of being the rescuer? As in…I think I can seriously save/change the world?

    Actually, it works both ways — you can get just as frustrated when your efforts to rescue aren’t lauded/accepted/sought after/you-name-it.

    Since it’s our desire for change that actually helps us get off the couch in the first place, it’s hard to relax into the process and just ENJOY where we are.

    I’m still workin’ on it.

  • Jun 13, 2009 Craig

    Great post. Brings to mind some Dave Matthews’ lyrics:

    “What I want is what I’ve not got, but what I need is all around me.”

    Thanks for tackling this important topic and best of everything in your own journey.

  • Jun 14, 2009 Barry (Solo-Dad) Morris

    I guess I’ll join the chorus. I’ve long held a rescue fantasy that says someday my ship will come in and I’ll be able to work from home full-time with the results I need to make it a reality.

    Maybe this is a common fantasy for a lot of single parents; but I also have to admit that I’m still sitting on the couch.

    The post is a good reminder of Einstein’s quote: “Nothing happens until something moves.”

    Here’s to moving off the couch and into the rest of my life.

    Barry (Solo-Dad) Morris’s last blog post..Poll: Help Refocus Solo-Dad

  • Jun 18, 2009 Terrance Rossi

    Amazing, to find others wandering around out here. This is the longest, “Finish Line Stripe”, I’ve ever crawled across……. Just a mirage of a, “Rescue Fantasy”.

    Glad to be on this Blog. Gotta get back into, “Kick Ass Shape”. Looking forward to sparring with all of you, each and everyday.

    Thanks, Dave. YOU ROCK, BROTHER!

  • Jun 18, 2009 mrschattypants

    Funny thing, was having this same exact conversation with a friend of mine today. We are both wanting to change our situations, but our butts are still on the couch. Sigh. Thanks for the smackdown.

    mrschattypants’s last blog post..Whatever Works

  • Jul 23, 2009 cm

    Yes this is such good advice. I have three kids and not much money and I can get to thinking if only I had a partner if only I had a great job. But my challenge has always been to try and go for something anyway and see if I can pull it off.

  • Oct 5, 2009 HE

    [...] of inspirational stuff. I read and agreed wholeheartedly with Dave Navarro’s post about how nobody is going to save you. I detest the notion of being a victim. I wrote in possibly my very favorite post about committing [...]

  • May 19, 2010 Lance

    I’ll sum it up- NO MORE LOTTERY TICKETS! Thanks Dave for hitting the nail ON THE HEAD AGAIN!

  • Jul 29, 2010 Erin

    I really needed someone to tell me this. Thank you.

  • Aug 23, 2010 Brooke Yool

    Way to go, yet again! This is one of the messages I’ve shared with past fitness training clients who want to lose weight: the people who will start “soon” but the moment isn’t perfect today. They want to wait until after the 4th of July parties, then after their son’s birthday, oh, and then their husband’s birthday, and then there’s Labor Day–might as well wait until the end of summer to start eating well, right? (Read: someone doesn’t want to make a change!! ;)

    And yet all of us can apply this same message somewhere in our lives… thanks.
    Brooke Yool´s last blog ..Never Give Up! My ComLuv Profile

  • Aug 23, 2010 Gabrielle

    Learning about values right now. It’s helping me realize what I like to do for work. :)

    I like the reframe technique. Sometimes I forget about that! Thanks for posting this. It helps me remember … a nice kick in the ass and a notecard at my desk for Monday morning.
    Gabrielle´s last blog ..Get Started! 10 Quotes That Really Work to Write Like Stephen King My ComLuv Profile

  • Aug 23, 2010 Barbara

    well thank for the reminder that we are masters of our daily lives

    and we are sometimes our worst enemies

    though other people can do a pretty good job of shooting us down too

    all in the name of love?

  • Aug 23, 2010 Cat

    Thank for reposting this. Even after being blindsided years ago, and giving up any fantasies of rescue, in moments of exhaustion, frustration – or just plain needing to rethink how things are going, the old siren song of “Being Rescued” still starts up in the back of my mind. It is humbling to realize that no matter how logical and disciplined any of us are the part that motivates us (me anyway) is the struggle to not give in, which is akin to giving up.

  • Aug 23, 2010 Gina

    Mahalo Dave!
    Along with a kick in the pants a little compassion for where we find ourselves at any given moment can go a long way. I find when we make the connection and practice being aware without judgment we have more energy, options and freedom to choose.
    Aloha!
    ps Good to hear from you. I thought I fell off the mail list :)

  • Aug 23, 2010 Melissa Dinwiddie

    Ah yes, the old rescue fantasy. I confess it pops into my head on a regular basis (”if only I’d come into a windfall of cash and could instantaneously pay off my personal debt” “if only I could meet some wonderful guy who will help me purge and organize my chaotic studio” “if only my music/art/writing would be discovered and gain me instant glory!”)

    Ha! The truth is, I’m quite aware that I am 100% responsible for my own happiness. And as your post says so eloquently, the less I let those rescue fantasies intrude, the more I can focus on actually doing the work to create the life I really want.

    I started my blog from just this mindset, as a way to help keep me on track toward creating (and re-creating) the life I really want. But we all need a course adjustment periodically. Posts like this are just the ticket – thank you!
    Melissa Dinwiddie´s last blog ..The Number One Problem Most Artists Have- Plus the Unveiling of My Debt Elimination Project My ComLuv Profile

  • Aug 23, 2010 Sangeeta Iyer

    Omigod – “rescue fantasy” is SO right…it’s so much easier to have a superhero in your life than to be one. Sighhhh! Now i’ll actually have to get off the couch and start flying myself! Thanks for that kick, Dave :)

  • Aug 23, 2010 Sarah leather

    This was so perfect to read on a sunny Monday morning when once again I had the thought that this week things will be different.
    Thanks for reposting- this week I will be different.

  • Aug 23, 2010 Peter

    Yo Dave,

    since I have stumbled over your blog some weeks ago, I have come to fully realize all that quagmire I have dumped myself in out of sheer complacency and self pity.
    Thanks a lot for your weekly ignition forcing me to move on and not look back.

    Regards

  • Aug 23, 2010 Pamela Saxon

    I’ve been a practicing Buddhist for 20 years now, so this kind of thinking about suffering (wanting things to change) is very familiar to me. I love it.

    One thing to keep in mind when we may find ourselves in this ‘trap’ is that the only true constant in the universe is change. The gratitude we hold in our hearts for the moment determines the kind of change we will experience in the future.

  • Aug 23, 2010 Nicola Cairncross

    Dear Dave, loved this the first time I read and loving it again. And a timely reminder because everything went totally tits up AGAIN just recently and I went from “nearly made it” to starting again from scratch.

    But things are moving much quicker this time, and I’m enjoying what I’m doing and I was forceibly reminded of what’s important – love, family, friends, sunshine, music and all of those good things.

    Having written about this rescue fantasy in my book The Money Gym too, having read this post again, I was thinking about some of the other comments about where this rescue fantasy comes from and it might well be from the fairy stories we are read as a kid? Cinderella, Rapunzel, The Little Princess, the Princess & The Pea… there are so many examples where the main character is poor, lost and unloved and then, somehow miraculously rescued into a love & money filled environment right at the end.

    Well, I’m not waiting for any bloomin’ prince or knight in shining armour. I’m taking my OWN armour off the shelf, dusting it off and getting on with it.

    And somewhere along the road of The Hero’s Journey, I’ll find the love and money and I’ll enjoy it and appreciate it all the more because of the hard times.

    Great post as always!
    Cheers,
    Nicola
    Nicola Cairncross´s last blog ..3 Compelling Reasons To Limit Who You Follow On Twitter &amp Friend On Facebook My ComLuv Profile

  • Aug 23, 2010 Tony Teegarden

    Awesome post man. Jim Rohn said something similar as well.

    “If you’re waiting for someone to come around to turn you on…What if they don’t show up?”

    “…because if you’re miserable, it’s because you’re not cultivating the practice of gratitude and happiness in your own life.”

    Man I love that line. It’s become much easier for me to practice this since purposely implementing my creative imagination. When I visually play & rehearse what I want my life to look like, my attitude in the present moment improves.

    My attitude takes altitude and allows me to observe my present moments. I no longer see myself as a victim but a creator.

    I love this post and it hits on so many levels.

    I can see why you republished it!
    Tony Teegarden´s last blog ..Shaking Up Your Model Of What’s Possible Through Creative Imagination My ComLuv Profile

  • Aug 23, 2010 Morticia

    wow – awesome Monday morning kick in the pants………
    so many avenues in my life would benefit – starting with the most important – the personal relationships.

    Have an amazing day!

  • Aug 23, 2010 Mahala Mazerov

    Your spidey sense is right on!

    Lately I’m seeing not only more clamoring for rescue, but more projections and efforts to control. (Which I see as another manifestation of not rescuing yourself.)

    I will say with maitri (lovingkindness), this is an ongoing process. You need to return again & again. To your baggage, your fantasies, and Dave’s post.
    Mahala Mazerov´s last blog ..Self Care Confessions My ComLuv Profile

  • Aug 23, 2010 Jennifer Wilson

    I keep thinking that starting a family will help me improve my time management – so I’ve been neglecting to work on that now and I keep burning the candle at both ends.

    This is a stupid idea and I should improve my time management now so I can a.) enjoy more of my time now without a little one and b.) can perhaps head off some of the added anxiety from that future time.
    Jennifer Wilson´s last blog ..Celebrate Monday- August 23- 2010 My ComLuv Profile

  • Aug 23, 2010 Mary E. Ulrich

    Had to laugh at your headline. I must be hanging around with too many romance novelists…just let it go at that.

    But whether the rescuer is Superman, or a supervamp, you are right… we are silly to keep waiting for a rescuer.
    Mary E. Ulrich´s last blog ..Signing Your Life Away My ComLuv Profile

  • Aug 23, 2010 Elle

    I have a blog that focuses on offering up hard-won wisdom to “betrayed wives”. I love it. Making no money at it, but that wasn’t the plan necessarily.
    But though I’m a published author, I’m having trouble finding a publisher who will publish it under a pseudonym (my kids don’t know..and I don’t want them to). I’ve fallen into the “if someone discovers me, then everything will work out great” trap, rather than reaching out for what I want. In other words, waiting to be “rescued”.
    I love the “adversity can become your path” bit — I think that’s so true. And though I followed that conviction in parts of my life, I was content to wait for rescue in other parts.
    Well put…and a well timed post for me to read.

  • Aug 24, 2010 Justin

    For months, I lost a very important renewable sum of money for my college. I sent letters to my financial aid directors, spoke with a psychologist, and submitted all my workings with my director. I have received the items back and now I have to work with changing myself. I have to do community service for a few weeks, keep my grades above a 3.0 basis, and

  • Aug 24, 2010 Eugen Oprea

    This is just the right timing for me to read your article, because in this moments I am living the misery you were describing in the article.

    But I am willing to change this, I am ready and I know I will be able to change it.

    All the best!

    Eugen
    Eugen Oprea´s last blog ..How to install Scribe SEO My ComLuv Profile

  • Aug 24, 2010 Debra

    Dave. Dave. Are you spying on me again? You struck a chord once more. Really, I need to stop wandering, settle into a place and get my stuff and self back together. AND create some actually lucrative work. It’s not going to happen by just wishing or waiting. Is it?
    Debra´s last blog ..Should I panic My ComLuv Profile

  • Aug 30, 2010 Bryan

    Great post…just linked this to my fanpage.

    Most of us have a passive, not-my-responsibility approach that underlies ALL of our life, and I’ve found that most success-training oriented material is really about conditioning you out of that state.

    Peace,
    +B
    Bryan´s last blog ..I Want to Create BETTER Material- But I Need Your Help- Could You Take this Quick- Easy Survey For Me My ComLuv Profile

  • Sep 3, 2010 Laurel Lindsay

    I could not have said it any better.

    Thanks for the reminder that the reason our lives are the way they are is because of all the decisions we have made up to this point.

    By being accountable you get back control….Which rocks.

  • Sep 8, 2010 IamDavid

    Brilliant stuff. I have the same approach, be it personal or professional. Stop wishing, start doing.

  • Sep 9, 2010 Chris Brooks

    I like your term ‘rescue fantasy’. I also call it ‘wishing and hoping’. It is such an easy trap to fall into – probably because our culture promotes the idea via advertising, ‘news’, mainstream movies, public relations, TV, pop music, etc. – I guess I should also include religion and political parties.

    The most insidious promoters of this attitude are families. Families are full of people who want to be wanted, or need to be needed – so we are trained into the rescue fantasy from a very young age.

    The opposite side of the coin is that many of us feel we are responsible for others – so we feel we should rescue them – and so neglect looking after ourselves.

    Rescue fantasy, and rescuer fantasy, are just excuses we use to avoid the fear of change rather than facing it.

    As you say Dave, turning the pain into a signal that tells us that we need to change something inside our selves is a great strategy for continual self improvement.

  • Sep 11, 2010 MP

    Yep… Rescue squads (and trust me squads are needed!) are NOT on their way to me. No one is looking for me to give me that great new job. That new man is not going to make all of my problems go away. Even the little stuff.. there is no maid coming to clean my house… there is no person anywhere who is going to give me money so I can get rid of my debt and start fresh! Get up off of your ass and start! Just start. You know what to do … so do it!

  • Sep 11, 2010 Daniel

    Nice reality check post – And I agree, It’s so easy to fall into that mindset but as you say there is no magic genies we need to get on with whatever it is we want to achieve.
    Thanks
    Dan
    Daniel´s last blog ..Golf GPS Review- Garmin Approach G5 GPS-Enabled Golf Handheld My ComLuv Profile

  • Sep 12, 2010 Angie

    Hey! mine happens to be procastinating for my major exams until the final lap when i’ll just down a million mugs of coffee and work like hell and somehow i’ll do really well for every subject. I let myself into this because it worked once. But thanks Dave, deep down inside i know it won’t ( first time it happened, i think God was watching over me) and i’m just putting myself up to be shot down if i went the same way. I’ll work on my limiting beliefs and my procastination. Thanks for the Ass kicking!

  • Sep 12, 2010 Cameron Benz

    Absolutely spot on. I realized my ecommerce site hasn’t gained traction yet so I’ve been evaluating what alternate courses of action to take.

  • Sep 14, 2010 Chris

    This post has made me think about how much and how often I fall into this trap – even when I think that I am paying attention to it!

    It’s sneaky too – sometimes the things that could be the most useful for us, like seeking expertise from someone else or to learn from someone else, can also sometimes hide that we just want them to solve our problems.

    The other thing that hits me with what you are saying is the reminder to do something and not be passive and just sit there – even if the first step is to do is carefully contemplate what the situation is revealing about my weaknesses and the way I seek to avoid fear, and then do something about it.

  • Sep 26, 2010 Karilee

    You worry me sometimes, Dave. I just get it clear in my head that I’m going to add a section to one of my workshops on Gratitude as a marketing strategy, and then I come here and read this.

    And then you point me to Mahala, who makes it very clear I don’t have one rescue fantasy, but two.

    So… regardless of whether the money from the stock comes in, I can get this business working. I know everything I need to know to bootstrap it, even with insufficient funding. I will.

    And I don’t need to improve my health first. I’m functional *enough*, I have *enough*, I can do it and then glory in having done it. It’s ok to succeed.

    I’m not buying “adversity as the path”, though. for ME that’s an excuse for more victimhood. I’m going for the path as the path, and gratitude for the path that is there.
    Karilee´s last blog ..How To Get UNfollowed On Twitter My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 2, 2010 Justin Mulwee

    You’ve got my number. I’ve been hoping that my job will get easier, pay more, or that a better one will come along. But in this economy I must be thankful to have one at all. For me, this is an opportunity to gain self-discipline. Like so many twenty-somethings, I haven’t got much of it.
    Justin Mulwee´s last blog ..Is Sin Genetic My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 5, 2010 marcus

    Hi Dave,
    I’ve been reading your posts for over a year now and its been great!

    I haven’t seen any new posts, so I am hoping that all is well with you and I hope that you are really just Super Busy — which is great too!

    Either way, thanks again for all the great advice.

    Best of Luck,
    Marcus

  • Oct 6, 2010 Will

    Right on Dave!

    There were days when I’d hoped it would all be over myself. I’m not a sap or anything but fighting to live day in and day out can be a lot to deal with.

    So every now and then you’d wish some character for one of these Reality Shows would run in and say “I’m here to fix your life, you win!”

    Alas… no such thing happens and no one is coming to our rescue. It’s time to get up and dust off the pain and get going.

    Plus when you take the time to look around and see that you’re not that bad off compared to many people, you realize you shouldn’t be complaining one bit.

    Love your blog, read it all the time, even though there hasn’t been a post in a bit.

    Will
    Will´s last blog ..Time Flies When You’re Broke My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 6, 2010 dreamjobdragon

    I’ve really made an effort in the last few months to lower the “wishing” quotient dramatically … but I am up for the challenge of picking another rescue plan to toss out the window…

    How about… No one is going to save me from owing money on my income tax every year so it’s time I got off my but and changed the amount of taxes taken off my income every month or set up an account to toss some money in every month so it won’t come as such a surprise come April!

    I feel better already :)

  • Oct 11, 2010 Mary-Michael

    Arrrgghh! Oh I know all this intellectually, the next step is to really live it. Your post has inspired me to do just that. My rescue fantasy: “if only I were living in another town my life would be so much better.” This fantasy is a bunch of krap. And today, I officially let it go and accept that where I am today is EXACTLY where I need to be! Thanks for reposting this!
    Mary-Michael´s last blog ..Eye Candy My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 11, 2010 Sharren Grant

    My rescue fantasy has always been that some day someone will come along and make me healthy, take all this weight off me, and turn me into an exercisin machine! I am choosing today to review the way I’ve been looking at this task of mine, and do something about it instead of waiting for someone else to take care of it for me.

    There are no magic potions, no miracle cures. I accept that if I want to change, I must do it from within. I know that when I just get moving, when I choose to involve myself in a physical activity, that I will feel gloriously satisfied afterward.

    And when it comes to my health, and having the energy to get moving towards my dreams, I have to believe that it’s worth it. Huh… isn’t that funny? I just can’t think of anymore excuses!

  • Oct 14, 2010 Cristopher Thomas

    This is just what I’ve needed. I’ve been letting debt hold me back from so many things and just haven’t had the perspective to see that the only reason it was doing so was because of me. That’s gonna change.

  • Oct 14, 2010 SaraOoo

    I named it Big-spender, “my life will be much happier/funnier/greater/better when I get a bigger salary”.
    As of right now I’m logging on to my bank to arrange some kind of monthly savings-thingie and I promise, I will stop buying crap I don’t need.

    Inspiring post! I just found your blog and I’ll think I dig around some more here, I’m liking what I see.
    SaraOoo´s last blog ..how to get happy – fast My ComLuv Profile

  • Oct 21, 2010 Ass-Kicker (as suggested)

    Came across this tonight at the most indescribably perfect time.

    Right now, this very moment, I am abandoning the fantasy that my husband will man up and do the right thing where I am concerned. It is all in my hands. I will find a way to get myself and my kids to a healthy place and I will do it on my own, not expecting him to own his mistakes, have compassion, or do what he should do to make things right.

    I will.

  • Oct 21, 2010 Juanita

    My rescue fantasy is that I can exercise and still eat what I want. I’m not in that kind of shape and it is backfiring. Coincidentally, my car broke down, and has put me in a position where I have to walk, catch a bus and walk some more. Which makes me want to eat better because it’s no longer about just “eating” it’s about “energy” and doing the right thing to keep MOVING! So, in addition to the walking, a friend and I are getting together and going to hold each other accountable for making better choices with our food.

    NEXT: The “waiting for the right-guy” rescue fantasy. I’mma just go get me one, dammit.

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