Rock Your Business Tip #1: Choose Magnetic Contacts

(Please read this the whole way through before you comment so you don’t think I’m telling you to ditch your friends.)

How’s your business growing?  If it’s expanding by leaps and bounds, then “good on ya,” as Michael Martine is fond of saying.  If it isn’t - and you’re struggling to bring in more traffic, more customers, more sales, then the problem may not be your business model as much as the people in your peer group. You may limiting yourself based on the expectations of your business friends and associates who don’t drive you to be more, do more, and demand more from yourself.

Two Types of Business Forces: Grounding And Magnetism

There are two types of people you can hang out with in the business arena:  Grounders and Magnets. Here’s what makes one type different from the other.

• Grounders are people who are roughly at the same level as you are in your business.  People with similar sales levels, or brand awareness levels, similar connections, skills, etc..  These are great people to connect with because they are able to work with you where you are and  understand where you’re coming from.  Additionally, there’s often opportunities to team up and do cool stuff to expand your business.   But there’s a limiting factor as well - it’s often hard to find people who are willing to think outside of the box, push themselves harder and raise their standards in huge ways.  Long-term, you tend to stay at the same level if all the people you connect with are Grounders.

• Magnets are people who are well above your level in their businesses.  They are bigger names, stronger brands, and more connected people.  Most people thing Magnets are “out of their league,” but it’s often not the case.  If you can find the right way to connect with Magnets, they can take you under their wing, showing you what’s possible beyond your comfort zone and even providing things like mentoring advice, first-hand introductions, and the occasional kick in the pants. Magnets are powerful contacts because to continue connecting with them, you have to raise your own standards just to keep up.  Sometimes this is tough work, but sometimes it’s actually easy because your Magnets show you ways to get the results you’re currently getting with less work - freeing you up to grow.  Long term, Magnets can be the strongest factor in your business growth.

Don’t Spend All Your Time With Grounders

If you want to grow your business at a faster rate, you need to, need to, NEED TO carefully strike a balance between Grounders and Magnets in your life.   You can’t spend all your time with Grounders because you’ll grow slowly - or stay at the same level forever.  This is not to say Grounders are bad to spend time with. Far from it - in fact, you’ll have a lot of Grounders in your life because they are your peer group.  They have valuable things to contribute to your business growth, and you have many valuable things to contribute right back at them.  And most importantly, Grounders are the people who will have more time for you.

And in reality, you’re a Grounder too, to other people, just as I am.  So I’m not knocking it.   Not at all.

The Psychology of Magnetic People

Why do I call the other camp of people Magnets?  It’s because of a basic psychological principle that we tend to perform according to the expectations of our peer group. If everyone else we like to hang with is doing things a certain way, or achieving a certain level of things, then we want to do the same things too.  It’s just natural.  But if all you have are Grounders, your peer group doesn’t drive you to push yourself to higher levels.

When you include more Magnets in your peer group, you’re going to feel that psychological pull to behave in ways that match what your Magnets are doing - to employ better strategies, to think in bigger-picture ways, and to move outside your comfort zone.

And the coolest part - when you grow as an effect of hanging out with all of your Magnets, you become the Magnet to all of your Grounders. You get to take them with you, if they’re willing.  And how cool is that.

A Quick Shout-Out To My Magnets

There are a few solid people a rung above where I am that have been m most powerful Magnets to me over the last 6 months, helping me create a business with more growth than I’d seen in 5 years (cumulative!).  These Magnets are awesome people who you likely already know, but I want to give them a special shout-out to say thanks for all they’ve done to help me:

• Freelance writers James and Harry at Men with Pens, for getting me into freelance writing and helping me build my brand,
• Home business resources maven Naomi at Ittybiz, who has given me valuable technical and marketing advice,
• Freelance entrepreneur Christine O’Kelly at SelfMadeChick, who helped me with strategies to gain long-term, well paying clients,
• Social media web designer Jon Phillips at Spyre Studios, who helped me get huge exposure as one of the original writers at Freelance Folder
• Marketing and Copywriting superhero Sonia Simone at Remarkable Communication for her real-world advice and support as I’ve jumped into the freelancing waters.
• Blog consultant Michael Martine for helping me understand more about creating blogs that drive clients to you.

How To Get The Attention of Magnets

On the next Rock Your Business post, I’ll go into the strategies I used to get my Magnets to pay attention to me and help become part of my business growth.  Check back next Wednesday or subscribe to this blog for free to get updates automagically sent your way.  Huzzah!

3 Guest Posts You Might Want To Read & Comment On

This is a big week for the Rock Your Day blog … three guest posts on three big honkin’ blogs, and it’s only Tuesday.   More to come, so stay tuned …

• Men With Pens - How to Feel Consistently Confident About Your Writing

• Remarkablogger - How to Begin Blogging When You Don’t Know Where to Start

• IttyBiz - Balls-On Marketing: Why You Need To Strut Your Stuff

Enjoy, and any comments / Stumbles are appreciated, as always

The First Law Of Action: A Refined Outcome Is Easier To Achieve

Well, my last two rants about the Law of Attraction “attracted” a lot of solid discussion, so I thought I’d carry the ball a little further.  If you missed the last two posts, check ‘em out now and join the comment thread:

• Pollyanna On Ecstasy: Why Positive Thinking Just Doesn’t Work
• Why The Law Of Attraction Seems To Work … Sometimes

Now on to our regularly scheduled (de)programming.

The Laws Of Action:  What They Are All About

I recently described the age-old “Law of Action” (which I made up off the top of my head) as this:

To have more of what you want in life, you have to get clear on what you want, get emotionally invested in achieving it, act from a position of certainty, and keep yourself from self-sabotage.

That’s a mouthful, so I think I’ll start breaking it down into some smaller points which I’ll call the “Laws of Action.”  And when I say “Law,” I’m being a little bit facetious as very few things are actually universal laws.  But it seems a good antidote to the mainstream version of the Law of Attraction (the one that’s all about magic and not about action at all).

So let’s break the big law up into some nuggets that you can use right freaking now.  First up:

The First Law Of Action: A Refined Outcome Is Easier To Achieve

This is the First Law of Action because this is the one that most people miss, because they use fuzzy words like “more,” “better,” “happier.” The problem is, words like that don’t drive you to action because they are fuzzy.  And fuzzy don’t pay the bills.  If your outcome is fuzzy - like “I want to make more money” or “I want to lose weight,” then that’s not going to drive you to do specific things - the action part.

Tony Robbins had this funny trick he’d do in seminars.  Basically he’d ask someone, “Would having more money make you happier?”  Naturally, the person would say “Yeah!” and smile.  Then Tony would toss the guy a quarter and say “There.  You have more money.  Are you happier?”  Of course, the person would shake his head “no.”  Tony would shrug at the guy and say “Maybe you should start being more specific about what you want so you can start being happier.”

A Quarter Just Doesn’t Cut It

Whether you’re a Robbins’ fan or foe, he’s nailed this point.  Fuzzy goals create fuzzy, unfocused action.  I used to want to “make money” online.  For a few years I did make money, in fits and starts.  It sucked.  Then I decided to get very specific about what I wanted.  In February I started an experiment called the Freelance Smackdown where I took Christine O’Kelly’s freelancing book and put it to the test to get a specific result: $1000 - $2000 in 30 days doing nothing but freelance writing.

Because I got specific, I nailed it. And every month thereafter, I set specific goals for my freelance writing and nailed them, too.  Not because I’m magical, or I’m so fantastic, but because I got specific.  Instead of trying every strategy in the world, I tried specific things - and more importantly, I stopped pursuing other strategies - and the focus paid off.  Focus is key, because it helps you make distinctions about whether you’re taking the right actions to meet your specific results.  (Harry understands this.)

Here’s What You Need To Do

If you’re not getting what you want out of your goals, ask yourself whether you’ve refined it enough to take specific action.  Is your goal to “lose weight” or have you refined it to “exercise 30 minutes, 3 times a week?”  Or better yet, “Yoga on Mondays, jogging on Wednesdays, hiking on Fridays?”  Fuzzy goals leave you wondering about which way to go to achieve your goals.  By getting specific about the “what” and “how” parts of your goals, you are increasing the chance of taking relevant action.

So Start Typing And Put The First Law Into Action, Dammit

In the next 60 seconds, before you go onto another blog post, before you check your email, or twitter, or whatever, take a look at that big goal you have - the one that you want to make faster progress on - and begin refining it like this:

• “I want more blog subscribers” -> “I want to add 100 subscribers in the next 60 days.”
• “I want to make more money” -> “I want to make $5,000 in sales before Christmas”
• “I want to lose weight” -> “I want to phase soda out of my diet in 30 days.”

Then post it in the comments.  The more you refine it, the higher your chance of getting off your ass and doing it.

If You Need Help, Ask For It

Not sure how to get more specific about your goals, put your current goal in the comments and I (and maybe my awesome readers) will help you out.   And when you’re done, subscribe to this blog so you don’t miss the upcoming Laws of Action.  Now get to it.  *whipcrack*

Wednesday is “Rock Your Business” Day - So What’cha Want?

“What’cha, What’cha, What’cha want?” - The Beastie Boys

As I’ve discovered that the vast majority of my readers are freelancers and entrepreneurs, I’m tossing a business section into the mix at Rock Your Day every Wednesday-ish when I can get to it. I’ll be covering what I’m doing to grow my freelancing and audio coaching business, some networking tips, and maybe even a shout-out or two to those who are helping me rock my own business.

I’ve been fortunate to experience some fast growth due to some of my background in business / online marketing (the ethical kind, not the scummy snake oil kind) , and I want to start sharing what I know with you so you can make more money (without having to go through a huge learning curve).

I’m well aware that many of my readers bust their asses just to put food on the table, so I want to help you do a little less ass-bustin’ so you can spend more time with the people who matter to you.

So Speak Up, Bub, And Tell Me What’cha Want

I’ve got plenty to talk about over the upcoming Wednesdays, but I’m really interested in what kinds of business challenges you’re facing right now.  I can’t promise I have the answers, but if your challenge sees to be a common one with other readers, I’ll definitely give it a go and see what kinds of tips I can work up for you.

One thing though - do try and keep your questions in the realm of blogging / online marketing / freelancing, as that’s what I’m doing right now.  Questions about how to handle an international import/export business or how to break into emerging third-world markets aren’t my area of expertise.

Comments are open - so what’cha, what’cha what’cha want?

PS - don’t forget to subscribe to catch all the upcoming Rock Your Business posts.

A Few Announcements & Free Stuff

First off, a hearty thanks to all new subscribers & the flood of commenters on the last four posts. I truly appreciate you spreading the word about Rock Your Day - traffic Friday was 6x normal. If you’ve missed the last four posts, you can see them here. And here. And here. And here.

Announcement #1: Some of You Will Be Getting A Free Workshop …

First off, if you’ve been here in the last 30 days you’ll know I held a live online workshop on Overcoming Procrastination.  We had about 2 dozen people on the call and it was a really good time.  In the next few weeks, I’ll be beefing up the content of that workshop with a bigger PDF workbook and some videos so you can see exactly how to break that success-killing bad habit.

When it’s ready (probably in the next 30 days) I’ll be re-launching it for at least twice what the original price was (since there will be a lot more), but as my way of saying thanks to those who joined me for the original call, you’ll get a link to it for free.

Announcement #2: All Of You Have a Chance To Get It Free As Well  …

Even though I’m a coach, I need coaching as well.  Since I’m crazy busy, I gravitate towards audio coaching & books more than phone calls because that works better with my schedule.  And since many of my readers came here via one of my audio coaching programs, you may have the same learning style as I do.

One of the most important audio coaching programs I’ve ever purchased is from Mike Brescia of Think Right Now.  I’ve bought 6 of his programs so far, and I Iisten to them at least one of them a week to keep me on track (you may have already read my review of his Anger Management Now! program, which helped me out a lot when I was suffering from I’m-being-a-jerk-itis).  Read the review to see why I think he’s on the right track for habit breaking / making.

I could try and say lots of good stuff about Mike’s audio programs, but I’m not here to give you a hard sell.  I paid for 6 different programs, and I still listen to them.  That’s my sales pitch.

While I can’t give you Mike’s programs for free, I can give you my upcoming Overcoming Procrastination program for free if you give his a try.  Today Mike’s launching a program called Tranquil Sleep Now!, which shouldn’t need much of an explanation as to what it’s about.  If it’s anything like his other programs, it should be fantastic.

Here’s the deal.

If you order Tranquil Sleep Now! by clicking here, I’ll give you a free copy of Overcoming Procrastination as soon as it comes out (and I’ll forward you the original paid workshop audio/PDF to tide you over until launch day).  This program will probably sell for $27 (like my Becoming an Early Riser Program), so this is a great way to snag it for free.  All you have to do is order via this link, email me your receipt, and I’ll send you the original workshop within 24 hours.

If you are already slated to get Overcoming Procrastination for free … well, I’ll find something else of equal value to give to you.

Sound good?  Order Tranquil Sleep Now! via this link, and I’ll give you Overcoming Procrastination for free.  It’s a great deal if getting a good night’s sleep is on your “wish list.”

We’ll pick up our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.

Why The Law Of Attraction Seems To Work … Sometimes

Yesterday’s post about the dangers of positive thinking sure hit a nerve with a lot of people - especially those who see through “The Secret” for the insane marketing madness that it is.  Looking on the bright side of life can get you feeling better about your situation, but there’s no substitute for action. As Brett points out in today’s Viking Fridays post, there’s “no lamb for the lazy wolf.”  Indeed.

“But Dave, The Law Of Attraction Really Worked For Me!”

I’m sure at least one of my readers is going to chime up “But Dave, you just don’t understand … the Law of Attraction really works!  I focused on <insert thing> and it happened the next day!”

I’m certainly not going to argue that sometimes the this seems to work - in fact, it’s “worked” for me over and over again in my life - but not because of any quantum physics magic.  It’s “worked” for simple, provable reasons I’ll go into in a second.  For now, let’s get clear on what the Law Of Attraction is all about.

Our dear friend Wikipedia says that in order to use the Law of Attraction you must do four things:

1. Know what one desires and ask the “universe” for it.
2. Focus one’s thought upon the thing desired with great feeling such as enthusiasm or gratitude.
3. Feel and behave as if the object of one’s desire is already acquired.
4. Be open to receiving it.

Super, all I have to do is ask for what I want, focus on getting all warm and fuzzy and act like I already have it?  Wow, that’s so profound, so incredibly deep and magical that … it’s not magical at all.  It’s an illusion that makes it seem like the universe is doing the work for you.  Let’s break it down.

Step 1: Know what one desires and ask the “universe” for it.
Step 1: Get clear on what you want.  (You don’t need the universe’s permission.)

This is so simple it’s common sense.  When you get clear on something you can start taking definitive action on it - and more importantly, you start making distinctions and decisions that move you towards it.  If you decide you want to lose 20 pounds this year, and you get really clear on that, then you’re more likely to take action to do so.  You become more conscious of what you eat - and you find yourself making smarter decisions.  There’s an expression - “awareness is curative.”  This is what’s happening here.

Forget “asking the universe.”  When you try this step of the Law of Attraction, all you are doing is mentally raising the priority of what you want. You decide it’s worth wanting, and you create a “pull” that increases your chances of taking that all important goal-stompin’ action.

Step 2: Focus one’s thought upon the thing desired with great feeling such as enthusiasm or gratitude.
Step 2: Think about what you want, and get emotionally attached to achieving it.

Let’s imagine this - you want to lose 20 pounds, or make more money, or attract the person of your dreams.  Now, if you spent a great deal of time focusing on how incredible it would feel to have that thing, how lucky you feel to have that in your life, don’t you think that maybe - just maybe - you might find yourself more likely to take significant levels of action to make it happen?

When you create strong emotional attachments to what you want, it becomes harder and harder to act contrary to that.  Advertisers make billions off of this. If they can get you to make a powerful emotional connection with their product and your idea of happiness, you are sold. You will most certainly take action.  When you can do it to yourself, you own your life again. No magic required.

Step 3: Feel and behave as if the object of one’s desire is already acquired.
Step 3: Disassociate from self-doubt and begin acting the part.
You’ve heard the phrase “Fake it ’till you make it.”  It works.  If you act with certainty that you have something (or that you’re going to be getting something), you boost your chances of acquiring it for three key reasons.

• First, you break the hold of self-doubt and free yourself to take bolder actions.  You stop worrying about “what if” and focus on what to do next instead.  Certainty is a great motivator - if you believe you already have what you want, you’re going to take stronger action to achieve it.

• Second, you notice opportunities you didn’t track before when you believe that something is coming to you.  Just like when you buy a car, you suddenly notice that car everywhere.  Those cars were always there - it’s just now you notice them because you’ve mentally given it priority.  When they say “When the student is ready, the teacher appears” there’s no magic there.  The teacher was always present - now you just notice her.  (And she’s hot.)

• Third, people smell confidence and certainty the same way that animals smell fear. We gravitate towards people who are confident and give off an air of certainty, because we want that for ourselves.  When you act as if you already have something, people will notice you more - and realize that they might have a resource to help you achieve what you want.

Step 4: Be open to receiving it.
Step 4: Be open to receiving it.
Ok, this one I should have just left alone, because it’s basic psychology.  If you feel like you don’t deserve something, or that something is impossible for you to attain, then you absolutely will never allow yourself to take it when it’s available to you.  It’s like a guy and a girl who have strong feelings for each other but never act on them because they believe the other person is out of their league and would reject them.  Or the victim who refuses help because he believes he’s beyond helping (or not worth helping).

You can’t invite someone (or something) through a locked door.  When you are willing to put aside the self-doubt, anxieties and human hang-ups that make you hold back, you’re willing to accept the fact that hey, maybe you’re worth it.  Maybe you can have that (or be that).  You stop sabotaging the opportunities that are working in your favor.

The Real Secret: The Law Of AttrAction

The secret is out: You don’t need to have a magic genie to have more of what you want in life.  You just have to get clear on what you want, get emotionally invested in achieving it, act from a position of certainty, and keep yourself from self-sabotage.

So where does that leave “the universe?”  That I leave up to you to decide.  I’m only human - and there are plenty of things outside my understanding.  Prayer, meditation, faith and belief in that higher power - I can’t dispute that there are factors outside of our physical actions that shape how things get done in this universe. But I can tell you one thing:  Believing that all of existence is a vending machine that’s just waiting to give you a sugary fix without the work?  That’s just plain nuts.

And that’s no secret.

One powerful action you can take right now is to subscribe to this blog for more straight-up, own-your-life tips. Or if you’ve already done that, join the Rock Your Day newsletter.  It’s genie-free stuff you can actually use.

Pollyanna On Ecstasy: Why Positive Thinking Just Doesn’t Work

Note: Please read this entire post before you decide to flame me because you like positive thinking

Tim Brownson left a great comment on yesterday’s post about the importance of believing in your ability to change your situation:

Beliefs certainly do drive action, but what drives beliefs?  Thoughts drive beliefs …  that is where positive thinking can help by undermining a negative, disempowering belief system.

I’m not disagreeing with what you’re saying - in fact I agree with it, but negative self-limiting beliefs are a symptom and not the cause of faulty thinking.

You don’t have to look like Pollyanna on ecstasy and live in complete denial to benefit from looking on the bright side of things. The start point is subtle changes of thinking and moving those beliefs into doubt and then from there into disbeliefs.

The Ugly Truth About Positive Thinking

Tim says there’s value in “looking on the bright side of things.”  He’s all kinds of right on that one.  But while that might be some people’s definition of positive thinking, that’s not what I’m talking about in this post.  What I’m taking a hard line on is the mainstream definition, one that’s been given a big boost by what Clay Collins calls The Cult of Abundance, all fueled by the hype behind The Law Of Attraction.  For far too many people who have purchased The Secret and bought into the madness therein, a twisted version of positive thinking becomes installed:

“If I just think about good things, good things will happen!  Yippee!”

Ok, I admit I added that “Yippee” part.  Humor me.

The danger of the Law of Attraction and “positive thinking” is that it fuels the notion that you don’t have to do any work to make things happen - it’s magic! (Well, techncally, it’s QUANTUM PHYSICS.  My bad.)  If you want more success, or money, or whatever, just think real hard on it, and poof, a genie will make it happen.

Do you think I’m stretching it?  Watch this video from the author of The Secret.  There is, in fact, a genie. (To be fair, if you miss it, it might be because an avalanche of money falls over you in an earlier scene.)

Don’t fall for this crap.  If you take all the pseudo-science out of The Secret and get to the real science, you’ll see this mathematical truth:

“But wait, Dave!” you may say. “I tried the law of attraction and it worked!”  I’ll tell you why it worked tomorrow, but it ain’t because of quantum physics.  Stay tuned.

A “Closer” Definition Of Positive Thinking

For many of you the phrase “positive thinking” is linked to Norman Vincent Peale, the author of “The Power of Positive Thinking.”  Ok, he wrote a book on the damned phrase, let’s see what he has to say about it:

“Positive Thinking is about training yourself to see the world from a whole new perspective and utilizing your fundamental capability to produce desired outcomes with positive, realistic beliefs and thoughts. It is based on the scientifically-proven fact that thought has a direct effect on feeling which, in turn, had a direct effect on behavior and performance. Therefore, if you think positively you will get positive results, if you think negatively you will get negative results.”  (taken from The Peale Center’s official website)

Hmm.  I like that better, especially the bold part.  In this definition, thought has nothing to do with genies, avalanches, or being a “money magnet.”  No quantum physics here.  Just the idea of “Thoughts drive feelings, and feelings drive action.”  Can’t argue with that.

However (and this is a ‘however’ that deserves to be in red), I can’t buy that last sentence.  Positive thinking will not guarantee positive results.  How many times have you been sure of something and failed?  And on the opposite side, how many times have you been sure you were going to fail and - oops - you succeeded?

The bottom line is, thinking does not make things happen.  Making things happen makes things happen.  It’s all about action.

A Better Definition Of Positive Thinking

Since it’s all about action, let me throw this definition of “positive thinking” at you:

Positive Thinking: Consciously choosing thoughts that produce the positive feelings that make you want to take action.

If you purposefully choose to look on “the bright side of life,” as Tim put it, you are choosing to focus on thoughts which boost your mood because they are based on facts, not bullshit.  As Tony Robbins once said, if you look at your garden and say “there’s no weeds, there’s no weeds, there’s no weeds,” those weeds will take your garden. But if you say to yourself, “Wow, it’s pretty cool that I have a garden - and if I take care of it will look great,” you might just take action.

When you believe your actions can make a difference, you’re more likely to follow through on taking those actions.  “Looking on the bright side” means reframing the situation in your mind so that it makes you want to take action rather than feel sorry for yourself.

Even Better: Realistic Thinking

People have called me an optimist over and over again, but I’m not an optimist at all.  I’m a realist.  In reality, there is almost always something you can do to improve a situation.  In reality, most of our problems are not the end-of-the-world that we make them out to be.  In reality, we can get off our asses and do one little thing today to turn the tide.  In reality, we may feel like absolute crap and have no motivation, but realistically that doesn’t mean we don’t have resources.  In reality, we can find someone to talk to to snap us out of our funk - and if we can’t find ‘em locally, somewhere there is a website, blog, or forum where we can find someone who we can relate to.

There’s no such thing as pessimism - only being unrealistic.  When you catch yourself being unrealistic, kick your own ass and start thinking realistically - start seeing the world as a place full of resources we haven’t tapped simply because we haven’t overcome our self-doubt - and you might just find the motivation from within to take positve action.  And in the long run, you’re much more likely to get what you’re looking for.

And you don’t even need a graph for it.  (Or a genie.)

PS - Realistically, you’ll thank yourself later if you take a second right now and subscribe to this blog. Or if you’ve already done that, join the Rock Your Day newsletter.  It’s genie-free stuff you can actually use.

Do You Even Believe You Can Get Your Life Balanced?

Belief drives action.

I mean it.  As Naomi says, “Cue big-ass red text”:

Belief drives action.

You don’t believe, you don’t act.

It doesn’t get any simpler than that.  The question is, when it really comes down to it, do you really even believe you can get your life more balanced?

• Do you believe you’ll ever get ahead of the non-stop pace of life long enough to catch your breath … or do you believe that the insanity of the week will never end?

• Do you believe you can slow down and still get things done, or do you believe you’ll always have to run yourself ragged just to make ends meet?

• Do you believe you’ll ever manage to have more time for yourself?  Your family?  Your “significant other?”  Or do you believe that you’ll just have to take what you can get?

Belief drives action.

You don’t believe, you don’t act.

It doesn’t get any simpler than that.

So if you believe that your life is just too busy … that you’ve just got too much going on … that you don’t have the time for the people you care about … how much drive are you going to have to change your situation?

Life Doesn’t Change Itself, Bub.

You may want to get your life balanced.  You may even think you have a shot at it.  But if you don’t have certainty that you can start making progress, start getting ahead, then you’re simply not going to take the kind of action that moves your life toward balance.  Instead, you’re going to have one hell of a stress headache every day for the rest of your life, and you’ll sit around wishing things would get better rather than making it better.  I know, I’ve been there.

Facing Your Self-Doubt - And Defusing It

When you feel like you’re behind in everything, you don’t have time for yourself, and nothing seems to help … positive thinking isn’t going to cut it.  You can’t say “Golly, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel!” because you know that light is a freaking train, coming to run over that schedule you had for the day.  SQUISH. Positive thinking isn’t the solution.

When you’re full of stress, anxiety, and the despair of the ever-rushed, no amount of smiling is going to help you defeat that feeling of helplessness and doubt that comes when you realize you’re trading the good things in life for “stuff” - or trading those hours to work, just to get by.  You think of getting ahead, then you stress because you doubt you can do it, then you start thinking of something else, fast.

What will help, though, is facing that doubt instead of wishing it wasn’t there.  Of staring it straight in the eye and coming to terms with it.  Sure, you may feel like you can’t get ahead … that it’s too late to catch up on missed opportunities … that there’s just too much to do to get everything balanced.  Admit it.  Own it.  But then take the next step: defuse it by getting the last word in. Four words, specifically:

“But I can do SOMETHING.”

Sure, you can’t get your life balanced overnight.  Maybe not even in a year.  Maybe there are missed opportunities that won’t come again.  But here’s the deal - if you take a little action - the tiniest damn thing - every day, you’ll start making progress.  Maybe you can spend 15 minutes every Wednesday reading to your kid if you don’t do it at all.  Maybe you can fit in a 5 minute walk each day if you sit on your ass too much (self, I’m talkin’ to you!).  Maybe you can write, or read, or study whatever over one lunch break per week.

The point is, you can do SOMETHING.  And SOMETHING is power.  The power to turn the tide.  Self-doubt comes from feeling helpless to “make it all better.”  But you can make something better this week, and that makes you more powerful.  You can make your life 1/10th of a percent more balanced this week, even if everything is going to hell.  You can do something.  You can’t argue with that.

And if you can do something, then you can crank it up a notch later.  The important thing is that you’re not stagnating, or sliding backwards.  You’re breaking the cycle.  Eventually you will have that breakthrough that lets you get more balanced.

But it all comes down to believing that those small, insignificant actions aren’t insignificant at all. They add a heaping helping of better to your life right now.  Maybe not “enough,” but more than you had before.

Don’t let self-doubt have the last word. You’re an adult, you have the last word.  Even if you feel with every fiber of your being that you’re trapped in a cycle of endless suck, you can do something to make it suck one fraction less.  You’re not helpless.

Every time you feel helpless to get everything balanced, tell yourself “But I can do SOMETHING.”

Belief drives action.

You don’t believe, you don’t act.

It doesn’t get any simpler than that.

PS - one great action to take right now would be to subscribe to this blog. Or if you’ve already done that, join the Rock Your Day newsletter.  It’s fat free and chock full of awesome.