Are You Still Playing The Victim?
March 28, 2007
Sure, I know you’re busy. Of course, I totally understand that your day is always jam-packed full of critically urgent - I mean, important - stuff that you just have to do. Same here. Same with all of us, in fact. And if only there were more hours in the day, then you could finally tackle that back-burner project that’s been nagging at you for the last few weeks/months/years.
If only … If only …
If only you would stop feeding yourself that line, you might start getting somewhere.
Tough Love
Listen, I’m not being insensitive to your needs and your situation. I know there’s a lot on your plate. There certainly is a lot on mine. But when you tell yourself consistently that you can’t have something because you don’t have the time (or the money, or the talent), you’re just playing the victim card.
You’re telling yourself that it’s okay to settle for not having it because hey, it simply can’t be done. No one can fault you - not even yourself. You can’t blame somebody for not doing something when they don’t have the resources, right?
But you do have the resources. You’re just acting like you don’t, because to act otherwise would demand that you push past your limits, work harder than you’ve done before, and maybe make a few sacrifices. You don’t want to pile the effort on to make it done, so you rationalize and tell yourself it’s okay to let your goal go.
And how do I know that? Because you are human, and guess what? We all do this. Every last one of us. Hi, my name is Dave, and I’m a victimaholic.
(”Hi, Dave!”)
Pick A Side
So you’ve got a choice to make, friend. You can either play the victim and say you can’t do it “because …”, or you can choose to push past that reason and do whatever it takes (ethically, of course) to make your goal happen. You can choose to be one of the “oppressed” or one of the overcomers.
Oppressed people lie down and take it. They tell themselves it’s ok not to go after what they want. It’s okay to accept that this is a world based on scarcity, and that you just have to accept the cards you’re dealt. And this kind of thinking invariably leads to a life filled with regret (and generally, a higher number of escape activities like too much tv or web surfing after a “hard day’s work”).
Overcomers handle things very, very differently. They tell themselves it’s not okay to accept the scarcity model and instead look for opportunity, even if they have to make it themselves. Rather than accept the cards they have, they play them and look for ways to trade up. Even if it takes a really long time, they take advantage of smart strategies to build up step by step. They demand more of themselves, and reap the rewards (and do their tv and web surfing only after a “hard day’s accomplishment”).
So you’ve got to pick a side, and you’ve got to take that thing that you’ve told yourself you can’t do because you don’t have the time, and you’ve got to get serious about taking control back and shedding the victim mentality. Maybe you can’t hav it all right now, but you can start on it. As I have to tell my coaching clients (and, sheesh, myself, much too often):
“The fact that you can’t do all of it now doesn’t excuse you from taking action on some of it today.”
Case In Point
When I was starting high school, I watched my older brother, a pretty good piano player, learn Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata” over a holiday vacation. I fell in love with the song and wanted desperately to learn it. Only problem was, I had never played piano before. I could have played the victim, and said, “Oh well.”
But I didn’t. I got my hands on the sheet music, and since I couldn’t read music on the fly, I grabbed a pencil and wrote the note letter next to each and every note on those six packed pages of music. It was hard, tedious work, but I wanted it, and so I pursued it even though I didn’t “have what I needed” skill-wise. I improvised, and overcame.
Of course, I had another “problem.” I didn’t have a piano. I could have played the victim, and said, “Oh well.” But I didn’t. I asked around and borrowed someone’s 41-key electronic keyboard, and immediately discovered that 41 keys wasn’t nearly enough to play this particular piece of music. Both the left hand and right hand used a lot of range on the keyboard, so I simply couldn’t play them at the same time.
I could have played the victim, and said, “Oh well.” But I didn’t. Instead, I spent hours and hours practicing the left hand and the right hand separately, slowly but steadily memorizing the hand movements so I wouldn’t have to stare at all those letters on the sheet music.
And then I kept my eyes peeled until I found an piano I could use to practice the hardest part - playing both hands together. I found one in the back of my church that I could practice on for a few hours on the weekends. It was horrendously out of tune, so even when I was playing right, it still sounded wrong. But, as an overcomer, I wasn’t willing to let that hold me back.
The Moment Arrives
After months of practice I finally figured out how to play that Moonlight Sonata (even though I still had to practice one-handed at home). But it was all worthwhile when I visited a well-to-do friend’s house and saw an amazing grand piano and had a chance to play on it. Whereas I’d practiced on a half-sized keyboard and an old out of tune clunker before, this piano cost more than most cars. It was pure luxury to hear the sound coming out of those strings.
Because I’d put the time, effort and sacrifice into working on the Sonata when it wasn’t convenient, I was able to enjoy the true opportunity when it arose. And after that day I started getting invited to other people’s houses who had equally stunning pianos, and enjoyed the luxury of playing on those as well.
The Moral Of The Story
So what should you take away from this? Not that I’m a fantastic piano player (in truth, I really never learned any other music than that one Sonata), but that you don’t “have excuses”, you can only make them.
So what’s your excuse? Where have you been playing the victim and saying, “I just don’t have the time?” Quit living like a victim and decide you’re going to be an overcomer.
Read some of these articles to get you started and remember, it’s your life - so take total control of it!
- Dave
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